What do we do when we don’t fit into social norms? Those of our family, our friends and even our work colleagues? What do you do when being yourself, living your own way, makes you take a very different path in life from the people around you? Here’s my advice on how to be happy when you don’t fit in with social norms.

Respect yourself, your values and your deepest needs

We haven’t learned to listen to ourselves, to trust ourselves, because we’ve grown up with the belief that adults, and therefore others, know better than we do what’s good for us.

What’s more, we learned to please others, and above all to be afraid of disappointing them. Because when we disappointed our parents or teachers, we were usually punished or put aside for a while. Rejection is a severe punishment that leaves its mark.

Now we need to understand that this is how things are, and that we can learn from it. Indeed, we can learn at any time what we don’t know and unlearn what we do know.

And that’s good news, because it means we can learn to be happy when we don’t meet social norms. To start with, it’s about learning to respect ourselves by respecting our own personal values and needs.

What’s important to you? What makes you truly happy in life? Look for it, find it and do it!

That’s what self-respect is all about. It’s about listening to yourself and giving yourself the means to live what’s essential to you. What do you think?

Letting go of your need to be loved at all costs to be happy when you don’t meet social standards

Fear of not being loved pushes us to adopt certain behaviors and make certain choices that don’t fit us, but do fit social norms. In fact, we want to fit in at all costs, but at the same time feel a deep need to get out. It’s this dilemma that’s ruining our lives.

So how do we go about it? How can we be happy when we don’t meet social norms? We need to work on our need to be loved at all costs and, more specifically perhaps, on our fear of not being loved.

In fact, let’s take a step back from this need, this fear. Let’s ask ourselves: what happens if I’m not loved by everyone? Of course, it’s not pleasant. But what if I told you it’s mandatory if you want to follow your own path and be truly happy?

Let go of the ego that drives you to justify yourself

When we start to break away from social norms – that is, when we finally start to become free, free to be ourselves and to be happy – we can fall into a trap that ruins our lives. This flaw is the ego.

The ego will drive us to justify ourselves to others, and even to try to convince others of our own life choices. Why do we do this? Because we need the approval of others. We want them to say to us at all costs: “I understand you and accept you as you are.”

And we’re going to put a lot of energy into getting that approval, which, unfortunately, rarely comes. When we start trying to convince others of choices they don’t understand and don’t want, they’ll want to protect themselves.

So stop! Don’t waste time and energy listening to your ego, which wants you to justify yourself to others. Just live your life and let others live theirs. What do you think?

Accept that it’s hard to be happy when you don’t meet social norms

I think that what prevents us most from being happy in our own way is that we refuse to accept that it’s difficult, that sometimes it’s even a source of suffering. Because, in making our own choices, we’re going to experience difficult times. Indeed, there will be remarks, arguments, break-ups, guilt and moments of doubt.

And if we’re not ready to accept this, to be aware of it in the first place, then we’ll never take the plunge, and so we can’t be truly happy.

Life isn’t easy. Because we’re learning to live, we’re learning to be happy. And all learning has its difficult moments. So accept that, and you’ll get through these moments all the more easily and serenely. What do you think? In fact, understand that it’s the fear of suffering that makes us suffer the most.

The art of finding your way back to happiness in all circumstances

I’ve noticed that when we start asking ourselves how we can be happy when we don’t meet social norms, or for any other reason, things start to feel heavy in our lives. And that’s a sign that we’re thinking too much. In other words, we start to dwell on negative thoughts and vibrate with negative energies. We need to stop!

In fact, I’ve come to understand that when things become heavy and burdensome in our lives, it’s we who make them so, by forgetting to be happy.

In fact, be happy to make your own choices, and you’ll see that things will become much lighter and gentler. They will be difficult, of course, because they require a great deal of courage and perseverance. But we don’t have to make things harder than they already are. So stop thinking and do what makes you happy. Period! What do you think?

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover The 20 secrets to happiness
Discover How to be positive: 6 tips to stop being negative

I recommend this inspiring book:

The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown

Brené Brown’s book provides a roadmap for finding happiness outside society’s expectations. It encourages us to accept imperfections, let go of the need for approval and cultivate self-compassion. By exploring vulnerability and authenticity, Brown guides us towards a more fulfilling life that corresponds to our true selves, regardless of societal norms.

This is an essential book for those seeking mental peace and wanting to combat self-rejection in their minds.
It helped me understand how gratitude can help us gain a positive and encouraging perspective on our lives.

Living in a society where everything is negative and we develop self-critical and self-destructive behavior, this book is one of the most useful tools.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself