Anger scares us, because it’s associated with violence. Yet being angry is healthy and useful, as long as you know how to listen to it. That’s why here are 3 powerful tips to help you better understand and live with this emotion.

1 – Listening to anger means understanding its message

Listening to anger means first and foremost understanding that anger has a message to convey.

Indeed, anger, like all other emotions, is a messenger. It tells us if one of our needs is not being met. And, in the context of anger, we often speak of the need for respect.

In other words, we feel angry because we don’t feel respected, or because our limits have been reached.

In fact, when we feel anger, it’s essential to take a moment to listen to the message behind it.

Why am I angry? What am I angry at? Against whom? Why do I feel angry?

Indeed, we could have felt sadness, fear or shame, but no, it’s anger. Why do I feel angry?

2 – Understand that you’re not angry because you’re angry.

What’s more, to listen to your anger with serenity, it’s essential to understand that being angry doesn’t make you angry.

In fact, the thing that most prevents us from listening to our emotions is believing that they define us as a person.

But you don’t feel anger or emotions in general on purpose.

Emotions are adaptive reactions to the outside world. In other words, it’s an internal reaction to what’s going on outside.

It’s something you can’t control.

On the other hand, your emotions aren’t there by chance, they’re useful and healthy, but you need to listen to them and calm them down too (especially anger).

So, first of all, breathe!

You’re not your emotions, and because you’re a human being, it’s normal to feel all kinds of emotions, even anger.

So don’t feel guilty, ashamed or afraid, just breathe and accept being angry.

Then, learn to listen to it.

3 – Listening to your anger soothes it

To listen to your anger, it’s essential to calm it down. Because anger makes us see red, we tend to just leave it to explode.

In other words, we start to say things we’ll regret, and sometimes even make violent gestures we’ll regret just as much.

That’s why you need to soothe your anger.

The first thing to do is to physically remove yourself from the situation that made you angry.

Leave. Go for a walk. Go for a walk in nature.

Just physically and emotionally distance yourself from the situation.

Because this will help you step back from the situation and your anger.

It’s important to understand that an emotion is a signal. In other words, anger only lasts a few minutes. Unfortunately, by staying in the situation, we tend to hold on to our anger for too long.

This can be damaging, not only because we end up snapping and just leaving the anger to express itself, but also physically, because anger increases our blood pressure and heart rate, exhausting our bodies.

It can even be dangerous.

So take some distance to calm your anger.

What’s more, it’s not while you’re feeling the emotion that you can listen to its message.

In other words, get out of your anger and listen to what it has to say.

Find out more about managing your emotions

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

DiscoverWhat to do with your anger and feelings of injustice: 3 tips
Discover How to calm your anger? 3 tips to adopt urgently

I recommend this inspiring book on the subject:

Cow in the Parking Lot: A Zen Approach to Overcoming Anger by Leonard Scheff, Susan Edmiston

I realized that MANY stupid, insignificant little things throughout my day frustrated me, every day, which meant I spent a lot of time getting angry in my head.
This book brought anger to the forefront of my mind. I began to pay attention to each instance and, if I caught it fast enough, I began to question the anger itself.
It helped me realize the insane number of things I CHOSE to just let frustrate me.
But here’s a warning:
This is not a passive book. There are exercises it asks you to do, often, especially toward the beginning. And they’re really useful.
Because self-development and transformation are WORK. It’s not fun, it’s often a lot of thinking, writing and talking for few answers. It’s often little crumbs that indicate some form of progress.
In fact, authors write in a way that, for my mentality, has been REALLY helpful. They explain things rationally and logically. They say one thing and I immediately think “Pfft ok but I can easily think of a counterpoint to that”. Lo and behold, a few pages later I read “You might be thinking [insert counterpoint I absolutely thought of] and to answer that…”
Authors never just leave a statement or piece of advice hanging. They back it up, provide analogies, metaphors, parables and anything else that helps illustrate the point from many angles. They write from a very clear and direct point of view.
That’s not to say you’ll like or agree with everything, but at least the book has been written thoughtfully, with authenticity and integrity.

It goes without saying thtat really recommend this book.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself.