We don’t always know what to do when we’re going through a crisis in our relationship. Especially when anger, fear and sadness get in the way. So how do we get through this crisis smoothly? Here are 3 magical steps to follow.

1 – Distancing yourself during a relationship crisis

First of all, it’s essential to take some distance, because when we let our emotions get the better of us, we tend to say or do things we later regret.

That’s why distance is essential to regain our composure and avoid further undermining our relationship.

Distance means physical distance. It can be for a few hours, or even a few days.

It all depends on the intensity of the crisis.

During this distance, there are no messages or phone calls. It’s a complete distance, because we can let our emotions overwhelm us by phone or message.

This distance is necessary, but it’s not easy.

Because, when we’re going through a relationship crisis, we’ve got a lot of questions, a lot of “whys” and a lot of blaming to do.

In fact, it bubbles up inside us and burns our throats.

When that happens, breathe.

Because you’re not going to see things any more clearly if you leave words heavy with blame and anger. Quite the opposite, in fact.

2 – Refocus on yourself

In fact, it’s not by bombarding the other with reproaches and questions – which are more often accusations, by the way – that we’re going to get through this relationship crisis.

In fact, it’s essential above all to refocus on ourselves, on our needs and desires.

Why is this? Because, all too often in relationships, our eyes and thoughts end up clinging to the other person, and we forget ourselves completely.

What do I need? What do I want? What can I do for myself?

It’s possible that, over time, you’ve developed enormous expectations of your partner.

That your well-being depends on what he or she does or doesn’t do.

It’s also possible that the same is true of your partner.

That’s why, by distancing yourself, you’ll be able to take stock and refocus on yourself. And, in so doing, free yourself from certain expectations that are polluting your relationship, certain things that you no longer do for yourself and that, little by little, are destroying your happiness and well-being.

That’s why I wholeheartedly invite you to come back to yourself.

Instead of thinking about the other person, asking yourself a thousand questions about him or her, about your relationship, think about yourself.

What do you need and want for yourself? What are you? Where are you going? What do you like?

3 – Look for solutions rather than excuses

Now that you’ve refocused on yourself, it’s time to look for solutions for your relationship.

And it’s not easy – in fact, it’s very uncomfortable.

And why is that? Because we live in a society that has made us addicted to drama, that has taught us to over-react to things.

In other words, we know how to hurt ourselves, but not how to do ourselves any good, especially as a couple.

In fact, just look at the number of films and TV series about couples breaking up and tearing themselves apart. How many of them show us couples looking for solutions?

In fact, looking for solutions, rather than excuses, will invite you to do something we don’t know how to do: communicate.

But first, you need to ask an honest question: “Do you want to work things out? Do you want to make an effort to get out of this relationship crisis?”

You have the right to answer “no”.

Take 3 deep breaths, close your eyes and let the answer come to you.

Forget about “how to do it”, “how it’s going to be”, simply: “do I want to?”

And if the answer is “yes”, ask yourself what solutions you can bring to your relationship crisis.

Take a sheet of paper and make a list. Try to think of at least 5 different solutions. Don’t judge the quality of the solutions, just let your creativity flow.

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover Being happy as a couple: 5 things worth doing
Discover How to live as a couple: 4 things our partner is not

In addition, I recommend this inspiring book on the subject:

Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson
The author delves into the science of love and attachment. The book will help couples improve communication and deepen their emotional connection.
I recommend it to all pairs. Communication is everything. Learn to love in a way that makes your partner feel loved.
A must-read for anyone in a relationship. It’s good quality and contains things you can do to improve your relationship with anyone.

Thank you so much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself.