It’s a wise decision to stop living for others, but how do you put it into practice? Whether at work or at home, we’re all too nice. In fact, we’re afraid of disappointing others, so we spend a lot of time trying to satisfy everyone else’s needs. So, how can we succeed in living for ourselves? Here are 3 mistakes to stop making.

1 – Stop believing that our relationships with others are more important.

What drives us to live for others, but which we don’t realize, is that we believe others are more important in our lives than ourselves.

In fact, we’ve learned to make the mistake of putting others above ourselves.

Yes, in our childhood, we had to satisfy the adults around us, to be and do as they wished, otherwise we were punished.

That’s why today we find it so difficult to say “no”, for example, or to think about ourselves.

And yet, if we stopped for a moment, we’d realize just how wrong we are.

Yes, other people are important in our lives, because our relationships bring joy to our existence. But they can also completely ruin our lives when we start living for others.

In other words, it’s high time you learned to live for yourself while having good relationships with others, and that’s up to you.

In fact, it’s time you learned to overcome your fear of being rejected by others if you disappoint them.

Because that’s the main obstacle: the fear of disappointment.

So, dare to meet your own needs and follow your own desires. Dare to take the risk of disappointing. You have the right and even the duty.

Because you’re here to live your life your way.

2 – Stop living for others: stop believing that others know you better

Living for others goes even further than doing so much for others that we forget to take care of ourselves. In fact, living for others also means living the life that others have decided for us.

How did we get here? It’s because we make the mistake of believing that others know us better than we know ourselves.

Often, we don’t even realize it.

Yet think back to the last time you had to make a choice. Chances are, you asked around for advice.

Let’s take this example: you announce that you’d like to take up yoga, and here’s what most people around you think: “You want to take up yoga? But you’re not athletic.

And, faced with this kind of reaction, what do you usually do? You say to yourself: “If so-and-so says that, he’s probably right.

In fact, to stop living for others is to understand that others only know about you what they want to know about you.

In effect, others lock us into boxes. It’s not mean, it’s just more comfortable for them.

In fact, we do the same thing with the people around us.

So stop making the mistake of letting people box you in. That’s what it means to stop living for others. Yes, you’re not here to be the person they want you to be.

3 – Stop being a second role in your own life

I invite you to take a moment right now to reflect on your last thoughts. Who were you thinking about? Who were you thinking about?

Chances are, you’ve been thinking a lot about other people day after day.

You think about what they think of you. You wonder how you can be more loved, more respected…

In fact, other people have almost all your attention.

And yet, if your life were a movie, who should be on the screen the most? You would! And yet, what’s going on in your life right now?

Other people are the most present. You spend your time guessing what’s going on in their heads, but what’s going on in yours?

You wonder what other people want, but what do you want?

That’s why I wholeheartedly invite you to take back the leading role in your own life.

In other words, when you hear yourself thinking: “he thinks, she wants, they believe”, come back to “I”.

In fact, make more sentences that start with: I want, I choose, I would like, I dream…

And don’t make the mistake of thinking that this will make you a self-centered person, it will make you a happy and peaceful person.

Some people don’t like other people’s light, so let them go. Others, on the other hand, love it, because it makes them want to do the same.

In fact, to stop living for others is to stop living in fear. You’re a good person, a kind person. So stop constantly wanting to be different or do more. You are enough, you do enough.

How do you stop living for others?

Come back to yourself: What do I want? What’s important to me?
Choose yourself: Replace “What will so-and-so think?” with “What do I think?
Stop being thrown off balance by other people’s opinions: repeat the phrase “When others talk about me, they’re talking about themselves. It doesn’t concern me.
Allow yourself to disappoint others: repeat to yourself, “I’m not here to live the life someone else would like me to live. I am the main character in my own life.”
Think about yourself: repeat to yourself “Other people are responsible for their happiness and well-being. Just as I am responsible for my own happiness and well-being.”

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover How to stop having expectations of others: 5 advice
Discover 7 tips for guilt-free living for yourself

I recommend this inspiring book:

Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots by Deborah
Deborah Feldman recounts the journey that led her to leave her ultra-Orthodox Jewish community in search of freedom and self-discovery.
She finally came to the conclusion that she had to free herself from the narrowness and limitations of the Satmar Hasidic community in Brooklyn to which she belonged. She knew she had to free herself so that she and her son could live the life they were meant to live. This is her story, and it’s well written and captivating.
Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself