Empathy is the ability to put oneself in another’s shoes, to listen without judging, to feel kindness and to accept others as they are. In other words, developing empathy is the surest path to happiness, serenity and more beautiful relationships. Here are the 3 secrets to transforming your life and your relationships.

1 – Understanding and developing empathy

Empathy is about connecting with others. It’s stopping condemning, judging and rejecting others for what they do, say or even what they are.

Ultimately, empathy is about putting yourself in the other person’s shoes, understanding or at least guessing at their suffering, and realizing that they’re doing the best they can.

In fact, empathy is understanding that all human beings want to be happy, and so we’re all alike. Like one big family.

But that each of us has his or her own story, wounds, joys, faults, weaknesses, qualities and strengths.

So we’re all unique, which is why, although we all strive for happiness, the results differ and, above all, the methods for achieving it differ.

In other words, to develop empathy, we need to stop trying to understand and reason, and learn to feel and connect with others.

It means learning to hear beyond words, to see beyond gestures, to divine suffering and become aware of the need we all have: to be happy.

2 – Don’t fall into the empathy trap

The problem with empathy, because yes, there is one, is that sometimes emphatic people let themselves be devoured by others.

By their suffering, their problems.

They even think it’s impossible, even forbidden, for them to be happy until everyone else is.

And this wonderful, luminous quality, so necessary to the world, becomes a prison, a weight too heavy to bear.

That’s why it’s essential for anyone who’s emphatic or looking to develop empathy not to fall into the empathy trap.

In fact, there are two kinds of empathy: dry empathy and wet empathy.

Wet empathy means taking other people’s suffering on your shoulders, looking for solutions to other people’s problems at all costs.

Dry empathy is listening to the suffering of others, offering help to others.

Can you see the difference?

In fact, empathy mustn’t turn you into some kind of superhero who carries all the suffering of others and the world on his or her shoulders.

Take a breath.

Empathy means listening to others with kindness, curiosity and gentleness.

But it certainly doesn’t mean taking charge of other people’s lives and happiness.

Why not? Because no one has the power to make others happy.

We can offer our help, but nothing more.

In other words, don’t let your empathy devour you.

3 – Develop your empathy with 3 techniques

We all have varying degrees of empathy. In fact, for some, it’s more natural than others.

In fact, as I said earlier, we all have strengths and weaknesses.

In other words, empathy can naturally be your strong point or your weak point.

That said, we can always develop empathy, but if it’s our weak point, to turn it into a strong point.

But how?

To develop empathy, we can start by reading books on empathy.

Spiritual books, particularly on Buddhism, which talks a lot about compassion and empathy.

We can also start meditating on empathy. In concrete terms, sit down in a quiet place and ask yourself some gentle questions about empathy.

How do you show empathy? When do you usually lack empathy? What does empathy mean to you? How would you like to express your empathy?

Finally, start practicing with people you trust.

To do this, make small commitments such as: for the next 5 minutes of this conversation, I pledge to listen with empathy and compassion.

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover Active listening: 4 steps to making others happy
Discover Living in peace with others: 8 keys to harmonious relationships

In addition, I recommend this inspiring book on the subject:

Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brené Brown
The author discusses the relationship between vulnerability and empathy. This book will inspire a deeper understanding of ourselves and others.
It changed my life! It helps me understand that the path to love, joy, adventure and growth is the same path on which I will encounter setbacks, as well as perceived failures and pain.

It has given me the courage to keep trying, one day at a time. And the hope that clear intentions, vulnerability and self-inquiry are the anchors of a joyful and purposeful life.

Thank you so much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself.