Having good relationships with others is the promise of a happy and successful life. The problem is that, on a day-to-day basis, our relationships tend to be conflictual and complicated. Relationships that weigh us down, make us lose self-confidence and sometimes even completely ruin our lives. So how can we have and maintain healthy relationships? Here are the 5 secrets.

1 – Take the time to choose well

In life, we tend to make a very common mistake, but a mistake nonetheless.

We make friends with someone, and only then do we ensure that he or she is worthy of our friendship.

Philosophers such as Seneca used to explain that it’s wiser to make sure the person is worthy of our friendship before granting it.

In other words, we judge a stranger and trust a friend. Rather than trusting a stranger and judging a friend. Can you see the difference?

Indeed, to live healthy relationships, we have to be careful to choose the people with whom we decide to have a relationship.

So take the time to choose, to judge whether the other person is compatible with you, for example.

Because if you don’t choose right from the start, the relationship will inevitably hurt you and waste your time, which is far too precious to waste this way.

2 – Healthy relationships are about trust

Once you’ve taken the time to choose, it’s time to trust. Really trust. Not blindly, but completely all the same.

Because there’s nothing worse in a relationship than suspicion and judgment.

Indeed, feeling judged is a very unpleasant feeling, and so is putting yourself in the position of judge.

That’s why, in healthy relationships, we choose to trust the other person. Nothing more, nothing less.

In other words, we don’t spend our time looking for mistakes and pointing them out.

3 – Remain autonomous and independent

Emotional dependence and the tendency to want to please or be too nice all the time destroy relationships. It complicates everything, ruins everything in fact.

That’s why it’s essential to know how to remain autonomous and independent.

So what does this mean in concrete terms?

It means making sure you don’t make your happiness or even your good mood depend on the behavior of others. In other words, not letting the other person take up too much space, too much importance, to the point of losing your autonomy in terms of happiness and well-being.

To achieve this, we must continue to satisfy our own needs and not try to satisfy those of the other person at all costs.

4 – Strike a balance for healthy relationships

In any relationship, there’s a balance to be sought. Not a perfect balance, because that doesn’t exist, but a healthy one.

First of all, to maintain healthy relationships, you have to understand that in a relationship, it’s not one person who gives everything and the other who receives everything.

So, while there may be times when the difference is more marked, the relationship must return to a certain balance fairly quickly, or risk falling into a toxic, unhealthy relationship.

To find this balance, it’s essential that each person feels free to communicate their needs and desires. This doesn’t mean that the other person has to agree to satisfy them. Not at all.

Because, in a healthy relationship, knowing how to say no and hear no is essential. And, it’s because we know how to receive a refusal or give a refusal that we feel free to communicate our needs and desires in a healthy way.

5 – Authenticity and transparency are key to healthy relationships

In healthy relationships, people are aware that they are not in the other person’s head, and that the other person is not in their head. In other words, they realize that it’s essential to be authentic and transparent with the other person.

Because in toxic relationships, we can see that one person tends to hide their feelings and needs, claiming that the other should know, so they don’t need to express them. There’s nothing more toxic than that.

That’s why, in healthy relationships, it’s important to remain authentic and transparent about your needs, as well as your feelings and emotions. In other words, not letting the other person guess and guess, but saying authentically and transparently what we want and feel.

What’s more, it’s essential to ensure that the other person is authentic and transparent too. To do this, don’t hesitate to ask the other person questions like: How do you feel? What do you want? rather than guessing or making assumptions.

Because healthy relationships don’t plunge us into unpleasant, toxic questioning.

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover Improving communication and avoiding conflict: 5 tips
Discover Conflict management: 6 tips to put an end to conflict for good…

In addition, I recommend this inspiring book on the subject

The Light Between Oceans by M.L. Stedman

This novel recounts the journey of a couple living on a isolated island who make a decision that will have an ongoing and life-changing impact on their lives and those of others. Trust, forgiveness and the consequences of choices are carefully addressed throughout.
One of the best novels I’ve read this year. Both moving and uplifting… an astonishing novel. Highly recommended.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself.