We talk more and more about conflict management, as if it were something we had to accept and tolerate in our lives. And yet, conflicts are time and energy consuming, stressing us out by making us constantly on the alert, on the defensive. Here are 6 tips to put an end to conflict for good, and finally have truly peaceful relationships with others.

1 – Sorting out

Conflict management is all about sorting things out.

And to do that, it’s time to allow yourself to sort out your personal relationships. Yes, because unfortunately, we don’t choose our colleagues.

In fact, we’ve been taught since childhood to be too nice, to do everything to be liked and approved of by others.

That’s why, today, we have relationships full of conflict, tension and stress.

Relationships in which we walk like on eggshells, in which we pay close attention to what we do and say.

How burdensome.

So, as a first step, if some of your relationships are a source of too much conflict, sort them out.

For yourself, for your health and your happiness.

And if those relationships that are weighing you down too much are professional relationships, maybe it’s time for you to dare to leave and look elsewhere.

2 – Taking responsibility for conflict management

Now, let’s move on to managing the more “trivial”, less recurrent or burdensome conflicts, those that come upon us by surprise.

So, first of all, we have to take our share of responsibility.

It’s not a question of letting our ego blind us to the fact that we’re in the right. I’m in the right.

Or “I’m the victim and this person is my executioner”.

Which is completely false.

Because nobody can be our executioner. Someone may hurt us at a given moment through words or deeds, but once it’s over, it’s over.

So it’s up to us to decide whether we want to deal with the conflict or not.

That’s why taking responsibility, in concrete terms, means accepting what has happened.

Then it means asking ourselves whether or not we want to make things right, and if so, how.

3 – Don’t take all the responsibility for conflict management either

So, taking our share of responsibility – that is, stopping positioning ourselves as the scorned victim – doesn’t mean making ourselves 100% responsible for everything either.

In other words, it’s not about condemning ourselves as if we were the executioners of others.

So, how do we find this happy medium?

By realizing that there are always two of us in a relationship. That each of us can make mistakes, and that efforts don’t always have to come from the same person.

That’s why, in practical terms, breathe and remember that you’re not a super villain.

4 – Dare to communicate for better conflict management

Conflict management is all about communication.

But how do you communicate after a conflict?

When everyone sticks to their guns, when no one dares to make the first move?

If you want to resolve this conflict, if you don’t want the relationship to end now, then dare to communicate, dare to take the first step!

And, rather than beating about the bush, it’s a good idea to talk about the conflict again right away, with the intention of calming it down, of course.

Because, all too often, we tend to go back to the person and pretend nothing has happened.

The problem is that we learn nothing from the conflict, in other words, the relationship doesn’t evolve, and that’s a shame.

So dare to take the first step and express your feelings about the conflict.

Don’t blame the other person, and don’t blame yourself either.

Talk about your feelings: I’m sad, angry or scared, I’m stressed…

And ask the other person how they feel.

That’s a good start, and then let things happen.

Because communicating is essential in a relationship, even if we’re talking about uncomfortable, embarrassing things. It’s really essential, because that’s the only way we can build real, sincere and increasingly peaceful relationships.

5 – Dare to forgive

Conflict management also means daring to forgive.

In fact, it’s as if we’ve learned to always be at war with others, as if we had to constantly protect ourselves, and then we’re surprised to have so much conflict in our relationships.

But we’re not at war with anyone, and we don’t have to protect ourselves from others.

So stop constantly looking for the slightest mistake, the slightest lack of respect.

Other people will make mistakes, and so will you.

Because we’re all such different human beings.

We think differently, we do differently, but we all crave warm contact with others and we all want to be happy.

So why are we so cold to each other and make each other so unhappy?

So learn to forgive and accept others as they are.

Stop asking too much of them and forgive their mistakes.

6 – Don’t talk about everything

Now, still on the subject of conflict management, why not focus on how not to have conflicts with others?

To do this, it’s essential to avoid certain subjects.

Sometimes, even when we’re talking to very close, benevolent people, certain subjects do more harm than good.

For example, talking about your projects. People who love you very much will be afraid for you and will start trying to make you doubt, and this can lead to big conflicts.

Then there are our political and religious convictions, our deepest and most intimate convictions. Here too, even if you’re with a loving and caring person, it can happen that you touch on a subject that’s too sensitive, creating a conflict.

Above all, we must avoid commenting on each other’s actions. I’m talking in particular about your children’s upbringing, the way you eat, the way you live…

Because even someone we love, but who feels criticized, won’t appreciate it. This situation can also create conflict.

In other words, learn to keep certain things to yourself.

But what’s there to talk about?

Positive things, joint projects, good news…

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover Active listening: 4 steps to making others happy
Discover Improving communication and avoiding conflict: 5 tips

In addition, I recommend this inspiring books on the subject:

Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen
Tackling the intricacies of challenging conversations, this book offers a comprehensive framework for managing conflict with empathy and open-mindedness.
One of the best books on communication I’ve ever read… a fabulously common-sense approach to communication, whether it’s a difficult conversation or not…. A safe way to share information and make everyone feel heard. A truly excellent book.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself.