The fear of becoming attached and suffering pushes us to stay alone. In fact, we dream of finding love while dreading it. So how can we overcome our fears and feel free to love? Here are 4 tips to take the fear out of commitment and regain your confidence and serenity.

1 – Understanding the fear of attachment

Fear of attachment and fear of suffering are normal. In fact, it’s human nature to want to protect ourselves from life’s sorrows.

However, it becomes problematic when it prevents us from living.

Because although we feel the fear of attachment, we also feel the need to find love.

And our fear and our need clash, wearing us down.

So what can we do? It’s about overcoming the fear of attachment and suffering.

It’s about understanding and accepting that this fear is there, very present, but that you have everything you need inside you to overcome it and satisfy your need to find love.

In other words, you’re not the most fearful person in the world. So don’t condemn yourself.

It’s normal to be afraid. Everyone’s afraid. It’s just that you may have to work harder than others to overcome your fears. But you’ll get there!

2 – Fear of attachment: learning to love yourself

In fact, we’ve learned to love conditionally. And above all, to be loved conditionally.

Indeed, our parents and teachers had expectations of us, and if we gave them satisfaction, then we were rewarded, but if we disappointed them, we were punished.

That’s why, today, we’re afraid of getting attached.

Because it’s the other person who has all the power over us, who holds all the love.

But that’s not true.

Love is first and foremost within you. In fact, it’s self-love that we should have learned as children.

Because, once we love ourselves, the other person is just the icing on the cake of our life.

In other words, we’ll no longer be afraid of losing the person we love, because often what hurts us most is that when the person leaves, they take our source of love with them.

But if our source of love is within us, then we can no longer lose it and suffer.

That’s why I wholeheartedly invite you to learn to love yourself and make it your priority!

To do this, start by repeating to yourself: “I’m a wonderful person. I love and accept myself as I am”.

Repeat this to yourself: in the morning when you wake up, in the morning in your bathroom, when you arrive at work, on your lunch break… ALL THE TIME!

3 – Believe in your inner strength

If you’re afraid of becoming attached, you’re also afraid of making the wrong choice and getting stuck with the wrong person.

We’re afraid the other person will hurt us, so rather than take that risk, we listen to our fear and prevent ourselves from finding love.

And, as a result, we miss out on our lives…

So, how can we avoid this? How can we overcome the fear of attachment and the fear of commitment?

Understand that there’s something inside you that’s stronger than anything else. It’s all about trusting yourself.

Yes, if you get attached to someone, the arguments and the break-up, if it happens, will hurt you.

But have faith in yourself, in your heart’s ability to heal itself.

You know, suffering is everyone’s lot. In fact, every day in the world, people suffer. And they all have the ability to get back on their feet.

Some will need more time, others more help. But they will rise again.

And so will you!

In other words, get over your fear of commitment, your fear of suffering. Repeat to yourself: “I am strong. I am mighty. My heart is scarred. It is valiant. It will always face anything. To anything!”

Also, if you’re afraid of being in a relationship that’s toxic for you, remember: you’re strong. Leave! End any relationship that’s hurting you! Choose yourself.

4 – Fear of becoming attached and suffering: accept the idea of breaking up

“Nothing lasts forever.

A quote that makes us realize that breaking up in love is part of the journey. Sometimes it happens sooner than expected, sometimes it never happens at all. That said, death eventually takes care of it…

That’s the way life is.

And the fear of becoming attached prevents us from accepting this. It’s as if we were children closing our eyes and plugging our ears, because we don’t want to accept reality.

That’s why I wholeheartedly invite you to keep coming back to the idea of breaking up. Again and again, until you accept the reality.

Finding love sometimes means losing it too.

That’s just the way it is.

In fact, it’s not life that’s punishing you, it’s just life taking its course.

Ultimately, the fear of becoming attached is the need to control everything, but you can’t control love. Especially not the love a person has for you.

But you can control the love you have for yourself.

What’s more, you can repeat to yourself this phrase: “A breakup is the end of something, but it’s also the beginning of something else.”

Learn more about:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover The 10 signs of a toxic relationship: a guide to recognizing them
Discover Protect yourself from hurtful words : My Best 3 tips

I recommend this inspiring book on the subject:

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie
This groundbreaking book deals with codependency, the fear of attachment and the importance of setting healthy boundaries in relationships. It is filled with useful tips for self-care and self-fulfillment.
If you find yourself inclined to control out of fear that things will go wrong for you or others… this book will help you relax and take better care of yourself. This book helps you to relax and take better care of yourself, as well as learning to give others the space they need to control their own lives.
Great book!

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself.