How to accept others? With hindsight, it’s easy to see that criticizing others serves no useful purpose other than to isolate us little by little. Unfortunately, it’s not always easy to accept others. What can you do about it? Here are 7 tips for having more harmonious relationships with others.

1 – Accepting others: firing the perfectionist in us

How can we accept others? By first dismissing the perfectionist in us.

You know, the one who wants everything right away, the one who believes that perfection exists right now.

The perfectionist in us first of all pushes us to be far too demanding of ourselves. We constantly judge and criticize ourselves.

That’s why it’s only natural for perfectionists to demand the same of others: perfection in everything. So we criticize others, asking them to change at all costs.

To dismiss the perfectionist in us is to understand that perfection doesn’t exist: we’re not perfect, life isn’t perfect and neither are other people.

So let’s learn to breathe and understand that flaws and limitations are part of life, and completely normal and acceptable. Yes, let’s learn to look in the mirror and see ourselves as we are: not perfect!

We’re here to improve and the others are great teachers as well as good students.

Criticism condemns and isolates us, whereas the desire to improve opens us up to others.

How can we accept others? By not expecting them to be perfect.

Comment accepter les autres ? 7 conseils pour ne plus critiquer

2 – Taking care of your needs

What drives us to criticize others? Most often, it’s when they don’t meet our needs. Yes, we tend to say of our family or friends, “If they love me, they’ll know.”

How can we accept others? By understanding that others will never know about us!

The only person who knows best is ourselves. So let’s take charge and do what’s right for us.

No, our companion is not lazy. Yes, he does fewer household chores than we do. Do we have the same needs in terms of cleanliness? Have we discussed ways of delegating certain tasks?

What I mean is, if you have a need, satisfy it. Don’t wait for others to guess, because that’s the best way to end up criticizing them harshly.

How can we accept others? By accepting that they are not there to satisfy our needs.

And it works both ways. After all, we’re not here to satisfy other people’s needs either (apart from those of our children, who are still too small to fend for themselves).

If someone asks you to satisfy one of these needs and you don’t feel like it, say so. Find a solution, discuss it. Instead of doing things and then criticizing others harshly.

Take care of yourself by satisfying your needs. Respect your limits and make sure they’re respected.

3 – Understand that the other is my mirror and stop criticizing

Did you know that we see in others what we see in ourselves? In fact, it’s been said that it’s impossible to see in someone something that isn’t already present in ourselves.

The good news is that it works for our qualities. In fact,when you admire a quality in someone, it means you have it in you. So, maybe you need to work on it to make it grow. But you’ve got it, and that’s great!

The not-so-good news is that it also works for flaws. In other words,when you criticize someone about one of these flaws, it’s because you have that same flaw. Maybe not as pronounced, maybe you’re even preventing yourself from having it, but it’s there. In other words, that someone you criticize for something can criticize you for the same thing.

This “law” is very interesting, because through our criticisms or celebrations, we can learn to know ourselves better.

Indeed, every time we hear ourselves criticized, we can ask ourselves this question:

At what point can I accuse myself of this?
That way, we can accept others. Why should we? Because we’ll have proof that we’re not perfect either.

How can we accept others? By seeing our faults behind the criticisms we level at others. With kindness, of course.

4 – Accepting others: seeking respect before understanding

Sometimes we criticize others because we don’t understand them.

We’re all part of the human family , but we’re also all different.

In fact, we all want to be happy, and we want others to respect this need (which we all share). However, since we’re all different, there are as many ways of thinking, doing, dreaming, living and being happy as there are people on Earth.

In other words, know that other people don’t necessarily want you to understand them, but at least to respect them. Respect their way of thinking, doing, living and being happy.

Respect them as much as you want to be respected, and even more. That’s the secret of happiness and successful relationships.

Don’t try to understand others, just observe their way of being in the world.

Tell yourself that this person has something to teach you, so relax. You don’t have to justify it, just as she doesn’t have to justify herself.

Do what’s good for you, and leave the other person free to do what’s good for them.

How can we accept others? By not trying to understand them and by stopping justifying ourselves.

Learn more about:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover Living in peace with others: 8 keys to harmonious relationships
Discover 4 steps to free yourself from toxic relationships

I recommend this inspiring book on the subject:

The Stepford Wives by Ira Levin

This classic novel ventures into the eccentric, superficial world of Stepford, where wives seem all too perfect. It tackles themes of conformity, shallow standards and the fallout from criticizing those who don’t conform.
I loved this book
It’s so brilliant that clearly something is terribly wrong in Stepford, but no one seems to care or realize it. It’s up to the reader to picture the horrors happening without the author ever revealing anything. Wonderful.
The only downside would be that it just wasn’t long enough! I was totally involved in this book and didn’t want it to end.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself.