Being authentic means being yourself in all circumstances. And yet, whether at work or at home, we tend to play the chameleon to avoid conflict. However, little by little, we lose sight of who we are… So here are 5 steps to finding yourself and being yourself.

1 – Be authentic: identify your values

Being authentic means being able to be yourself in all circumstances. In other words, it means having your own opinions and being able to express them without creating conflict in the process.

So how do you go about it?

First of all, we need to identify our values, i.e. what’s important to us.

What’s important to you? What kind of world do you want to live in? Why or why not? What vibrates within you?

In fact, being authentic means understanding that you have the right to have an opinion on things, and that your opinion is just as valid as any other.

And it’s important to cultivate your values and opinions, because they express who you are and what you want to experience in this life.

However, both at work and at home, it’s quite possible that you’ll go along with other people’s opinions, because it’s more comfortable, more convenient.

But if you’re reading this article, it’s because you feel the need to be yourself. That’s why I invite you to take some time, right now, to identify your values. To do so, answer the question: what’s important to me? What values touch me more than others? Why or why not? What would be my ideal world? What resonates with me?

Being authentic means discovering yourself.

2 – Assert yourself without justifying yourself

What prevents us from being authentic? It’s the fear of others’ gaze, the fear of judgment.

We’re afraid to be ourselves, because we’re afraid that others will reject us for it.

Yes, both at work and at home, we’re afraid of not being good enough for others. That’s why we strive to fit into the same boxes as everyone else.

So how can we be authentic despite this fear of other people’s gaze?

It’s all about understanding that your opinion, your views and your values count just as much as those of others. What’s more, you don’t need to justify yourself. In fact, if you think this thing is important to you, it is! No more, no less.

In other words, when you’re about to be authentic in a conversation, let go of your need to justify yourself. In concrete terms, learn to say what you want to say, and say it with the conviction that it’s your right.

Yes, you have the right to say what you believe in. That’s what being authentic is all about.

3 – Being authentic: asserting yourself without dominating

Just as the fear of others’ gaze prevents us from being authentic and saying what’s important to us, so the need to be right prevents us from letting go of things when conversations get heated.

The question is, how can we be authentic without creating conflict at work and at home?

So, first of all, know that saying what you think is always going to provoke a reaction. It’s only natural!

Because we don’t think in the same way, we may be offended by certain thoughts, or we may simply be curious to understand each other’s reasoning.

That’s why being authentic means accepting that others will react to what we say.

And that’s where it’s essential to understand that saying what you think is important for yourself. Yes, expressing yourself is a right.

But that’s where it ends.

You don’t have to justify yourself or prove that you’re right.

You think that, that’s your right. Now, other people think differently, and that’s their right too.

In other words, being authentic means exposing ourselves to conversations full of questions, but rather than trying to be right, we can simply try to understand each other’s reasoning.

And when that’s not possible, we can simply respect each other’s opinions.

Indeed, we often believe that to have relationships, we must always agree.

But genuine relationships between genuine people are not about getting along at all costs, liking the same things and doing things the same way. It’s not even about trying to understand each other at all costs. It’s simply respecting each other no matter what.

4 – Allowing yourself to change your mind

We often confuse being authentic with being rigid in our opinions. Yes, we reassure ourselves by saying, “I’m like that, I think like that and that’s the way it is and no other way!”

But that’s a lie, because we change. Yes, in life, everything changes, everything evolves. Even us. Especially us.

Because to be human is to have contradictions, emotions, passions, angers… In other words, we can’t fit into boxes for very long.

That’s why I wholeheartedly invite you to allow yourself to change your mind, and your tastes too.

After all, we’re here on Earth to learn, grow, evolve and experiment!

Do you think you’re here to do what you do all the time? As you can see, life always throws its little wrench into the works, and your day-to-day life gets turned upside down.

So give yourself permission to experiment with new things.

In other words, give yourself permission to surprise others. That’s what being authentic is all about.

It’s saying: “I’ve taken up running” and hearing the reaction: “What? But you’re not athletic at all”, “What? But you can’t put one foot in front of the other without falling over!

Yes, being authentic means being yourself, and being yourself evolves and changes every day!

5 – Getting back to yourself

You are capable and have the right to think for yourself. You’re capable and you have the right to make up your own mind about the things you see and the things that happen to you.

So stop wasting your time imagining what you’re supposed to think so that others will continue to like you.

What’s more, being authentic means focusing on yourself. In other words, stop looking at what’s happening to others and making up your own mind about it. It’s not your story or your life. You don’t have time for that.

Don’t let others hurt you. Be you!

Life isn’t always rosy. Sometimes we feel like we’re living in a crazy world, telling ourselves that others are stupid or selfish. We don’t understand them, and that makes us angry or sad. But that’s not why you’re here, to condemn others and let yourself be consumed by negative feelings and emotions.

That’s why, when you hear yourself thinking or saying too many “he, she, the others, them…”, come back to yourself, to the “I” and come back to what’s important to you, to what vibrates within you. Come back to what you do, to what you enjoy, to what makes you happy.

Because being authentic means no longer letting others take power over you, over your happiness and well-being.

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover How do you learn to love yourself? 20 magic phrases for loving yourself
Discover Don’t be afraid of other people’s opinions: 8 tips to free yourself

I recommend this inspiring book:

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri
Focused on an exploration of Gogol Ganguli’s identity and cultural heritage, the book delves into the complexities of authenticity in a multicultural world.
Over the course of time, we can see how the innocent child becomes a teenager, then a university student. What changes with his age is his hatred for his name, Gogol. And later, he himself decides to change his name to Nikhil, going against his family’s opinion.
Gradually, the story evolves into something we see most in today’s generation – children seeking to distance themselves from their parents, little by little…
Thank you very much for reading this article.

Take care of yourself