How can we change? Every year, we make good resolutions. We want to change things in our lives, but also in ourselves. So we make lots of plans, set up good habits… but, unfortunately, nothing changes. Why is that? I’m sharing with you the 4 most common mistakes we make that prevent us from changing.

1 – Successful change: the mistake of believing you don’t have time

Our lives are already packed with work, family, friends and home, so in practical terms, we don’t have time to read or exercise. We don’t have time to do things for ourselves, that’s our belief!

And yet, time has to be taken. You can’t find it, you have to TAKE it. So, having time for yourself is first a question of decision and then of organization.

Time is the most precious thing we have. Time is a gift from heaven, and we are all equal when it comes to it. We all have 24 hours every day!

In fact, to succeed in changing is to understand that time is an asset and to decide to use it differently: to do the things that are really important to us.

What’s more, another mistake we all too often make is believing that we need a lot of time to do something. This is completely false!

In fact, we waste too much time doing several things at once. The secret to having more time for yourself is to do just one thing at a time. Try it for a week and you’ll see.

2 – The error of believing that life chooses for us

We sometimes tend to say: If I do what I do, it’s because I had to do it.

I don’t agree with that. We do what we do because at some point in our lives it was the right thing to do, but things change. Maybe today, what we’re doing doesn’t suit us anymore and it’s no longer the best thing we can do.

Let’s give ourselves permission to change!

We don’t have to drop everything and leave everything behind. We can start with what we’ve got and take a step towards something else every day, gently and serenely.

Take work, for example. We may have come out of school with a dream job, but we soon had to pay the bills and found a “food job”. The result: 5 or 10 years later, we’re still there. No need to panic!

First of all, we need to understand that life won’t make it easy for us if we don’t give it the “push”. We need to take small steps towards our dream for life to help us. Indeed, it’s not our lamentations that will help us, but rather concrete things like research, conversations, small actions…

Then, let’s not hurt ourselves and keep doing what we’re doing, while working on our project. As I was saying, we don’t need to fight, it can be done gently, step by step.

3 – Successfully changing: the mistake of believing that others will love you less if you change

You don’t know how many friends and even family members have gently laughed at me when I’ve told them I want to be happier and therefore complain less.

What, you want to grumble less? That’s impossible! You’re the queen of complaining.

That’s the kind of encouragement you’ll face when you announce that you want to change things in yourself and in your life.

Is it serious? No, not at all!

Most people think you can’t change, even among your friends and family. So it’s normal that they don’t take you very seriously. So we’re invited not to take their mockery personally. They speak as much for us as for themselves.

Let’s do what we have to do for ourselves and not for others. We can’t please everyone anyway. So let’s give it our best shot and love ourselves for it.

That’s exactly what I’m telling myself as I write this article. I know it won’t please everyone. But I’m doing it because it gives me great joy and nourishes me.

4 – Believing that change is immediate and effortless prevents us from changing.

This mistake is mainly aimed at perfectionists (of which I’m one…). Yes, yes, you’re one of them if you think that everything you do should follow a nice, smooth, linear line, if you think it’s all black and white and that there’s no in-between between failure and success.

Life is full of nuance, and above all, it takes its time.

Deciding to change is the first and probably the most important step. However, there’s a long time between the decision and the feeling that we’ve reached our goal. And that’s perfectly normal.

Changing things in ourselves and in our lives will take time and effort. We’ll make progress, then regress, tread water and then progress again. That’s how learning works.

Our only problem is our refusal to make it a reality. We mistakenly think that our learning should be an arrow that goes up and up and up, that it should be straight. The reality is that this arrow will climb, then sink, we’ll get lost in dead ends, have to make U-turns. But one thing’s for sure, we’ll only get there if we live in tune with reality: we need time and effort to change.

How can I change?

Now that we’ve seen the mistakes we need to guard against, how do we change?

Change is possible for me. I changed and my life changed. For a year, I read, studied and practiced happiness. It took time and effort, but I succeeded.

First of all, change is :

A decision. You decide to change to live a more exciting life in which you feel good. We decide we want to be happy.
A learning process. We learn to change. That’s why it’s important to surround yourself with inspiring people and relevant advice.
The best thing you can do for yourself! Nobody else can do it for you. Make your life worth living!

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover How to live well? Top 7 tips for living happily and Zen-like
Discover Coping with change: 6 tips to help you feel more Zen

I recommend this inspiring book:

Change or Die: The Three Keys to Change at Work and in Life by Alan Deutschman

Alan Deutschman’s book explores the critical factors for successful change. He emphasizes the importance of beliefs, relationships and environments in the transformation process. By examining concrete and compelling examples, the book illustrates how individuals and organizations can overcome resistance to change. It provides a roadmap for achieving sustainable change by fostering a shift in mindset and creating supportive environments. “Change or Die” is a practical guide for anyone seeking to understand and navigate the complexities of successful and sustainable personal or professional change.

An amazing book about why people resist change and the real keys to producing real change. Well researched and well written. An excellent book!

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself