What isactive listening? What if it were the best way to make others happy? Indeed, we all aspire to the well-being of our loved ones. In fact, we want to experience this satisfaction, because to be happy is also to make others happy. That’s why I’d like to share with you the 4 steps you need to follow to practice active listening and offer real time for sharing with the people you love.

Why active listening can make others happy, and not only them?

Active listening is the greatest gift we can give to others. To actively listen to someone is to make room for them, to look them in the eye, without judgment, without impatience, to make them feel that they exist.

If we’ve ever had the experience of being listened to, we’ll recall that feeling of fullness and well-being that came with it. We experienced humanity. Someone confirmed to us that we exist. And that’s the most important thing.

A person doesn’t need a solution to their problem when they come to see us, they need to feel they exist in someone else’s eyes and presence.

“When we listen to someone, we give them warmth. Our presence means they no longer feel alone. Our attention reassures them, confirms their existence. They sense our empathy, and it lifts them up.”

What’s more, when we listen to a person, completely, totally, to the end, without interrupting, without advising and without sharing our experience, we take the crazy pressure off ourselves to help the other person with anything other than listening.

When we understand that the best we have to offer someone is our 2 ears, our gaze and our kindness, we free ourselves from our fear of being powerless.

How can we make others happy? The answer is simple and requires no training, just practice: it’s about listening to others, being present, showing humanity and humility .

1 – Active listening: detaching ourselves from our experience

To listen to someone properly, we have to forget our personal history. In fact, we have to forget ourselves altogether. That way, we can concentrate totally on the other person, on what they’re experiencing and feeling.

So let’s not make comparisons with what we’ve experienced ourselves.

2 – Active listening: don’t try to understand everything

“You don’t have to understand to be a good listener”.

In addition to forgetting our personal experience, we need to put an end to our need to understand everything. If our mind tries to understand, it’s bound to get distracted. So we can’t listen to the person.

To be present to others, to listen to them, let’s remember that facts and understanding are secondary.

The more a person feels listened to, the less time they’ll spend talking, because they won’t have to repeat their story if we don’t interrupt them.

3 – Giving the person a moment of silence

Once the person has finished saying what he or she has to say, let’s be quiet for a moment. Let’s not get into immediate comments. The aim is to give the person time to add something if necessary, and to become aware of what they’ve said.

Let’s simply look at the person, with kindness, empathy and patience.

After a few moments’ silence, let’s ask her how she’s feeling.

4 – Open the discussion

Let’s offer to go deeper into the problem:

Does she want to add anything?
Does she want us to look at her options together?
Does she want to hear what we think about it?

Learn more about:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover How to listen to yourself: 3 tips for getting back to yourself
Discover Caring communication: 3 tips to adopt

I recommend this inspiring book on the subject:

You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why It Matters” by Kate Murphy
This book is an in-depth study of the art of listening and the way technology impacts our ability to truly connect with others. The book gives pointers on how to become a more attentive and empathetic listener.
I’ve been recommending this book to everyone since I read it and, to this day, I’m still looking for a similar book. It teaches you a lot about being more aware of your words and the importance of active listening. I recommend it 100%.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself.