How to tell the difference between what you really want and what others tell you to do. You should. You should… In fact, we haven’t learned to listen to and trust ourselves and today, we don’t know how to answer that question: “what do I really want?” That’s why here are 5 tips to help you know what you really want.

1 – Sorting

If you’re reading this article, it’s because you’ve noticed that there are far too many “must haves” in your life.

In fact, we’ve learned to accept injunctions. It started with our parents and teachers, then it was society that continued with magazines and advertisements.

So how can we tell the difference between what we want in life and what we think we should want in life?

To find out, I wholeheartedly invite you to take a sheet of paper and list all the “I shoulds” that are running through your head.

List at least 10 sentences that begin with “I should”.

I should lose weight. I should be nicer…

List everything.

Then, replace the “I shoulds” in the sentences you’ve just written with “I choose to”.

How does this make you feel? Are there any sentences you like?

In fact, cross out all the sentences you don’t like and keep only the ones that resonate with you. Keep only the “I choose to” phrases that make you smile, that inspire you and that lead you to greater joy. This is what you really want.

2 – Make your bucket list

To find out what you really want in your life, I wholeheartedly invite you to do the bucket-list exercise.

A bucket list is a list of the 100 things you’d like to do before you die. In other words, it’s a list of all the things you dream of.

In fact, the power of this exercise lies in the fact that you have to list 100 things, which is why, at first, you may have dreams a bit like everyone else…

But the more you write, the deeper you’ll get into what you really want.

I wholeheartedly invite you to take the time to do this exercise.

Personally, I do it twice a year. Once on my birthday and a second time at the beginning of the year.

Because it brings me back to what I really want. After all, it’s normal to regularly get lost in the “I shoulds” – there are so many of them around us.

What’s more, it helps me check that I’m still heading in the right direction.

3 – A visualization exercise to find out what you really want

We all too often forget that we have two very powerful guides within us.

The first is the child we once were. The second is the old person at the end of our lives.

The child helps us to return to the joy of living, to the simplest things in life.

Because we have a tendency to complicate our lives, don’t we?

That’s why I wholeheartedly invite you to take a moment to close your eyes. Imagine yourself sitting on a bench next to the 7-year-old you once were. Go back to your photos and remember your face, your life at that time.

Then ask: What do you think of my life today?

Imagine the child looking at your present with a kind but demanding eye. Because this child has dreams, which you’ve probably forgotten, but which are essential to him.

So, he’ll dare to tell you if this life pleases him. Listen carefully and rediscover the dreams you had when you were younger. They’re important.

Then close your eyes and imagine yourself as an old person at the end of life. Imagine yourself serene. There’s nothing left to do, just remember the good times.

Imagine what you’d like her to tell you about her life: what has she done with it? What is this old person proud of?

Ask her for advice too.

Because this old person loves you with all her heart, she knows you’re doing your best, that you’re lost and just need a little help to find your way back. So listen to her.

I love this visualization exercise. I do it whenever I start to doubt my path, when everything becomes too serious, too heavy to bear.

4 – Knowing what I really want is a quest

Answering the question “How do I know what I really want?” is essential.

But above all, it’s a quest. A road we travel. A path full of detours and dead ends.

It’s normal that you have no certainties. Knowing what you want is an impetus, a hope even.

That’s just the way life is.

But we’re led to believe that life is fixed, that we can control everything. We’re also made to fear that we have to be like this and not like that. But it’s not true.

There’s room for everyone. There are as many ways of living, thinking and being happy as there are people on Earth.

What’s more, life isn’t a destination, it’s a path.

That’s why knowing what you want is a quest, and always will be.

Plant seeds. Take small actions. And let yourself be carried along by hope rather than fear.

5 – Taking care of your joy and surrounding yourself with the right people

Ever since school, we’ve been taught to be serious, too serious. We have to fit into boxes, and never leave them, because how else can we define ourselves?

For a long time, I tried at all costs to fit into boxes, but I could see that the harder I tried, the less happy I felt.

So I decided to start there, by learning to be happy, and I discovered that happiness is about being yourself and following your own path.

In fact, happiness is about stopping taking things too seriously and putting joy at the center of your life and daily routine, at the center of your decisions and dreams.

That’s why I wholeheartedly invite you to always aim for your joy and take care of it.

To do this, stop listening to people, to injunctions that push you to make serious choices and that don’t hesitate to scare you.

Look, I’m a psychiatrist. It’s crazy when I think about it.

I’ve lived in Switzerland and have always been fascinated by different cultures and countries.

I love reading books on philosophy and spirituality.

So, learn to surround yourself with people who push you to follow your joy and discover what you really want.

It’s your life, it’s your gift. In other words, it’s up to you to choose what you want to do with it.

Trust yourself. Your joy will be your guide.

And I’ll be happy to accompany you on your way.

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover What’s the meaning of life? Tips for getting back to what’s most important
Discover Taking stock of your year: 10 questions for a fresh start

I recommend this inspiring book:

This Boy’s Life by Tobias Wolff

This memoir recounts the author’s troubled adolescence and his journey to self-discovery and independence by trying on a number of personas. It’s a powerful tale of overcoming adversity.
The book is a page-turner without the cheap thrills.
This is the second time I’ve read this book. I’m sure this one will be of great interest to all ages.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself