The fear of disappointment is an obstacle to making our own choices and living for ourselves. In fact, we hesitate and doubt ourselves: do we have the right to do this or that? All this is exhausting, and leads to malaise. But how do we get out of it? How can we overcome this fear? Here are 7 tips to help you find the courage to live by your choices.

1 – Understanding the fear of disappointment

The fear of disappointment is normal. In fact, this fear invites us to adopt the right behaviors for living in society.

But today, this fear has become too strong. It takes up too much space, preventing us from making our own choices.

That’s why so many of us live lives that don’t really suit us or excite us.

We’re not happy, even though we have everything to be happy. Because, on paper, we’ve ticked all the boxes, but we’ve done it above all for others, to be like others, for fear of rejection.

That’s why it’s essential to understand that the fear of disappointment is normal. It’s there and will always be there.

Now it’s a question of overcoming it. To make it less intense, so that it no longer prevents us from making our own choices and being happy.

2 – Fear of disappointing parents

The people we’re most afraid of disappointing are our parents. Why is that? Because that’s the way we’ve been brought up. When we didn’t behave, we were punished.

That’s why we’ve developed this wise child syndrome, out of fear of punishment.

What’s more, we know that we owe a great deal to our parents, and the idea that our parents sacrificed themselves for us doesn’t help us to dare make our own choices, especially when they’re at odds with those of our parents.

So how can we overcome the fear of disappointing our parents?

It’s all about taking back the power over our lives.

In fact, we haven’t learned to take charge of our own lives.

Worse still, we’ve been bequeathed fears along the way. For example, as far as I’m concerned, my mother was always urging me to find a permanent job to ensure stability.

For a long time, this prevented me from realizing my dream of setting up my own business.

In fact, it was only when I realized that I had complete control over my life that I was able to follow my dream, and today I’m completely happy. Because I really feel like I’m me, where I belong, doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing.

That’s why, to get over the fear of disappointing your parents, I wholeheartedly invite you to understand that you have full power over your life.

Your parents can give you advice. They can scare you.

But remember: this life is yours, not theirs. It belongs to you. It’s your gift.

3 – Fear of disappointing your life partner

Our life partner can replace our parents on a daily basis. In fact, some people just can’t manage their fears when others talk to them about their plans.

In other words, it’s possible that when you talk about one of your projects, your partner can frighten you, even make you feel guilty.

You’re afraid of disappointing him or her, and it’s eating away at you.

That’s why, to overcome this fear, I wholeheartedly invite you to understand that your partner in life isn’t talking about you, but about him.

In fact, when he tells you that you can’t do it, that it’s crazy, that it’s not serious, he’s saying: if I were you, I’d tell myself that I couldn’t do it, that it’s crazy and that it’s not serious.

So, what can you do?

It’s all about staying in control of your own life. In other words, don’t give up on your project.

On the contrary, hang on.

And take the time to reassure your partner. Maybe he’s worried about the bills, the time it’s going to take, fearing failure and that you’ll be sad…

Reassure him.

In other words, don’t blame him. Understand that he’s dealing with his own fear and that it happens to everyone. He simply needs to be reassured.

Show him it’s possible.

4 – Fear of disappointing your children

The fear of disappointing your children is quite different. In this case, it’s ourselves who are projecting fears onto our children.

This often happens when we want to change jobs: the fear of being selfish, of not being able to pay for the children’s education, of endangering the home…

So how can we overcome this fear of disappointing our children?

It’s all about realizing that our children need to see their parents happy. Really happy.

But all too often, we pretend that even though we don’t like our jobs, everything’s fine…

Children are no fools.

The fear of disappointing our children also prevents us from ending a relationship that’s not making anyone happy. The parents, but also the children.

I repeat, children are not fooled.

That’s why we need to ask ourselves one question: what do you want to pass on to your children?

That it’s okay to be unhappy at work? That it’s okay to be unhappy in a relationship?

And that life is about accepting your unhappiness, getting used to it and adapting to it?

Or do you want to pass on to your children that happiness is possible, that you have to dare to follow your heart and make your own choices?

The choice is yours.

5 – Listen to your heart

Fear of disappointment prevents us from listening to our heart. In fact, we pretend not to hear it.

Because many people say they don’t know what they like, what they’d like to do and live.

I think they all do. But they pretend they don’t. They cover their ears. Because they’re afraid to hear, to listen, to know.

Indeed, listening to your heart would mean making new choices, taking matters into your own hands and therefore risking disappointing those around you.

It seems too difficult and too dangerous.

But it’s necessary, vital even!

I say all this because I was one of those people. For many years, I pretended not to hear my heart, plugging my ears for fear of hearing it.

But then I realized that it was time for me to dare to follow my own path, and I’ve been completely happy ever since. I feel like me and I belong.

What’s more, it’s improved my relationships with those around me, because I’ve become more radiant and, above all, I’ve stopped taking personally what others tell me to live my life.

So, how do you listen to your heart?

For me, it all started with this question: “What do I want?”

I repeated this question over and over to myself in every area of my life.

That’s what I invite you to do. Every day. For as long as you need.

6 – Have courage

Other people won’t give you permission to make your own choices. It’s too rare to keep waiting.

In other words, we have to be courageous. We don’t have a choice!

We need to take a deep breath and dare!

Dare to listen to our hearts and dare to take the necessary actions to build the life we want and feel passionate about. One step at a time.

One fear at a time.

That’s why don’t expect it to be easy, it won’t be. Instead, find your courage.

So, in the first instance, practice on smaller, more trivial choices like your style of dress, a new haircut, a hobby…

Make choices that are uniquely yours and see what happens, and above all muscle your courage.

You can do it!

7 – Think about the end of your life

Sometimes, there are choices we can’t make, and the fear of disappointing becomes too strong, too powerful.

That’s why I’d like to share with you a piece of advice that is, for me, the ultimate advice.

Think about the end of your life. Imagine yourself at the end of life and ask yourself what you’d like to say about yourself and your life.

Because it’s important to realize that one of the greatest regrets of people at the end of life is that they didn’t live according to themselves, but according to others.

Yes, at the end of their lives, not having made their own choices makes these people sad.

In other words, ask yourself right now what would be the best choice to avoid this regret at the end of your life.

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover Stop living for others: 3 mistakes we all make
Discover Loss of self-confidence: 5 signs that you’re suffering and how to overcome it

I recommend this inspiring book:

Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro
This book will blow you away! It’s dystopian science fiction without too many details about the social scenario or the science. It follows three friends as they grow up in an exclusive boarding school, dealing with individuals and their emotions while coping with the world they’ve been brought into, and a life over which they have little control.
It explores themes of love, identity and fear of life’s inevitable disappointments.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself