We regularly experience relationship problems. Arguments, but also misunderstandings and misunderstandings. So what can we do to manage conflicts in a peaceful, constructive and lasting way? Conflicts exhaust us a little more every day. So how can we get out of them gently and sustainably? Here are my 5 tips for dealing with conflict in a more compassionate and understanding way, for healthier, more positive relationships.

1 – Don’t brood, listen and deal with conflict with compassion and understanding

Too often, after a conflict, we tend to brood in our corner. We tell ourselves how mean others are and how unlucky we are. Which may be true in some cases. But that’s not even the point.

The question is: do you want to keep wasting your time and energy ruminating, or do you want to use it to deal with the conflict and then move on?

So, if you want to emerge from this conflict with compassion and understanding, it’s time to learn to stop listening to your negative ruminations and really listen to yourself. How do you feel about this conflict? Is it anger, sadness, fear, jealousy? Put into words the emotion(s) you’re feeling.

Then ask yourself why you’re feeling this or that emotion. What does it mean to you? What is the unmet need that’s causing the conflict?

Understand that listening to yourself is the only way for you to regain some inner peace and serenity. So give yourself this gift!

2 – Put yourself in the other person’s shoes for greater compassion

If we fail to handle conflicts with compassion and understanding, it’s because we have difficulty putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes. First of all, after a conflict or an argument, we have no desire to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes. Instead, we hold on to our anger or sadness.

But at some point, if we really want to get out of the conflict, we’re going to have to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes. Not to feel sorry or guilty, but to understand.

To understand how he may have felt, what may have driven him to the conflict, and how he may feel now. In fact, the aim here is to restore the other person’s human image. He’s not a villain, a monster, just a human being with flaws and, above all, a heart! Becoming aware of this can really work miracles in any relationship. So, what are you waiting for?

3 – Ask for explanations instead of making negative assumptions, and handle conflicts with understanding

So, putting yourself in the other person’s shoes is all well and good. But sometimes it’s a good idea to ask for explanations. To do this, you need to take a deep breath and open a dialogue. It’s not easy. What’s more, our ego, which feels scorned, doesn’t really like it.

But when we want to handle conflicts with compassion and understanding, asking for explanations is a must. The good news is that as difficult as it is to take the first step, we feel much better after we’ve explained.

Because when we leave our mind uninformed, it creates a whole bunch of false negative information for itself. It tells itself its own negative story. So, to avoid this, let’s ask for explanations. It’s good for everyone!

4 – Refocus on what’s most important to manage conflicts with compassion and understanding

Maintaining good relationships with others is not easy. Even with those closest to us. And perhaps, especially with those closest to us. And why is that? Because the closer people are to us, the more we expect of them.

And this prevents us from refocusing on what’s most important: love. Indeed, don’t forget to love the people you love – it’s as simple as that. To do this, let go of all those inordinate expectations you have of others. Let it all go. You don’t need to be loved perfectly. You just need to be loved. And you are. Accept imperfection. Otherwise, you’ll condemn yourself to increasingly chaotic relationships.

5 – Letting go of your ego for greater compassion

Our ego is not at all our ally when it comes to managing conflicts with compassion and understanding. Because it likes to play the role of other people’s victim. So it buries itself in the highest tower of its castle and tells itself that it’s surrounded by spiteful people and that it won’t come down until others become nicer.

It may make you smile, but I know that there’s a lot of truth in this image. We tend to overreact to conflict. And it’s normal, because fear, sadness and anger all come together, and it’s very difficult to live through.

But no matter what happens, no matter how difficult, don’t let your ego get the better of you. Let it go. Don’t listen to it when it makes you think you’re too vulnerable and that other people are evil monsters. You’re not a victim, you’re capable and you deserve to exist alongside others. So don’t isolate yourself. Open up the dialogue again.

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover Active listening: 4 steps to making others happy
Discover Improving communication and avoiding conflict: 5 tips

In addition, I recommend this inspiring book on the subject:

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

Despite not being focused on conflict resolution, this novel which takes place during the Second World War is a moving account of humanity’s capability to be both cruel and compassionate.
A journey that will bring you joy and sadness! A perspective you won’t expect, but will love! I highly recommend it, it’s a book full of emotions!

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself.