To leave or to stay when you’re bored in your relationship is a question we all ask ourselves. In fact, in our society, we put love above all else, and we’re made to dream of couples that last and, above all, never get bored. That’s why we ask ourselves so many questions. Should we be afraid of boredom? Is passion better than tenderness? How can we make sense of it all? Here are 4 tips!

1 – To stay or to go: not to be influenced by others

When it comes to our lives, everyone has their say. As if others know better than we do, as if they know us better than we know ourselves.

And the problem is, we believe it. Yes, we let ourselves be influenced enormously by others, as if they were the voice of reason.

Worse still, we tend to go off on our own and take advice left and right. We tell ourselves that we’ll see things more clearly thanks to outside advice.

In fact, we do this because we’re afraid. Afraid to listen to ourselves.

Afraid to make a decision and be solely responsible for it.

It’s normal to be afraid, but this fear needs to be overcome, not drowned out by heaps of conflicting advice.

Because, at first, hearing certain opinions relieves us, especially when they go our way, but in the long run, it oppresses us, because others have good arguments and we doubt them.

Because yes, most of the time, you already have the beginnings of an answer deep down inside, and you’re looking to others not for their opinion, but for their approval.

But beware of coming across people with solid arguments who will surely influence your decision.

In other words, when you don’t know whether to stay or go, when you’re bored in your relationship and don’t really know what to do, refocus on yourself.

What you feel, what you want, who you are.

You can ask for a listening ear, for support, but don’t take advice. Don’t let them influence you.

2 – To stay or to go: take stock of your desires

When you’re wondering whether to stay or go, it’s time to take stock.

So take a moment to ask yourself these questions: what do you like about your relationship and what don’t you like about it? What do you want in your relationship and what don’t you want?

Take a curious look at your relationship, not a critical one.

What works well and what doesn’t?

Then ask yourself: why am I bored? What would I like more? What would I like less of?

Take your time to ask yourself these questions and rediscover your relationship, always with a curious, non-judgmental eye.

3 – Embody the person you want to be

Now turn to yourself. What kind of person are you?

Do you prefer passion or tenderness? Do you prefer the idea of a solid, tender couple, or one in which passion reigns?

Allow yourself to rethink your vision of the couple: what is your ideal life as a couple?

Don’t think about your current relationship. Allow yourself to dream, and dream big!

After all, you have the right to dream. Yes, in life we don’t always get what we want in the moment, but it’s up to us to take the daily actions that lead us step by step to what we want.

In other words, don’t adapt to what you don’t like, and follow your dream, your ideal.

4 – Ask two important people for advice

To help you see things more clearly when you’re bored in your relationship and wondering whether you should stay or go, I invite you to do this exercise.

Take a moment and imagine you’re looking at the child you were when you were 8 years old.

What were your dreams back then? What kind of love life did you dream of?

Then imagine having a conversation with her. What would she say about your current life? Would she be happy, proud?

Finally, take another moment and imagine you’re looking at the old person you’ll be when you’re 80.

Imagine having a conversation with her: what would she tell you about yourself, about your love life? What advice would she give you to help yourself?

Remember, the child you were and the old person you’ll be have an overwhelming love for you. In other words, they haven’t come to judge you, they’ve come to support you and help you by telling you about their dreams. Your dreams.

Learn more about:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover How not to get bored as a couple: 4 magic tips!
Discover Being happy as a couple: 5 things worth doing

I recommend this inspiring book on the subject:

Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates

This novel traces the journey of Frank and April Wheeler as they navigate the daunting obstacles of life in the suburbs. The book tackles themes of conformity, dissatisfaction and the search for meaning in a relationship.
It may be about life in the ’50s, but this masterful, imaginative novel is truly about the human psyche, whatever the era. That’s what makes it timeless and a classic.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself.