How to manage social anxiety? Anxiety causes us to dread interactions with other people: strangers, colleagues and even friends. And yet, having good relationships is essential to being happier. Here are 10 positive thoughts to help you get started and communicate better.

What is anxiety?

1 – Definition of anxiety

Anxiety is physical and psychological discomfort. When we’re in the presence of others, we don’t feel at ease at all, or even worse, we feel incompetent. We can barely get two words out, if we haven’t simply run away.

Anxiety can be specific: you’re only anxious around a certain “type” of person: older people, younger people, people of the opposite sex, people who ask questions, authoritarian people, aggressive people… But it can also be non-specific: you’re anxious all the time and with everyone.

2 – Learning about anxiety

First of all, anxiety is a learned fear or discomfort. Indeed, during our childhood we learned to fear others.

There’s not much point in knowing when and how we learned this behavior. What is interesting, however, is to become aware of when and in what situations we currently feel embarrassment or fear.

How can you manage your anxiety? By discovering the situations that make us anxious at the moment.

What’s more, since anxiety is a behavior we’ve learned, it means we can unlearn it .

3 – Anxiety is a perception

Finally, anxiety, that physical and psychological discomfort that arises when we feel incompetent to react in a given situation.

Indeed, just as stress results from our perception of potential danger and our ability to cope with it, anxiety follows the same principle.

We’re anxious because we don’t think we can handle a situation. We lack confidence in ourselves and our abilities.

How can we manage our anxiety? By understanding that it’s all in our heads, it’s just a perception!

Managing social anxiety with positive thoughts

Anxiety is the result of our inner dialogue. We think we’re incompetent and can’t communicate “normally” with others. These are just thoughts, irrational thoughts.

Have you ever listened to yourself before, during and after a social interaction? What did you say to yourself?

First of all, before a meeting, when you’re anxious, you say to yourself before meeting people and having to communicate with them:

Will I be interesting?
Am I going to talk nonsense, make a fool of myself?
What if I get a review?
Will I have anything to say?

1 – “I’m worth as much as everyone else.”

2 – Managing social anxiety: “Whatever happens, I’ll get through it!”

3 – “Maybe it won’t be easy, but I’m confident I’ll know what to do.”

Then, during the meeting, wemay think irrationally:

I don’t know what to say. I’m freaking out.
Can you tell I’m uncomfortable?
What I’m saying is totally lame
Why did he tell me that, is he making fun of me?
What can we say?

4 – Managing social anxiety: “I’m calm and relaxed. I concentrate on my breathing.”

5 – “I choose to focus on the positive things that can happen.”

6 – “I don’t have to prove anything to anyone. If they accept me, great. If not, too bad. It’s not necessary for everyone to love me.”

7 – Manage your social anxiety: “What am I seeing, hearing, smelling… While I focus on my 5 senses, I don’t think about what I’m worried about.”

And finally, after the meeting, when we suffer from social anxiety, we can torture our minds by thinking:

Why did I say that?
What did they think of me?
They’ll never want to see me again
On the contrary, after a social interaction, we should congratulate and encourage each other!

8 – “I did my best. Well done!”

9 – “I have the right to be who I am. At least if I’m loved, it’ll be for who I really am.”

10 – Managing social anxiety: “No one has to like me but me.”

Before you go, I’d like to say one last thing. It comes from the bottom of my heart.

There’s no point in being anxious. In fact, it’s a complete waste of time. We’re worth all the gold in the world. We’re incredibly lucky to be alive. Let’s not waste it on false thoughts. Let’s be happy and proud of who we are.

“Learning to love yourself is the shortest path to happiness.”

In my opinion, there’s nothing more beautiful than a human being who reveals himself with vulnerability. There’s nothing sadder than a human being who hides behind a lack of self-confidence.

Learn more about:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover How to overcome negative thoughts: My best tips for managing anxiety and stress
Discover ʜᴏᴡ ᴛᴏ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴄᴏᴜʀᴀɢᴇ: 10 ᴘᴏᴡᴇʀꜰᴜʟ ᴛɪᴘꜱ

I recommend this inspiring book on the subject:

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

The main character, Charlie, struggles with social anxiety and numerous other mental health issues as he faces the challenges of high school. The novel explores themes of friendship, acceptance and self-discovery.
I loved this book! I look forward to rereading it in the future to further critique it and see what my current self missed.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself.