How can I stop conforming to other people’s expectations? How do we dare to face up to the fear of being looked at and judged? In other words, how can we dare to be ourselves without being in conflict with those around us? It’s possible. Here are 5 tips to help you return to yourself with confidence and serenity.

1 – Understand why we conform to other people’s expectations

Why do we conform to other people’s expectations? It’s because we’ve learned to do so from an early age.

Indeed, when we were good, our parents and teachers rewarded us, and when we weren’t, we were punished.

So it wasn’t long before we realized that when we did what was expected of us, it was much more pleasant.

It went even further. We came to understand that to be loved by others, we had to conform to their expectations.

What’s more, we eventually convinced ourselves that it was much more pleasant to conform to other people’s expectations – in other words, to blend in – than to step out of our comfort zone.

But eventually, our inner voice starts to make itself heard, because it’s fed up with being stifled and wants to express itself.

That’s why today you feel more and more the need to free yourself to be yourself.

So breathe, because what you’ve learned, you can unlearn!

2 – Stop conforming to expectations: allow yourself to dream your life

In fact, to stop conforming to other people’s expectations is to become aware of our inner voice that wants to express itself! It’s about recognizing our increasingly compelling need to be ourselves.

But we haven’t learned to be ourselves. Instead, we’ve learned to follow the path of others, to fit into the mold.

So, how do we become ourselves?

For that, I wholeheartedly invite you to allow yourself to dream your life.

It’s quite possible that your current life is the result of other people’s expectations. But that’s okay.

Now it’s time to dream.

So, I invite you to answer these concrete questions: “And if I lived in an ideal world, in which I had all the resources and skills possible, in which there were no limits to my desires, what would I do? Who would I do it with? With whom? Why? How would I feel? What would my job be? What would my love life be like? My family and social life? What would my passions be? My daily routine?

What kind of life would I lead?

Allow yourself to dream. Take great pleasure in this exercise. In fact, aim for your joy. Only your joy.

After all, we’re not talking about success or recognition, but joy!

What would make you happy? Really joyful.

Write down everything that comes to mind. Don’t put any limits on yourself. Yes, put no limits on your joy.

3 – Take charge of your life

To stop conforming to other people’s expectations is above all to understand that we are the actors in our own lives.

Yet we’ve learned to play second fiddle in our own lives.

In fact, when you give importance to the expectations of others, it’s the others who become the main characters in your own life.

And, if you’re reading this article right now, it’s because you don’t want to be second fiddle any more, you want to take back the power over your life.

To do this, I wholeheartedly invite you to realize that you’re here on earth, not to do things right from someone else’s point of view, but to do things in your own way and at your own pace.

In fact, you’re not here to conform, adapt or make waves, you’re here to listen and live your joy.

But it’s not easy, because we’ve really learned to believe that we mustn’t disappoint those around us. Not in the least.

That’s why I’m proposing a visualization to help you anchor this new belief in yourself: you are the actor in your life. You’re the lead and the others are just supporting characters.

Make yourself comfortable in a quiet place, then take 10 deep breaths.

Imagine you’re in a movie theater. On the screen, your life flashes before your eyes.

At first, you see yourself in the background. You see the others in the foreground. They’re restless, demanding.

Then, one step at a time, you see yourself in the foreground, the others forced into the background. They huff and puff and grumble, but you see yourself smiling, confident. How good it is to be at the forefront of your life!

4 – Stop conforming to expectations: change the way you look at relationships

Stopping conforming to other people’s expectations doesn’t mean going to war with them either.

Understand that if those around you have always been in control of your life, it’s simply because they’ve learned to do so. Their parents and teachers brought them up that way.

In other words, don’t hold this against those around you. Don’t waste your time and energy on resentment or even justification.

Because you don’t need to justify yourself when you become the actor in your own life.

In fact, it can happen quite naturally, as long as you do it with joy, confidence and serenity.

So let it be, and keep coming back to the forefront of your life, step by step.

It’s not going to be easy, because it’s quite possible that you’ll come to feel guilty.

You may hear someone say, “With all I’ve done for you, I’m disappointed in you.”

This is normal. Remember, other people are used to conforming to expectations. For them, it’s their reality.

But you have the right to want to live differently. You’re capable of it and you deserve it. So don’t burden yourself with guilt.

To do this, I invite you to repeat to yourself that your relationships with others are important, but as soon as they prevent you from being an actor in your own life, they become toxic.

That’s why give yourself permission to distance yourself physically for a while. Just long enough to become strong enough not to let other people’s expectations make you doubt yourself.

5 – Learning to love yourself

To stop conforming to other people’s expectations is to realize that love is freely given.

In fact, we don’t have to be like this or do that to be loved. If we do, then it’s not love.

What’s more, let’s be aware that love finds its source in ourselves, not in others.

In fact, we’ve been led to believe that love only comes from others, and that’s why today we’re so thirsty for love, because others spend their time taking it away from us.

But what we don’t know is that love has its source within us, and it’s inexhaustible.

In other words, you can and should love yourself. With all your heart.

That’s why you’re here. Not to make others love you, but to love you, whatever your circumstances.

In fact, it’s because you haven’t learned to love yourself that you conform to other people’s expectations.

But, today, you have a choice. If you’re reading this article, it’s time for you to take back the power over your life and love.

Instead of asking yourself: “Does he love me?” ask yourself: “Do I love myself?

Become your ally, your friend and live your life!

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover Don’t be afraid of other people’s opinions: 8 tips to free yourself
Discover How to build confidence fast: 5 powerful steps

I recommend this inspiring book:

Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi
These graphic memoirs chronicle the author’s childhood in Iran during and after the Islamic revolution. An exploration of the many challenges of resisting societal expectations and maintaining individuality in a restrictive environment.
I had my doubts, but after reading it, I became really engrossed in the book thanks to its fascinating plot and drawings.
I read it a second time years later and loved it again!
I highly recommend it!

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself