We don’t really know what to do with our anger. And the more time goes by, the more we get the impression that it’s becoming too intense, too heavy. So what do we do when we’re angry? What can you do to calm down? Here are 3 steps to follow!

1 – When you’re angry, the first step is to accept it

We’ve learned to hide our emotions, especially our anger.

Yes, we’ve been taught that anger isn’t pretty (especially for girls) and that it’s dangerous (which is true, especially for our health).

Yet we should have learned that anger is above all natural and necessary.

To be angry is to realize that our limits are not being respected.

And it’s important to have limits, it’s necessary. Because if we don’t, other people take up too much space and we end up taking a back seat in our own lives.

So, yes, it’s essential to learn to accept being irritated.

To do this, take a deep breath and simply and calmly make this observation: “I’m pissed off.”

Then breathe again.

2 – Understand why we’re angry

Next, it’s important to take the time to understand why we’re angry.

Now, this isn’t about blaming others and taking on the role of victim.

No, it’s about saying “I”. I’m angry because I…

So it’s not a question of making ourselves guilty and feeling, in addition to anger, shame or guilt.

In fact, the important thing is to understand the situation that made us feel angry in the first place.

I’m angry because this happened.

Then ask yourself: why are you feeling anger and not sadness, fear or joy?

Why is it anger? Why do you feel your boundaries are being violated?

This reflection is essential, because when you’re angry, there’s a “good reason”.

In other words, anger brings something to light, something we need to become aware of.

3 – Find solutions to stop being angry next time

So, yes, it’s essential to accept our anger and understand it, but we also need to find real solutions so that we don’t feel it in the same situations in the future.

Because anger hurts, especially physically. It exhausts us. It also damages some of our relationships.

That’s why this 3rd step is essential when you’re angry.

But how do you find solutions?

In fact, once you’ve understood why you’re angry, once you’re aware of the situation that made you feel angry, ask yourself: how can I be calmer in the future in this same situation?

In other words, what do you need to be more Zen in the future? What do you need to change or let go of, for example?

Because anger is natural and even necessary, but the point is not to let it return indefinitely. In fact, it’s important to learn from anger and just leave it, so that it never comes back.

Find out more about managing your emotions

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover the Listening to your anger: 3 tips for coping better with anger
Discover the Anger management: 3 steps to calm down

I also recommend this inspiring book on the subject:

Unf*ck Your Brain: Getting Over Anxiety, Depression, Anger, Freak-Outs, and Triggers with science by Ph.D. Harper, Faith

This book is very good overall, with a touch of comedy. As someone who has read a lot of self-help books, I found some interesting information here. This book is an excellent introduction to therapy and the self-help process. The author uses an unconventional amount of F and s*, which makes it more understandable, but can sometimes seem a bit distracting or unnecessary.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself.