Maybe you haven’t been able to find love for a while, or after several failed relationships, you’re not sure you’ve found the right person. That person with whom you can build a happy, solid relationship. Here are 3 steps to help you choose the right partner.

1 – Know yourself to choose the right partner

First and foremost, to choose the right partner, you need to know yourself.

Yet our first instinct when we want to find love is to focus on the other person. We imagine them more like this than like that.

The problem is that we forget the person who makes up the other 50% of the relationship: ourselves.

Who are we? What do we want?

Two essential questions to which we don’t always have the answers.

In fact, we often say to ourselves: “I’m a good person who wants a good person.

Too vague!

How can you expect to find the right partner if you don’t take the time to get to know yourself?

That’s why I wholeheartedly invite you to take the time to get to know yourself: who are you? What do you love? What are your passions? Or what makes you angry? On a day-to-day basis, are you stressed or Zen?

And what do you want? What would be your ideal relationship? But that’s not all. What do you want in all the other areas of your life? Does your work take up a lot of space? Do you want children? Where do you see yourself living in 5 years’ time?

These are essential questions for choosing the right partner, because if you don’t know yourself, you won’t be able to attract the right person for you.

That’s why you need to take all the time you need to get to know yourself. You’re an exciting person.

2 – Listen to your inner voice to choose the right partner

Now that you’ve taken the time to get to know each other, it’s time to start dating.

And here again, we make a mistake. We tend to force ourselves, i.e. we have doubts inside us and we keep them quiet.

But when there are doubts, it’s because there are no doubts.

In fact, we have a little inner voice, our intuition if you like, which knows things, which senses them.

We just haven’t learned to trust it. Even though everything inside us is crying out: “No, it’s not the right partner”, we don’t listen to this cry.

And we force ourselves. We say to ourselves, “Well, I can give him or her another chance.”

In fact, choosing the right partner means not living with the fear of missing out on someone, not saying, “I’ll try, even if I don’t really want to.”

Choosing the right partner means knowing instinctively that we want to find out more about this person, to discover him or her, to spend some time with him or her.

3 – Agree on what’s most important in choosing the right partner

Now that you know yourself, now that you instinctively feel this urge to find out more about this particular partner, then it’s time to agree on what’s most important.

In fact, if you’re at this 3rd stage, it’s because you’ve seen each other a number of times, and it’s time to slowly agree on what’s most important.

First of all, passions.

Indeed, if you love going to museums and walking for hours, and your partner doesn’t like any of these things, it’s going to be complicated on a daily basis.

I’m not saying we have to agree on all our passions – and it’s great to have a few of our own – but we do need to find one or two common passions. Otherwise, life can get pretty boring… (laughs)

Then there are the daily routines.

It’s not about becoming a private detective, but rather about getting to know each other: is he an early riser and you? What’s his ideal evening, and you? Does he work a lot, and you?

Because choosing the right partner means agreeing on what’s most important. For example, if your family is super important to you and his family is really horrible, you’re likely to be unhappy over time.

In fact, all too often, we make the mistake of believing, especially women (yes, we do), that we’ll be able to change the other person over time, that we’ll be able to turn someone who doesn’t like family dinners into someone who loves them. Wrong!

That’s why it’s essential to check beforehand and know when to say stop. Because choosing the right partner is about stopping choosing the wrong person, believing that he or she will become the right one over time.

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover How to save your relationship? 5 mistakes to avoid making
Discover How to keep the flame alive in your relationship: 7 tips to follow

In addition, I recommend this inspiring book on the subject:

How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk: The Foolproof Way to Follow Your Heart Without Losing Your Mind John Van Epp
This book offers a comprehensive roadmap for assessing the character of potential partners, as well as providing a number of practical ways to make informed decisions about choosing a compatible and healthy relationship.
Ultimately, getting to know others takes time, effort and patience. If you want a lasting relationship, you have to put in the work, before and during! This book gives you easy-to-understand steps you can apply as you get to know your potential partner. The more you know!
This book showed me why I keep attracting and being in relationships with similar unfavorable patterns. I’m re-reading it to keep future situations under control and wise.

Thank you so much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself.