Having trouble relaxing? Too much stress, too much fatigue, day after day? What can we do to get out of this vicious circle? What actually prevents us from relaxing? Here are the 5 mistakes to avoid if you want to live a happier, more relaxed life.

1 – Difficulties in relaxing: stress

Stress has become a way of life. It’s always there, at work and at home. In fact, we hardly know what a stress-free day is anymore.

We get used to it, we adapt to it.

Unfortunately, our bodies can’t cope.

That’s why we get body aches, migraines and trouble sleeping.

In fact, stress is a vicious circle.

The more we have trouble relaxing, the more we stress, and the more we stress, the more we have trouble relaxing.

In other words, how can you relax?

To do so, we need to stop letting stress settle into our lives, in other words, we need to stop trivializing it.

So, when you’re stressed, it’s essential that you take time out to de-stress.

A real time, a real pause to ask yourself the right questions: why am I stressing? What do I need to de-stress? What can I do to feel better, more at peace?

In fact, all too often, we think we’re the victim of stress, but we’re not. In fact, we can – and should – listen to our stress and make it go away.

We can do it. It’s just that today, being stressed has become normal. But it’s not. It’s dangerous for our health and, what’s more, it prevents us from relaxing.

2 – Relationship problems

When we have trouble relaxing, it’s quite possible that we’re having relationship problems.

There’s nothing more trivial than having relationship problems. Indeed, communication between individuals is not always easy.

That said, when it has repercussions on your level of relaxation and well-being, it means that it’s a relationship problem that you’ve probably been letting linger for a while.

In fact, it’s quite possible that you’re waiting for things to sort themselves out.

That’s why, without you realizing it, there’s a pressure, a nervousness inside you that’s preventing you from relaxing.

The problem with our relationships is that we often wait for the other person to understand on their own, or we position ourselves as the other person’s victim.

In other words, we do nothing to make things right.

But when we realize that this has a direct impact on our well-being, it’s time to take matters into our own hands.

Quite often, this means asking for an explanation: “I need to understand why you did that/said that, because I felt sad/angry…”.

I know it’s not easy to talk about your emotions and ask for explanations, but it’s the only way we can solve our relationship problems.

To help me take action, I remind myself that life is short and that I don’t have time to drag around misunderstandings, anger and grief that I could soothe with a conversation and so I could regain my well-being and relax again.

3 – Difficulty relaxing: boredom

When we find it hard to relax, it’s also possible that we’re bored and don’t know how to react.

After all, we don’t like being bored. In fact, we’re almost ashamed of it.

Because everyone else seems to have passions and fun in their lives, while we’re bored…

In other words, when we’re bored, we feel bad and we reject this state with all our might.

That’s why we can’t relax anymore, because we’re desperate to escape boredom.

So, to regain serenity, it’s essential to rethink the way we look at boredom.

Boredom is a sign, an opportunity to take stock of what’s important to us, what we’re passionate about.

In fact, boredom is our ally; it comes to bring joy back into our daily lives.

The trick is not to push it away, not to deny it, but to accept it and live fully: “Okay, I’m bored right now.”

Then it’s a matter of taking stock: “What do I like right now, and what do I like less? What makes me want to do it? Am I stopping myself from doing certain things that would give me pleasure?

In fact, boredom invites you to introspect and go in search of your joy.

Do this and you’ll regain your ability to relax again.

After all, you can only relax when you feel you’re doing the right thing for the right reason.

But all too often, we do anything and everything to avoid asking ourselves the right questions.

Ask yourself the right questions.

4 – The work

We don’t always manage to give our work its rightful place. Sometimes it bores us, sometimes it takes up too much space. And it’s not always easy to find the right balance.

That’s why, when we find it hard to relax, it’s important to check our relationship with our work.

Are we doing what we need to do to achieve our full potential? Or are we overdoing it?

And, finally, how can we find the right balance? How can we give our work the right place in our lives?

It’s all about listening to you and trusting you.

Understand that it’s normal to lose your balance, to sometimes be too much and sometimes not enough.

The important thing is simply to regain your balance with confidence and serenity.

So don’t look to the left or the right, don’t listen to advice about yourself, learn to listen to yourself, to your needs in the moment.

In fact, understand that what you need right now is not necessarily what you needed in the past or what you’ll need in the future.

We’re always changing.

So just listen to what you need. Because it’s by listening to our needs that we can finally relax. Because we’re in tune with ourselves.

5 – Difficulties in relaxing: beliefs

When it’s hard to relax, it’s also essential to look at your beliefs.

It’s quite possible that you believe that :

“You have to live life to the full.

“Life isn’t easy. Life is hard.

“There’s no time for fun.”

That’s why I wholeheartedly invite you to check your beliefs to make sure you’re allowing yourself to relax, to slow down when you want to.

To do this, I invite you to take a gentle, benevolent look at yourself. After all, you’re not here to control and judge yourself. You’re here to look after yourself, to take care of yourself.

That’s your role, your mission on Earth.

Indeed, do you think you’re alive, that you’ve been given this gift to be under pressure all the time?

Do you believe that the miracle of life serves this purpose?

That’s why give yourself permission to feel good. It’s your right.

Next, I invite you to do a visualization exercise. Imagine that what you’re telling yourself, what you’re forcing yourself to do every day, a dear friend is telling himself the same thing you are, and imposing the same burden on himself day after day. What would you say to your friend to help him or her relax?

The words you say to your friend, offer them to yourself.

Be that friend who watches over you, who wishes you the sweetest, most beautiful life.

This visualization exercise has changed my life and continues to change it. Indeed, talking to myself as a friend helps me every day to find that gentle balance that allows me to relax.

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover Accepting life as it is: 4 steps to greater serenity
Discover Obsessive thoughts: 6 powerful tips to soothe them

I recommend this inspiring book:

The Power of Rest: Why Sleep Alone Is Not Enough by Matthew Edlund

Edlund’s book explores the importance of rest beyond sleep and its profound impact on overall well-being. He addresses the modern challenge of difficulty relaxing by offering insight into the various dimensions of rest, including physical, mental and social aspects. The book provides practical strategies for incorporating intentional rest into daily life, helping us overcome the difficulty of relaxing and promoting a more balanced and rejuvenating approach to relaxation.

I started reading this book when I had a job that never ended and needed to take breaks between tasks.
I found the author’s style easy to read and informative.
I recommend this book if you think you don’t have time to rest, or if rest seems unattainable!
We need rest in many forms, so read on.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself