Our relationships aren’t always rosy. Indeed, there are conflicts and sometimes hurtful words are said. Sometimes they slip out, sometimes they’re said in good conscience. But that doesn’t change the fact that they hurt. So what can you do to protect yourself from criticism and hurtful words? Here are 3 tips.

1 – Don’t pretend everything’s fine after a hurtful word

When someone says something hurtful to us, our reflex is often to say: “Come on, it’s nothing. The person didn’t mean it. We’re not going to question everything.”

First of all, it’s our “too nice” side that pushes us to pretend everything’s fine. In fact, we make excuses for the other person at all costs, because we don’t want to put them in an uncomfortable situation.

Then there’s our fear, which drives us to pretend everything’s fine. In fact, we’re afraid to go to the other person’s face and talk about the hurtful words that have been said. Fear of hearing certain things.

And then, sometimes, there’s an element of laziness. We don’t want to waste our time listening to explanations. So we shrug our shoulders and pretend nothing happened.

Except that the hurtful words remain. The damage they do never really goes away. It’s a poison.

And when we pretend everything’s fine, that poison eats away at our self-confidence and self-esteem. It makes us doubt ourselves and everyone else.

That’s why pretending is such a bad idea. On the contrary, it’s essential to take back hurtful words.

First of all, in relation to ourselves: “How do I feel about these hurtful words? What’s going on inside me?”

Then, in relation to the other person and the relationship: “What did your hurtful words mean? Why did you say them? What did you really want to express?”

That said, it’s true that reaching out to the other person is difficult. So, first, let’s look back at hurtful words in relation to yourself, then let’s move on to the other tips.

2 – Take a step to the side so you don’t overreact either

Most of the hurtful words we’ll hear throughout our lives won’t be thoughtful, considered or conscious.

They will be unfortunate words, spoken in anger, fear or sadness.

They’ll be words said to protect ourselves or to shake us up so that the relationship can take a new turn.

In fact, it’s important to understand that not all of us have learned to communicate well.

We don’t even know how to understand ourselves, how to speak to each other or how to express ourselves.

So why are we so affected by hurtful words said out of pure clumsiness?

That’s why I wholeheartedly invite you not to dramatize certain hurtful words either.

On the contrary, take the time to breathe and gain some perspective.

To do this, look back at the person who said those words. Who is this person? How long have you known them? What are their main qualities? What do you like best about them?

Then ask yourself whether you really think the hurtful words were clumsy or not.

Indeed, don’t let yourself be blinded by pain, then by your ego.

Yes, don’t let your wounded pride make you doubt a person, a relationship, for a few words.

3 – Remember your self-worth to regain your self-esteem

In fact, what hurts most about hurtful words is that they affect our self-esteem.

When someone says something that hurts us, especially someone close to us, we start to doubt our own worth.

Because someone says a few clumsy words to us, a few words of anger, frustration or sorrow, we question ourselves completely.

It’s terrible when you think about it.

Don’t you know who you are? Don’t you know your own worth?

Then why do you let words, just a few words, get to you and knock you down?

In fact, if it hurts you so much, it’s because you’ve forgotten your self-worth, your qualities, your history, your dreams and your hopes.

That’s why, after hurtful words, go back inside yourself and remind yourself of your worth.

It’s very simple: make a list of your qualities, list everything you’ve overcome in your life, what you’ve succeeded in doing and the trials you’ve been able to get through.

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover ʜᴏᴡ ᴛᴏ ɢᴇᴛ ᴀᴡᴀʏ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴛᴏxɪᴄ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ: 5 ᴛɪᴘꜱ ᴛᴏ ꜰʀᴇᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀꜱᴇʟꜰ
Discover How to deal with difficult personalities at work or in your life? 3 tips

In addition, I recommend this inspiring book on the subject:

Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion by George J. Thompson
Although focused on verbal communication, this book teaches you how to turn negative situations into positive ones by defusing potentially harmful words.
If you’re looking to expand your communication skills or calm down some arguments, look no further. The amount of knowledge and ideas I’ve gleaned from Verbal Judo has been a blessing. I look forward to applying some of these strategies in the future.

Thank you so much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself.