Living for oneself is something we all secretly dream about. Yes, secretly, because in reality, living for oneself is scary. Often, we’d rather please others than risk appearing selfish. But what if I told you that it’s possible to live for yourself and still have great relationships with others? Here are 7 tips.

1 – Learn to be positive and live for yourself

Because it’s our tendency to grumble and complain that prevents us from knowing how to live for ourselves.

Indeed, it’s when we blame others and life, when we become the victim of one or the other, that our life escapes us.

In other words, to live for ourselves, it’s high time we learned to be positive.

But what’s positive?

In fact, positivism is seeing the opportunity behind what’s happening to us. It’s understanding that we’re going through a difficult time right now, and that we have to make the best of it.

Positivism means recognizing that we are partly responsible for what’s happening to us, because perhaps at some point we made a mistake or took a “bad decision”. Then it’s a matter of taking responsibility for our mistake or decision.

Positivism also means learning to put things into perspective. It’s about seeing the positive in the negative. What happiness, joy or lesson is hidden in this event that doesn’t suit us at first sight?

2 – Learning to assert yourself

Because it’s our tendency to want to please everyone, our need to be loved by everyone, that prevents us from living for ourselves.

Yet we’re not here on Earth to be loved by everyone. In fact, we’re here on Earth to be ourselves and live our own lives, according to our needs, desires, dreams and decisions.

That’s why, in order to live for ourselves, it’s high time we learned to assert ourselves.

But what is assertiveness?

Being assertive is to stop feeling guilty about everything. It’s about realizing that when a relationship goes wrong, we have our share of responsibility, but so does the other person.

What’s more, it means understanding that we can’t expect our relationships to be perfect all the time. In fact, there will be times when certain people detach themselves from us, and that’s just the way it is. But there’s no need to feel guilty about it. Let’s continue to do our best and stop torturing ourselves.

Indeed, we can’t please everyone, because that would mean having to give up our values, who we are. In fact, it would mean becoming a chameleon. But that’s impossible. We are who we are, with our values, our desires and our needs, whether others like it or not.

In fact, it means understanding that there are as many ways of thinking, living and being happy as there are people on Earth.

In other words, what makes you dream doesn’t necessarily make those around you dream. It’s only natural. It’s up to you to follow your dreams.

3 – Ask for explanations to live for yourself

Living for yourself means understanding that we’re all unique, with different needs and desires.

That’s why it’s high time we learned to ask for explanations.

In fact, since childhood we’ve learned to make assumptions, to try to guess what would please each other, and we’ve consequently learned to let others guess what pleases us or what we need.

So it’s really no wonder that our relationships go so badly.

After all, we’re not in each other’s heads, and other people aren’t in our heads.

In other words, let’s learn to ask for explanations and explain ourselves. Not in the sense of justifying ourselves, but simply saying, revealing ourselves: here’s who I am, here’s what I like, what I need and what would please me.

Yes, to live for oneself is to learn to reveal oneself to others.

4 – Daring

What prevents us from living for ourselves is that we don’t dare.

Either because we give all our time to others, or because we’re afraid. Fear of appearing selfish, fear of what people will say.

Yet it’s high time we realized that happiness lies in action.

Indeed, it’s by DOING things that we feel happy.

So learn to do things as long as you enjoy them. Indeed, do something. Don’t just sit there and do nothing.

And if you don’t know what you like, that’s okay. Find out! Go out and discover.

5 – Give yourself the right to think about yourself

Give yourself the right to exist, the right to do what you like, the right to say no, to say what you think, and the right to satisfy your needs.

Indeed, let’s give ourselves the right to live, quite simply. To do this, let’s stop doing things for others, and stop doing things according to others. Let’s do what we have to do for ourselves. Why should we do this?

Because nobody else can make us happy. It’s not someone else’s responsibility, but our own. So there’s no point in accusing someone else of not making us happy. It’s the worst accusation of all, and a false one at that, because no one has to make us happy, except ourselves.

In other words, to live for ourselves is to give ourselves the right to be happy, but also to make it our responsibility.

6 – Savour our good fortune

Living for yourself also means savoring the good fortune you have.

Too often, we dwell on our sorrows and angers, and can’t let them go.

As a result, we feel trapped, not free to live for ourselves.

In other words, I wholeheartedly invite you to practice gratitude. Every single day!

Yes, every day, remember that there is good in your life and in your day.

Indeed, don’t let your sorrows and angers take over. You don’t have time for that, you have to live.

7 – Trust yourself to live for yourself

Living for yourself means learning to make your own decisions.

In other words, we stop listening to the advice of those around us, especially their fears.

In fact, it’s high time you started trusting yourself.

Stop yourself. Listen to yourself. What’s good for you? What’s important to you? What do you want to do? Why do you want to do it?

To do this, schedule regular times each week for yourself. Dive into yourself. Listen to yourself and trust yourself.

And learn to surround yourself with people who encourage you to trust yourself. Find inspirational role models. Get support from a trainer or coach.

I’ll be happy to accompany you on your journey.

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover How to be self-confident? 6 easy-to-practice exercises
Discover Do you have to be selfish to be happy?

I recommend this inspiring book:

The Wisdom of No Escape by Pema Chödrön

The book explores how to embrace uncertainty and live in the moment for a guilt-free, joyful existence.
I have loved her writing and this book is extraordinary! She’s so down-to-earth and realistic. She inspires me to let go of my frenetic, problem-solving way of thinking that I so easily get myself into… and to just come back to the present moment, letting everything be present.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself