How to regain self-confidence? We can’t be happy without self-confidence, because it’s what drives us forward, what allows us to dare. The good news is that self-confidence can be learned. In fact, if we lack self-confidence, it’s up to us to build it up. I’m sharing with you 4 simple yet powerful exercises.

1 – Regain your self-confidence: write your script

This exercise consists in writing our script, because we start from the principle that self-confidence means knowing what to do and… doing it!

So, when we lack self-confidence, it means we don’t know what we have to do.

What if we decided what we had to do? We could imagine a situation that stresses us and decide how we’re going to behave, in advance. For example, we could imagine:

the first 5 minutes of a job interview or a date
how we’re going to say hello: shake hands, kiss…
the answer to a stressful question: introduce yourself in a few words? what do you do for a living? what did you think of the latest film by …? Do you like tennis? What do you think of what’s-his-name? What are your projects?
Once we’ve “written our script”, in other words, once we’ve decided what we’re going to do, we train. We practice until it becomes natural and fluid.

For example, we can rehearse our presentation in front of our mirror or visualize the scene in our head, over and over again. Better still, we can practice with a trusted friend, who will correct us if necessary.

What do you think of this exercise? For me, it’s the exercise that works best. It’s very powerful.

2 – Keep a gratitude journal

What is a gratitude journal? It involves taking a few minutes each day to write down 3 things for which you feel grateful to life and/or yourself.

“Thank you for this… :

good family lunch
beautiful starry sky
beautiful day at the water’s edge
waking up next to my partner
laughter with friends
What’s more, our gratitude journal is also a good way of congratulating ourselves! Patting ourselves on the back improves our self-confidence.

“I congratulate myself for having… :

smiled more than usual
held back a grumble
chosen not to get angry with my colleague
preferred not to criticize a member of my family
took the time to treat myself
listened to my friend in need
In fact, keeping a gratitude journal is a way of improving our confidence in life and in ourselves.

Every day, we take the best and relive it a second time. Every day, we find ourselves with a big smile as we close our journal and say to ourselves, “Yes, my life is worth living and I want to relive these kinds of moments again and again.”

3 – Regain self-confidence: question your certainties

This is one of the first self-confidence exercises I learned.

The relevance of this exercise jumped out at me. Knowing how to question our certainties allows us to stop thinking negatively about ourselves.

In fact, one of our worst enemies when it comes to self-confidence is ourselves. Yes, it’s that little accusing voice we all have inside us, polluting us with its remarks.

Our aim with this exercise is to silence it. It’s to show her how much she exaggerates and how completely disconnected she is from who we really are.

How does it work in practice?

Little voice: I’m so bad! I knew it, I’m too bad. I’ll never make it!
Us: Wait! I’m too bad? All the time?
Little voice: Well, not all the time.
Us: Oh, so I suck at everything I do?
The little voice: Well no, not in everything you do.
We: Then I’m too bad, right now, at what I’ve just done. Right! Well, I can certainly improve!
Learning not to generalize or exaggerate what happens to us and what we think of ourselves is essential for greater self-confidence.

That’s why I invite you to get into the habit of asking yourself these 2 questions when you notice that you’re criticizing yourself harshly:

Is it really like this all the time?
Is it really in everything I do?

4 – Deceive others to believe in yourself

How do you regain your self-confidence? By giving yourself the right to disappoint others!

Giving yourself the right to disappoint others means being yourself. It means doing what you want to do because you’re convinced it’s right for you.

In fact, giving yourself the right to disappoint others goes further than regaining your self-confidence: it means giving yourself the right to be happy!

This notion ties in with another one that I also really like: namely, our tendency to overestimate the attention people pay to our actions, our style of dress, our tastes… I wouldn’t go so far as to say that people don’t give a damn about what we do, but most of them do!

And why don’t most people care what we do? Because people are far too busy thinking about themselves and what we think of them.

So let’s stop wasting time thinking about what other people think. Let’s be ourselves, make our choices for our own happiness, without worrying about others.

What’s more, I don’t think we can make other people happy. We can only do one thing: make ourselves happy. And, as long as we don’t take the risk of disappointing others, it’s impossible. So let’s dare! What do you think?

So, what’s your favorite exercise? I really love them all. They all love me differently, but they help me enormously. I do have a preference for the last one, which has totally changed my relationships, as well as helping me to regain my self-confidence.

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover I don’t like myself: 5 mistakes to never make again
Discover I lack self-confidence: 10 tips to help you overcome it

I recommend this inspiring book:

The Confidence Game: Why We Fall for It . . . Every Time by Maria Konnikova
This book will help you understand the psychology of confidence to navigate social situations and build your own confidence.
An interesting read about scammers, their profiles and the profiles of their victims. The book is well researched and contains many examples. The author also gives examples of things that we might not even think of as scams, but are actually trademarks (e.g. religious cults). There is a lot of interesting information about how we are most vulnerable, and amazing examples of people who fall for it without even realizing they have been scammed, and who continue to trust the scammer even though they should be able to tell it is a scam. The book also includes tips on how to avoid being scammed. It really made me think about certain situations in a different way because it’s not always easy to recognize when someone is scamming you, and just being aware of it helps you avoid falling into the trap or at least know how to get out of it once you’ve fallen for the artist of trust. The psychology of thinking you are safe (while easily recognizing that others are in on the scam) shows the scam from different perspectives and how the most incredible tricks can work; you also understand very well how many of these people have conned droves of victims or kept the victims on the hook and continued to support the criminal because they were ashamed to admit they were conned. I really enjoyed this book. It is easy to read and kept my interest throughout the read.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself