We spend our time putting ourselves down and criticizing ourselves. Because we feel that we can never do good enough, that we can never be good enough. In fact, we’re toxic to ourselves and we don’t always realize it. What if we stopped torturing ourselves? Here are 4 powerful tips for adopting a gentler inner dialogue to be happy in your life.

1 – Have a kind inner dialogue

As children, we were educated and judged. If we did the right thing, we were rewarded. But if we didn’t, we were punished.

Then there was the criticism: “You can do better. Try harder. If you go on like this, you won’t get far.”

These kinds of little phrases were supposed to “motivate” us to improve.

Unfortunately, on the one hand, they actually destroyed our self-confidence and self-esteem. On the other hand, they allowed us to develop a harsh little inner judge.

And, today, this inner judge has all the power over our inner dialogue.

That’s why, at the end of the day, we hear ourselves saying: “I’m so bad. I didn’t do enough. I should have done better. Tomorrow, then, I’d better do this and that.”

Stop!

It’s time to sack that inner judge and replace him with a friend. A benevolent friend.

After all, you’d never dream of talking so badly to a friend you love and respect. Yet you talk badly to yourself every day.

Yet you’re here to talk to yourself as a friend. With kindness. Because you deserve it.

You’re a good person.

And talking to yourself as a friend is very simple. When you’re taking stock of your day or an event, ask yourself what you would say to a friend of yours.

2 – Talk to yourself with a certain level of expectation

Talking to yourself as if you were a friend doesn’t mean never questioning and improving yourself.

Indeed, being a good person doesn’t mean we don’t have things to learn and work on.

Because the purpose of inner dialogue is to make our introspection benevolent, but also demanding.

In fact, a friend is benevolent, but he’s also demanding. Because he wants the best for us, and he knows when we can and can’t improve.

In other words, the aim of an inner dialogue is not to deny ourselves, but to take into account our mistakes and commit ourselves to improvement.

This has nothing to do with judgment and harsh criticism, but quite the opposite, with self-love.

Indeed, when I speak of our parents, the adults who educated us, they did so out of love. They wanted the best for us, and their punishments and criticisms often had just this one aim: to help us improve and become happy, independent adults.

So, during your inner dialogue, make sure you’re kind, but also demanding.

To do this, always ask yourself what you can learn from your mistakes or behaviors today.

3 – Make it a daily habit

The problem is that we are often unaware of our inner dialogue. We criticize ourselves all day long without realizing it.

But criticism sticks, and that hurts us.

So what can you do?

To develop an inner dialogue that helps you to be happy, I wholeheartedly invite you to create a daily habit.

Every day, take 5 or 10 minutes to sit somewhere and listen to yourself.

You could, for example, place a hand on your heart and ask yourself how you feel. Then, slowly go back over the hours of the day to find out how you were feeling at that moment.

Finally, ask yourself what you were saying to yourself to feel those emotions. Were you criticizing yourself? What exactly were you saying to yourself?

Do this every day.

At first, it may seem a little difficult and confusing. But as the days go by, it will become easier, clearer and, above all, more enjoyable. In fact, it’s essential to your well-being.

Because being aware of what’s being said in our inner dialogue is essential for a happy, serene life.

4 – Questioning your beliefs during your inner dialogue

Behind every criticism you make of yourself is a belief. And until you find the belief behind it, you won’t be able to stop criticizing yourself.

In fact, find out what drives you to criticize yourself day after day.

What do you think you should do, what do you think you should be, what do you think life is supposed to be like, to be so critical of yourself?

And, see what you need to allow yourself to do and/or be to be happy in your life.

Maybe you need to allow yourself to do less at work or at home. Maybe you need to allow yourself to take a little more time for yourself, to indulge in a passion you once considered childish.

Or maybe you need to give yourself permission to distance yourself from certain people around you.

Do this work of questioning, because all these criticisms you inflict on yourself day after day are cages in which you imprison yourself.

And yet, your inner dialogue shouldn’t be a prison, but on the contrary, a space to remind yourself that you’re free to be happy in your own way, in your own way.

Yes, your inner dialogue belongs to you; it’s your space of freedom and creation.

In fact, your thoughts and beliefs shouldn’t be burdens – quite the contrary. So, every day, step by step, thought by thought, belief by belief, free yourself and move towards your happiness.

What do you think?

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover My 200 tips for happiness
Discover How to think positively: 5 secrets for seeing the positive

I recommend this inspiring book:

The Inner Game of Tennis by W. Timothy Gallwey

Gallwey’s book explores the power of mastering inner dialogue and the mental aspects of performance. Although the title may suggest a focus on tennis, the principles discussed are broadly applicable to various aspects of life. The book focuses on the psychology of inner dialogue, offering insights into overcoming mental obstacles, fostering a positive state of mind and achieving peak performance, not only in sport, but in any activity where inner dialogue plays a crucial role.

A marvellous book whose appeal extends far beyond tennis. I think anyone who reads this book will instantly identify with the challenges of our conscious and unconscious selves.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself