Arguments between couples make us more and more tired every day. Because they seem to go on forever, and they generate a lot of negative, stressful emotions. So what can we do about it? What if it were possible to make our arguments more positive? In fact, here are 3 powerful tips for making the most of them and calming them down.

1 – Distancing yourself

When couples argue for too long, anger gets in the way, and we end up saying things we regret, or in the worst case, doing things we regret.

That’s why it’s essential to know how to distance ourselves before we get there.

Physical distance.

In fact, we get out of the room, even out of the house.

In this way, we cut the anger short, we don’t let it build up to the point of erupting willy-nilly, sometimes doing irreparable damage.

Then we might think of it as running away.

What’s more, some people think it’s a good idea to argue from time to time, so we can say what’s on our minds.

I don’t share this view at all. In fact, I don’t think it’s during an argument that we’re best able to express clearly what we feel or what we need.

In fact, we’re more likely to say things we regret than to say things that will strengthen our relationship.

That’s why distance is essential.

2 – Putting arguments into perspective

Once we’ve got some distance, we can come back to the argument more calmly.

First of all, I wholeheartedly invite you to put what just happened into perspective.

After all, arguments happen to couples every day.

In fact, sometimes we overdramatize an argument, thinking that it’s a bad sign, that it’s an indicator of the poor health of our relationship.

It’s not.

Couple quarrels are simply a signal that one or both people have needs that are not being met, but that person is either unaware of them or unable to express them.

In other words, the person has reached such a point of frustration, anger, stress or fear that it explodes and ends up in an argument.

So let’s keep things in perspective.

In fact, arguments between couples are a sign that something needs to be sorted out, but they’re not a sign that it’s all over, that everything has to be thrown out.

To put things into perspective, I invite you to ask yourself this question: “In 5 years, will this argument still have an impact on my relationship?”

Then breathe.

3 – Review your expectations during arguments

Now it’s time to be honest with yourself, especially if the argument started with you.

Do you have any expectations in your relationship, and are they realistic?

If you find yourself angry over an argument, it’s quite possible that your expectations are far too high.

So ask yourself this question with kindness and curiosity.

Then find out what it is about your relationship that’s driving you to quarrel.

Then ask yourself how you can make them more realistic from now on, or even how you can detach yourself from them altogether.

Because you have to understand that a couple is the association of two completely different, totally unique people.

You may agree on certain points, but you can’t agree on everything.

You have different ways of thinking, doing and communicating.

That’s why, when we have expectations, we unintentionally put the person in front of us into pretty boxes, and when they come out of them, when what we expected of the person differs from reality, we don’t understand.

It’s a reminder, sometimes painful, but at the same time salutary.

It reminds us to welcome, discover and accept each other.

Because we’ll never get to the bottom of the people around us, even after many years, others will continue to amaze us.

And it’s up to us to choose whether this source of astonishment makes us feel fear or anger, or, on the contrary, curiosity and benevolence.

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover How to live as a couple: 4 things our partner is not
Discover To stay or to go? 4 tips for bored couples

In addition, I recommend this inspiring book on the subject:

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman
The author delves into the core tenets of maintaining a healthy, thriving marriage, including effective approaches to managing conflict.
This book has helped us in the area of communication. It literally saved us. I’d recommend it to anyone. It’s something we always find ourselves re-reading. it’s perfect for any newlywed or any couple in general.

Thank you so much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself.