What to do when you’re disappointed? Our tendency to believe that everything should always go according to plan leads us to experience what we call disappointment. Sometimes it’s fleeting, almost mild, and other times it’s more cruel. What can we do to overcome it? Here are 3 tips!

1 – Experiencing the emotion that accompanies disappointment

Disappointment is accompanied by an emotion: sadness or anger, or sometimes both.

An emotion that is not listened to keeps knocking on our door, and louder and louder. So let’s take a few moments to talk to it face-to-face, so we can deal with it better.

First, we identify it and name it: how do I feel? Am I sad, angry or both?

Then we breathe calmly and deeply. We have every right to feel angry or sad. After all, we’re human beings, and emotions are part of who we are. We have no control over them. They just appear, and our role is to listen to them.

Sadness means that we experience this disappointing situation as a lack. We feel we’ve lost something, and we’re sad.

Anger, on the other hand, indicates that we don’t feel respected. We feel our limits have been reached.

Let’s understand that we have the right to feel these emotions, and let’s look at them sympathetically.

However, let’s not forget that we have no control over the appearance of our emotions, but on the other hand, we do have the control and the duty not to act on them.

Indeed, to live a balanced and happy life, we need to act according to our values and goals, rather than our emotions. Yes, we can be afraid and act courageously, and we can be angry and be kind.

What do we do when we’re disappointed? Let’s listen to the emotion that accompanies our disappointment. Let’s accept this emotion and decide how to respond, in line with our values and goals.

2 – Don’t give in to criticism to overcome disappointment

When we’re disappointed, it’s very tempting to criticize the situation, the other person or even ourselves.

Let’s not give in to this temptation. Why should we? Because it’s the best way to feed our disappointment with anger, and make ourselves suffer even more.

We’re disappointed, okay. We’re angry and sad, okay. But let’s not criticize.

The situation or the other that triggered our feelings of disappointment is what it is. Criticizing won’t change that. In fact, all we’ll be doing is locking ourselves into a victim role that suits us so badly!

And let’s not take advantage of what’s just happened to criticize ourselves: I knew it, I knew I was no good, I knew it wasn’t for me, I knew I wasn’t up to it.

Let’s face it, not everything in life goes according to plan, and that’s not our fault.

So, once you’ve identified your emotion and accepted it, take another deep breath and look back at the situation that triggered your disappointment: what are you responsible for and what aren’t you?

What to do when you’re disappointed? Don’t rush to judgment, which only fuels anger. On the contrary, let’s show some benevolence, or at least some objectivity.

3 – Don’t dramatize the situation when you’re disappointed

What is dramatization? It’s when you get agitated, crying out: “Why is this happening to me? I’ll never get over it. Never again will I have another opportunity like this. I’ve missed my life…” Now that’s overdramatizing. (laughs)

Instead, what I invite you to do to overcome disappointment is to focus on the present moment.

So yes, in the present moment, you feel disappointed, angry and sad. But if you open your heart and eyes, what do you see?

Are you alive? Do you have a roof over your head? Food in your fridge? Do people love you? Have you ever achieved anything? Have you ever survived failure?

Yes, you’re alive, right now. You can breathe. You can smile, sing, eat, run if you feel like it. How lucky is that?

I know that disappointment isn’t easy to take. I know it darkens our vision of the future. But let’s not play her game.

Our lives are worth living!

What can we do when we’re disappointed? We can choose to focus on all that’s good and beautiful in our lives, right here, right now!

Find out more about managing your emotions

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover Bouncing back after failure: 10 tips for moving forward
Discover How to become more perseverant and achieve your goals: 10 tips

I recommend this inspiring book on the subject:

The Catcher in the Rye” by J.D. Salinger:
This book tells the rather uninteresting story of this sixteen-year-old character and his wanderings through New York for a few days after his expulsion from boarding school, exposing the true face of teenage life, of which the main character is also the narrator. Perhaps most interestingly, his lifestyle is so depressed and lonely that it’s almost impossible not to have something in common with this all-encompassing character, who is supposed to represent the transition from childhood to adulthood.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself.