How to save your relationship? We are subject to the dictatorship of “faster”. Stress has become a habit, and we find ourselves on edge. We get upset for nothing, not at the right time, not for the right reasons, and certainly not with the right people. Our relationships deteriorate more and more. And we end up asking ourselves this question: how can we save our relationship?

1 – Saving your relationship: stop playing the “he/she is the one” game

Have we ever heard ourselves talking (or grumbling, to be more precise)?
He says I don’t listen to him… but it’s he who doesn’t listen to me.
She says I don’t do anything around the house… but it’s her, she does things for nothing, she doesn’t know how to rest.

In fact, we don’t listen to what the other person says, and in return, neither does the other person. Each of us expresses our needs, but neither of us listens, and a dialogue of the deaf ensues.

Let’s stop seeing ourselves as victims of the other, who is our executioner, our persecutor.

What if we made the choice to really listen to what the other person is telling us, even if it seems unfair? That’s the first step!

2 – Saving your relationship: don’t try to understand the other person at all costs

When a couple quarrels, anger or stress inevitably cause us to exaggerate and say things that go beyond our thoughts.

Unfortunately, we tend to take what the other person says at face value. It’s a mistake!

The 2nd step to better listening to and understanding each other as a couple is to see what lies between the lines.

What does the other person really mean when he tells me (unfairly or not) that I never listen to him? Indeed, behind a reproach or aggressiveness may lie fear or sadness…

Can we help the other person to express the real need behind these reproaches?

need to be listened to, reassured, supported, encouraged…

3 – Projecting your fears onto your partner

We tend to interpret other people’s behavior. It’s terribly human. Indeed, we’re used to “filtering” reality according to our own thoughts.

In other words, before we “see” things in each other’s actions or words, let’s take the time to listen to ourselves: Am I enjoying myself right now? Do I feel good in my body, in my head? Am I taking care of myself?

How do we know when we are projecting our thoughts and fears onto others? It’s very simple:

Let’s replace the “he/she” with “I”.
When he looks at me, I feel like he doesn’t love me anymore. It becomes: When I look at myself, I feel like I don’t love myself anymore.

Let’s not underestimate the destructive power of our negative thoughts on ourselves and our relationship. Our fears feed our thoughts, which in turn create our reality.

The less we feel good about our bodies, the more we’ll project that fear onto others. And what we think of ourselves: that we’re less attractive with those extra pounds, will eventually come true.

This brings us to our 4th mistake.

4 – Saving your relationship: don’t have too many expectations

It’s when the other person becomes responsible for our happiness that problems arise. When we have too many expectations of the other person, we suffocate our relationship, because we are perpetually disappointed. And then the blaming starts.

But we’ve got the wrong target. We ourselves are responsible for our own happiness. Not the other person, us!

Raphaëlle Giordano, in her book “Ta deuxième vie commence quand tu comprends que tu en n’en avez qu’une” says this very beautiful thing:

“The other must only be the icing on the cake”.

We have to meet our expectations and satisfy our needs. The other only enhances our daily lives.

If we don’t feel good about ourselves, it’s up to us to do everything we can to make ourselves feel better. It’s not the other person’s job. In my opinion, that’s the worst mistake we can make. What do you think?

5 – Stop waiting until the last moment to explode

It’s a classic mistake. Why is it so? Becausewe tend to want to be “too” nice. When something bothers us, we relativize: “No, but it’s not his fault, it’s no big deal…” Then once, twice, then three times. And then we explode.

The other person doesn’t understand the intensity of our reaction, and in the end, finding it exaggerated, doesn’t even want to understand us.

Saying things as we go along is essential. On the one hand, because we can stay in control of our emotions and say things calmly.

What’s more, if we wait for the end of the line, we explode and are not at all consistent in what we say. And yet, it’ s important to remain coherent when formulating our needs, so that they are understood by the other person.

Learn more about:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover How to stop being jealous in love: 3 powerful tips!
Discover Letting go in love: 3 ideas for a healthy relationship

I recommend this inspiring book on the subject:

The Bridges of Madison County by Robert James Waller

This novel narrates the tale of an Italian war bride and a National Geographic photographer as they meet and fall in love in 1960s Iowa. It explores the intricacies of love and the difficult choices people face.
I can’t believe I’ve waited this long to read this book. It’s written in such a way that I felt all the passion and pain of Robert and Francesca’s relationship. It brought tears to my eyes.
The love story illustrates love, desire, sacrifice and unfolds a unique, once-in-a-lifetime story of two people loving each other. This book reminds us to cherish the special moments spent with our loved ones.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself.