We all have impulses of all kinds that clutter up our lives and spoil them. So how can we control our impulses? How can you regain self-control? Here are my 7 tips to help you regain self-control and a calmer, zen-like life.

1 – Identify your impulses

To change something, you need to be aware of it. That’s why, to master your impulses, you need to identify them one by one. So it’s not a question of listing your shame and guilt, not at all. It’s not a question of judging ourselves, but of becoming aware in all honesty and clarity of all our impulses that hinder and encumber us in our lives.

So, take a sheet of paper and a pencil and list your impulses. All of them. In every area of your life. Then sort them in order of annoyance. At the top of the list, write down the impulse that bothers you the most, and at the bottom, the one that bothers you the least.

Making this list will help you regain greater serenity. Because, all too often, we turn a blind eye to what’s going on in our lives, creating a grey area that weighs us down all the more because we don’t really know what it is. Now you know. And the burden becomes lighter. Because putting words to these ills is liberating.

2 – Make a clear, sincere commitment to controlling your impulses

Once you’ve identified your urges, you need to make a clear and sincere commitment to controlling them. But before you do that, you need to choose which drive you want to work on first. Don’t think you’ll be able to master all your urges at once.

In fact, to master your impulses, you need to take things one step at a time, slowly but surely, and work on just one impulse at a time. You have two options for choosing the drive you want to work on first.

Either take the drive at the top of your list, the one that bothers you the most, because you’ll be more motivated to stop it. Or, take the one at the bottom of the list, the one that bothers you the least, because it may be the easiest to stop.

Once you’ve made your choice, make a clear and sincere commitment to controlling your impulse. Every day, announce out loud: “Today, I make the commitment to…”

3 – Draw up a plan of action: identify triggers and moments of risk, and learn how to avoid them.

So, making a clear and sincere commitment to controlling your impulses is all well and good, but now it’s time to roll up your sleeves. The next step is the hardest. So, to give yourself the best chance of success, you need to draw up a two-stage action plan.

First, list all the situations that lead you to adopt the impulse you’ve decided to control. Identify all the triggers, all the moments at risk. Then, for each trigger, each moment at risk, find a concrete and easy solution to avoid falling into your impulse.

Take the time you need to build your action plan. Write it down as you go along. It will be your best guide, so keep it close to you at all times.

4 – Get help to control your impulses

Controlling your impulses is a difficult but necessary task! To make this self-control work easier and more enjoyable, it’s a good idea to enlist the help of a coach, for example. I’d be happy to help you with this.

You can also try relying on certain people around you. Ask them to let you know when you’re giving in to an impulse, for example.

Don’t work alone. Surround yourself with caring, positive people.

5 – Learn about happiness and personal development to control your impulses

Training in happiness and personal development will help you develop greater self-confidence, better self-esteem and an iron will. 3 pillars that will help you develop greater self-control, and thus master your impulses, one by one. So, what are you waiting for? I’ll be happy to train you.

6 – Write a logbook

Mastering your impulses doesn’t happen overnight. In fact, you’ll learn something new every day, through a challenge, a failure or a victory. These 3 things are synonymous, since they are learning experiences that lead you slowly but surely towards greater self-mastery. They are the promise of a calmer, zen-like life.

That’s why I wholeheartedly invite you to write a daily journal. Take stock of what you’ve done during the day to control your urges. What was easy and what wasn’t? Why or why not? What can you do to make tomorrow easier and more enjoyable?

This journal will be an invaluable partner in your work on yourself. What do you think of it? Will you adopt it?

7 – Learn to say no and develop better self-control

I’ve noticed that mastering your impulses also means knowing how to say no to yourself. Not out of guilt, coldness or spite. But out of love. Because when we want to control our impulses, it’s out of love for ourselves and for life. It’s not to hurt us, but to do us good.

So don’t say no because you’re ashamed of yourself, ashamed of your impulses or because you want to hurt yourself, but out of love for yourself, for life and for doing good.

Change isn’t easy, but only because it requires effort, patience and perseverance. In fact, this learning can be done gently, with love and joy, and not with suffering. This change of posture is essential if we are to succeed in mastering our impulses. What do you think?

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover How to better manage your emotions: 5 steps to a more serene life
Discover How to get rid of bad habits

I also recommend this inspiring book on the subject:

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde:

This classic novel recounts the story of Dorian Gray, a young man whose portrait ages while he continues to appear young and handsome. It explores the consequences of self-indulgence, hedonism and lack of self-control.
It’s a very good read and I really enjoyed the story.

Great book!

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself.