How to live as a couple? Living as a couple is often one of our life goals. Because living as a couple is more intense, more reassuring, and more meaningful. Having said that, living as a couple doesn’t always make our lives more beautiful, it sometimes complicates them. In fact, you have to learn to live as a couple! There are good things to do and not-so-good things.

1 – Understanding that our partner is neither a problem nor a solution to our relationship

All too often, we tend to project our problems onto our partner. When we’re bored in our own lives, we blame our partner for being boring or irresponsible, and so we become boring to balance things out.

In fact, when we feel bad, when we realize there’s something wrong, instead of looking inside ourselves and asking what we can do to get better, we look at our partner and declare him or her guilty.

Our partner is responsible for our discomfort, because he doesn’t take the initiative. But what if we were the ones who couldn’t make up our minds?

Let’s just breathe for a few moments. Let’s close our eyes. Refocus on ourselves. How do we feel? What’s wrong with us (not our partner)? What can we (not our partner) do about it?

Our partner is neither our problem nor our solution.

Everything we feel comes from us, from our interpretation of what’s happening to us. And everything that makes us happy comes from us, only us.

That’s why I invite you to ask yourself this question: among the criticisms you make of your partner, aren’t there some you could be making of yourself without realizing it?

How do we live as a couple? By taking responsibility for how we feel.

2 – Our partner is not our emotional dustbin

Here’s a bad habit we all have. The habit of expressing all our emotions to our partner, without filter, without anything.

In other words, our partner has the “pleasure” of listening to us get upset, complain and moan all day long, knowing that he himself has his own emotions and problems to deal with.

If you tend to call your partner as soon as something happens to you, it’s time to stop. It’s so exhausting.

When you’re angry, you can handle it. When you’re frustrated or disappointed, you can handle that too. And when you’re sad, you can ask for a hug. It’s so much more constructive than wasting your time moaning.

Take a breath. You’re perfectly capable of managing your emotions. You just have to learn.

How can we live as a couple? By understanding that our partner is not our emotional dustbin, and therefore, by taking care of our emotions.

So, of course you can grumble or express your anger from time to time. The problem comes when it becomes a habit.

Offer your partner quality time, real conversations, real moments of sharing.

3 – Our partner is not our appointment book, housekeeper or accountant.

Here again, bad habits set in too quickly. In a couple, one person will “specialize” in a task, and all too quickly, it’s taken for granted. In other words, we don’t even take the time to say thank you. And worse, we lose our autonomy.

Leaving the other to do the accounts, the shopping or the laundry is a major handicap in life, and jeopardizes the couple’s balance.

Let’s learn to turn on the hats, to take an interest in the whole life of the couple. And if the other is more comfortable in one area, let’s ask him or her to teach us.

How do you live as a couple? By doing things together, all the things. Let’s take an interest in everything that affects our life together.

4 – Understanding that your partner is not a piece of furniture for your relationship

With our daily lives, our obligations and the stress that consumes us, we sometimes come to the point where we no longer pause to look into our partner’s eyes and kiss or hug them.

It’s as if he were part of the furniture.

Our partner is someone we’ve chosen to accompany us through life, and deserves our time and attention . Let’s make sure that life doesn’t make us forget them.

Our partner’s presence is not a given. He can leave at any time; he’s free to go. Let’s remind him every day that he’s also free to stay.

How do we live as a couple? By giving our partner time and attention on a daily basis. Just the time for a kiss or a cuddle.

Learn more about:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover Happy in love: 3 mistakes that make us suffer
Discover The 50 most beautiful quotes about love to share without moderation

I recommend this inspiring book on the subject:

The Course of Love by Alain de Botton
This novel blends fiction and philosophy to closely follow the journey of a couple, Rabih and Kirsten, as they face the growing challenges and evolution of their relationship. It gives an insight into the true nature of long-term partnerships.
I feel much more empowered after reading this book, yet I didn’t feel it was a self-help book. It’s the book everyone needs if they’re after something that will help them make sense of and love their lives, their children, all relationships, really….
Great book!

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself.