How to avoid stress? Stress is an integral part of our daily lives. In fact, we’re constantly under stress, and we’d like it to stop. The key is to learn how to think better. Here are 8 mistakes to avoid.

1 – Stop being categorical: “it’s all or nothing”.

We tend to categorize things in their extremes: it’s all black and white. In other words, all is good or all is to be discarded.

This tendency leads us to devalue ourselves and take any situation as a total and definitive failure.

Example:

I failed my presentation: I knew it, I’m just a big loser.
So, to avoid stress, how about learning to see all the nuances? Some things are black, some things are white, but there’s also grey. A bit of both. The result is:

My presentation wasn’t as good as I wanted it to be. There’s good and there’s bad.

2 – Don’t stress: stop generalizing

When something happens to us, we think it will happen to us forever.

Example:

Someone has refused to do us a favor, so we think that no one will ever agree to do us a favor.
One of our friends has been bitten by a dog, and we conclude that all dogs are vicious…
What if, to avoid stress, we kept the context in mind?

Today, this person refused to do me a favor, but tomorrow is another day.
Yesterday, the dog named “Medor” bit one of my friends, but not all dogs are “Medor”.

3 – Stop filtering

We focus on a negative detail that ends up taking up all the space.

Example:

I’ve received a small remark about my work and all I can think about is that. Whereas, in general, I receive compliments.
Then it goes round and round in our heads and we ask ourselves a thousand and one questions, all the while blaming ourselves a ton.

What if, to avoid stress, we kept the essential in mind?

I’ve only received one small remark in 2 years of compliments. I’m not perfect, nobody is. Everyone makes mistakes. I breathe.

4 – Don’t stress: don’t jump to conclusions

In these cases, we become clairvoyants (laughs) and make catastrophic predictions about people or situations to come. Something makes us think that, an attitude, a rumor, and we imagine that everything’s going to go wrong…

Example:

When we meet a colleague who barely says hello, we tend to think: he’s mad at me for something or I knew he wasn’t being polite…
When someone forgets to call us, we end up thinking: he doesn’t respect me, I can’t trust him, he doesn’t care about me…
This mistake destroys a lot of relationships…

What if, to avoid stress, we stopped making up our minds?

It’s not because someone does something that they do it consciously.

Maybe our colleague simply didn’t see us, or was worried about something and lost in thought.
Maybe our friend didn’t call us because something came up and he called us later.
Let’s stop seeing evil everywhere and let’s stop kidding ourselves.

5 – Stop maximizing or minimizing

We maximize our mistakes and failures and minimize our strengths and successes.

In other words, when we do something wrong, we’re failures, monsters… but when we do something right, we were lucky or it was easy.

Let’s learn to celebrate our victories and stop being ashamed of our mistakes.

When we make a mistake, let’s face it and learn from it.
When we succeed in something, let’s take the time to celebrate the victory.

6 – Don’t stress: stop thinking negatively

We tend to listen too much to our doubts and believe they’re true.

Example:

If I THINK I’m worthless, then I AM worthless.
What if, to avoid stress, we questioned our thoughts?

Do I suck all the time?
Do I suck at everything I do?
The answer is no: I don’t really suck.

7 – Stop listening to our “I’ve got to’s” and “we’ve got to’s”.

This is a very common mistake. Under the guise of motivating ourselves, we actually tyrannize ourselves.

Example:

I have to pass my exam, or I’ll miss my life.
I have to be on time or I’m dead.
I have to be stronger than this or I’ll be laughed at.
This kind of talk has the opposite effect to what we’d like. We’d like to motivate ourselves and grow wings, but in the end we get stuck, feel guilty and get stressed out.

So, instead of saying “I must”, we could replace it with “I choose to”.

I choose to pass my exam, because I’d love to work in that field.
I choose to arrive on time, because I want to spend time with that person.
And, I choose to be strong, because it’s important for me to get through this.

8 – Stop taking responsibility for everything

We take responsibility for EVERYTHING that happens to us, even things we can’t do anything about.

Example:

When a mother looks at her child’s report card and gets a bad mark, she may say to herself: I knew I was a bad mother…
Our train is late and we say to ourselves: my friends will think I’m unreliable, as always.
But what if it’s time to breathe?

No, you’re not responsible for everything.

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover How to calm your stress? Live a more peaceful life
Discover How to de-stress? 3 ways to learn to be positive!

In addition, I recommend this inspiring book on the subject:

The Summer Book by Tove Jansson
If you relish beautifully written contemplative literature that focuses on the simplicity of life and the wonders of nature, this book is a wonderful choice. The author’s writing has a rich lyrical quality that makes it a delight to read.
The dynamic interactions between grandmother and granddaughter are portrayed in such a touching way that you feel them. The story brought a smile to my face.
I loved this book. The prose is clear, direct and clever. A story told simply, but one that conveys such meaning. The juxtaposition of youth and age. The wildness of the people and the water, of the island. I will read this book again and again.

Thank you very much for reading this article.
If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself.