Negative emotions are not accepted. Indeed, whether at home or at work, emotions must remain hidden, because they are unwelcome. Yet they are there. Anger, sadness, fear and guilt are part of our daily lives. So how can we regain serenity and better manage our emotions? Here are 3 tips.

1 – Negative emotions: what are they and what are they good for?

There are many negative or “unpleasant” emotions, and they are just as healthy and useful as positive or pleasant ones.

In fact, an emotion is a message we receive. It’s a signal that tells us whether or not our needs are being met.

In the case of negative emotions, they inform us that our needs are not being met.

For example, anger often tells us that our need for respect is not being met, or in other words, that our limits are not being respected.

Fear informs us that our need for security is not being met.

But the problem we have is that negative emotions bother us. On the one hand, physically, because they are accompanied by rather unpleasant physical sensations. Anger, for example, makes us act violently, or fear makes us tense up.

On the other hand, they disturb us mentally, because they are not accepted in our society.

Indeed, we mustn’t show anger, or even be too cheerful.

Because we mustn’t upset others with our emotions.

That’s why our negative emotions are so hard to deal with. Not only do we feel angry, we also feel ashamed and guilty.

So what can we do? I wholeheartedly invite you to experience your negative emotions as signals.

Signals that tell you where you are in your life right now.

Anger doesn’t make you angry, it tells you something about yourself and your perception of a situation.

In fact, it helps you get to know yourself better, understand yourself better and make better decisions to live a life you really enjoy.

2 – Anger

Anger is surely one of the most unwelcome negative emotions in our society.

Anger bothers and frightens.

That’s why we don’t take it well.

Yet anger is a signal. It’s a signal that your limits are not being respected.

So what should we do with this anger?

In fact, anger is the energy of change. It’s telling you: something has to change.

But we’re often mistaken. We think we have to change the outside, or that the outside has to change.

Example: So-and-so says things that make you angry. So he must change. But if you make your inner calm depend on what so-and-so says or doesn’t say, you’ll feel angry all the time.

That’s why anger comes to you to say, “Change something inside you.”

Yes, it’s up to us to change. To change our perception of things, often.

In fact, since I’ve understood this, everything in my life has changed. I used to jump out of my skin in anger all the time, which is still pretty much the case today, because things come easily to me. (laughs)

However, now that I’ve understood that anger is a signal that things need to change in my perceptions, I’m much more serene.

Indeed, now when I feel angry, I don’t look at my anger with fear or embarrassment, but with curiosity and kindness: what’s happening right now to make me feel angry?

Or when I come back to it a little later: why did I feel angry at that moment? What is it telling me? What do I need to change in myself in order to live this moment better in the future?

3 – Negative emotions: fear

I’m not going to talk about physical fear, the kind that comes when a truck comes straight at you as you’re crossing the street. No, this fear is instinctive and we understand it very well.

Here, I’m talking about mental fear, the fear that takes hold of you when you’re faced with a challenge.

That fear that you don’t understand and that you avoid at all costs, without even realizing that you’re ruining your life by doing so.

Because fear isn’t a negative emotion, it doesn’t come to you and say: “Stop, run away from this new challenge in life.”

In fact, it’s telling you: “Stop! Now you’re going to have to give it your all. Are you ready? Let’s do it!

Yes, fear is saying: “Let’s go!

But we’ve learned to dread fear. We say to ourselves: “If I’m afraid, it’s because I lack self-confidence. And if I lack self-confidence, it’s because I’m not up to it.”

In fact, we’ve forgotten that learning is the purpose of life, and that it’s accompanied by fear and often a feeling of lack of self-confidence.

It’s only natural.

When I realized this, everything changed in my life. Before, I was so afraid that I didn’t dare do anything new, even go to a new swimming pool or a new museum. I’d stay at home in fear, believing I wasn’t normal.

But fear is a companion on the road and shows us the way to our evolution. It tells us: “This is where you have to go. This is where you’ll learn, grow and evolve.”

Find out more about managing your emotions

I invite you to read 2 complementary articles:

Discover Emotional tsunami: 3 things you should stop doing
Discover How to deal with negative emotions: My 3 top tips

I recommend this inspiring book on the subject:

Deliver Me From Negative Emotions: Emotional Self Help for Controlling Negative Feelings and Gaining Emotional Freedom by Lynn R Davis
Beautifully written! It felt like Lynn Davis was sitting with me in a quiet, comfortable room and we were talking like friends. A very relaxing atmosphere of thoughts and feelings.
I loved this book and it helped me enormously when I was going through a very difficult period in my life. I still come back to it when I’m feeling down. Believe me, this book is a wonderful self-help companion… what have you got to lose?

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself.