Being ashamed of yourself is a difficult feeling to live with. We don’t know what to do with it, and we tend to dwell on it, as if to punish ourselves. What if it were time to stop repeating “I’m ashamed of myself” and say “I love and forgive myself”? Here are 4 tips to restore your self-esteem.

1 – I’m ashamed of myself: why?

When we say to ourselves “I’m ashamed of myself”, it’s usually quite vague. In fact, this feeling of shame tends to generalize to our whole person and our life.

However, there are specific reasons, specific events that have led you to feel this sense of shame.

That’s why I wholeheartedly invite you to go back and name the reasons for your shame.

What did you do? When did you do it? Why are you ashamed?

Do this exercise, because it’s essential to freeing yourself. Don’t let your mind make you believe that you should be ashamed of yourself all the time and for everything.

In fact, if you’re ashamed of yourself, it’s because at some point you did something you regret.

Find that moment and stop rejecting yourself and your whole life because of one moment.

2 – Talk to each other like friends

Now that you know why you think “I’m ashamed of myself”, now that you know the reasons, the event in question, imagine that it’s a friend of yours who’s experienced this situation.

Imagine that he’s the one who did what you did, and now he’s telling you: “I’m ashamed of myself”.

Then imagine what you would say to this friend. Would you criticize him or reassure him?

Imagine the speech you’d like to give him. Write it down on a piece of paper.

Then go back to your speech and change the “you” to “I”.

Because when you’re ashamed of yourself, it’s not criticism you need, it’s compassion.

But you haven’t learned to feel compassion for yourself, quite the contrary.

That’s why this “Talk to yourself like a friend” exercise will change your life by helping you regain your self-esteem.

Next, I’d like you to go even further.

Now that you’ve just talked to yourself like a friend, list 3 things you feel proud of yourself for.

After all, that’s what you’d also do to reassure your friend who’s ashamed of himself. Because when you reassure him, he’s going to say: “No, I’m not a good person”, and then you’re going to list all the great things he’s done.

So do the same for yourself. Remember that you are a good person.

3 – Put an end to feeling ashamed of myself: make commitments

Self-shame sticks to us, because all we do is dwell on what we regret. In fact, we feel powerless because we can’t go back and change things.

But we’re forgetting something essential. We can change things now and in the future.

That’s why you need to go back to the things that make you feel ashamed and make commitments.

It goes like this: “I’m ashamed of having done this, and from now on I resolve to do that.

See the immediate feeling of well-being. Your self-esteem soars.

Because remember: you’re allowed to make mistakes and still love yourself.

After all, you’re here to learn, grow and evolve, and often, that learning often involves making mistakes.

So learn from your mistakes instead of beating yourself up about them, wasting your time and your life.

Turn your mistakes into commitments, into lessons. Bounce back. Become stronger, more humble too.

4 – Take small actions and congratulate yourself

Saying “I’m ashamed of myself” is a very difficult thing to deal with. It’s something that makes us hide, curl up in a ball and wait for it to pass.

In fact, we don’t dare do anything anymore, because our self-confidence and self-esteem have taken a hit.

We’ve lost our self-confidence. We don’t even value ourselves.

That’s why it’s time to take action.

Because self-confidence, self-esteem, even happiness, are all actions.

Indeed, it’s time to get up and move on.

In other words, I wholeheartedly invite you to take small actions. To do this, set yourself a small goal, any goal as long as you’re moving forward, doing something rather than dwelling on it pointlessly.

Then congratulate yourself.

In fact, every night, you should congratulate yourself for 3 things. It’s one of the 8 secret habits I tell you about in the free ebook I’m offering you.

Because congratulating yourself boosts your self-confidence and self-esteem. So it’s a habit that feeds one of the main pillars of happiness.

Plus, it’ll help you get over your shame.

Why don’t you take a moment right now and congratulate yourself on 3 things. See how good it makes you feel. Then imagine doing that every night of your life. Imagine what a difference it could make to your daily life.

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover How to accept yourself as you are: 8 useful tips
Discover How to stop doubting yourself: 8 powerful tips

I recommend this inspiring book:

A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara

This novel is set in New York City following the lives of four college friends, with a focus on Jude St. Francis, who has a traumatic past. It delves into themes of shame, trauma and the impact of a person’s history on their self-perception.
The way the book captivated you and drew you into the story, I simply loved it. You get the impression that the protagonist Jude has been our friend for years and that every painful experience he’s had, we’ve been through too. This is one of the most raw and difficult books to read, yet it’s beautiful and absolutely captivating. I highly recommend it.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself