How to be happy in life? How can you take your happiness into your own hands? Where do you start and how do you go about it? These are essential questions to which we don’t always have the answers. That’s why I’m offering you my 10 “keys” to happiness that I’ve applied myself, and continue to apply day after day, to be happy in life.

1 – Knowing when to stop to see things more clearly

In the age of personal development, which invites us to do a whole host of things, we tend to believe that happiness can be found in a whole host of new activities.

So we take up painting, walking, yoga, meditation… and then, after a while, we realize that deep down, the same sadnesses, angers and doubts are still there.

Why do we do this? Because happiness isn’t about keeping busy. Happiness is above all knowing how to stop and see things more clearly.

Indeed, there’s no point in doing yoga if, deep down, there’s that emotion, that feeling, that we don’t talk about.

What’s deep inside you? What’s weighing you down? Stop and listen.

Once you’ve listened sympathetically, even lovingly, you can then soothe yourself with activities that make you feel good. But only after you’ve listened to yourself.

2 – Getting to know yourself is one of the keys to happiness

In today’s increasingly uniform world, we’re tempted to copy each other. Because other people look happy that way, or because we want to be loved by them. And so, we become their carbon copies.

But happiness isn’t about being like other people. Real happiness is about becoming yourself.

With its qualities and faults, its joys and sorrows, its talents and weaknesses.

With your own tastes and opinions that are unlike anyone else’s.

Because happiness is understanding that we’re here to become ourselves. So, instead of spending your days taking an interest in what others are doing, take a little more interest in yourself. Get to know yourself.

3 – Prefer benevolence to criticism to be happy in life

We’ve grown up with criticism. Because we live in a world where adults believe that children learn through criticism, and sometimes punishment too.

So, from an early age, we’ve heard criticism after criticism. And now that we’re adults, we don’t know what to think and express ourselves with criticism.

We criticize others in turn, but above all we criticize ourselves.

In fact, have you ever noticed how you feel you’re never good enough and never do enough?

So, if you want to be happy in life, it’s time to replace your criticism with kindness. In other words, stop putting yourself down all the time and be kind.

In fact, one of the keys to happiness is knowing how to respect yourself, and therefore knowing how to talk to yourself as you would talk to a friend.

4 – Prefer curiosity to judgment

Far too many of us believe and convince ourselves that we’re not up to it, not capable of doing this or that.

What if we were to become a little more curious about ourselves and our abilities? What if instead of saying “I don’t know how to do it, so I’ll give up”, we said “what if I learned how to do it”? Can you see the difference? Can you see how this could change your life and help you to be happier?

5 – Loving instead of hardening is one of the great keys to happiness

We don’t realize it, but we live in a world that exhorts us to distrust one another. We’re constantly told that others are dangerous, and we’re constantly told about narcissistic perverts and toxic people.

We’re also told that if we’re so unhappy, it’s because of those around us.

But we forget to mention one essential thing: it’s not by hardening ourselves that we protect ourselves. Quite the contrary, in fact.

In fact, the more you harden yourself, the more you distance yourself from others and from yourself. And so you’re going to suffer a little more every day.

To be happy, to cultivate happiness, we need to understand this truth: your heart isn’t made to be protected at all costs, it’s made to love.

In fact, by wanting to protect ourselves from bad people, we close ourselves off from good people.

6 – Put a good dose of gentleness and love into everything

Happiness often eludes us, because we’re too stressed, too impatient too. We hurry. But to where?

In fact, to be happy in life, we need to ask ourselves this question: What’s the point of rushing somewhere stressed and frustrated?

Why not just stay there and feel the love and gentleness?

In this world, we’re led to believe that we should be everywhere but where we are. And we believe it…

So, I invite you to try something. Tomorrow, have fun being fully where you are and doing the things you need to do with gentleness and even love.

You’ll see that that’s where your happiness lies.

Because happiness isn’t a destination you have to reach. Happiness has its source in you, it’s already in you, so it’s up to you to spread it wherever you find yourself. What do you think?

7 – Not having too many expectations while still having a goal is one of the keys to happiness.

This is one of life’s great difficulties, and it’s where we need to find a balance at every moment.

Because we both need a purpose in life. Indeed, having the feeling of moving forward, growing and evolving makes us happy.

But we also need to be careful not to have too many expectations, otherwise we’ll be disappointed.

So, first of all, make sure you set a goal that you like, that makes you happy, that brings you more joy.

Then, take care to move forward step by step towards your goal, day by day, without making your sense of happiness dependent on the results you achieve.

For this, there’s a quote I’m particularly fond of: “Don’t judge the day by the evening harvest, but by the seeds you’ve sown.”

8 – Learning to welcome rather than control is one of the keys to happiness.

Why are we so stressed, anxious and even distressed? It’s because we want to control everything.

In fact, we’ve learned that we can and must control everything.

What if we’d been taught that living isn’t about controlling everything, that it’s above all about welcoming what happens? Then we would have learned one of the greatest keys to happiness.

Because things don’t have to be the way we want them to be. Things are what they are. No more, no less.

That’s why it’s time to learn to welcome things, the joys as well as the sorrows, the good news as well as the bad surprises, even the difficult moments.

9 – Rely on good habits to cultivate happiness on a daily basis

Happiness is first and foremost a posture to cultivate, but it also relies on good daily habits.

Because some days are harder than others, it’s essential to have habits that make us feel good, that nourish our well-being.

So, identify two or three habits you could put in place to maintain your happiness on a daily basis.

What makes you feel good, puts a smile on your face and makes you lose track of time?

Then do those things a little bit every day. But don’t do these things just any old way. Remember to be gentle and loving.

10 – Staying calm is one of the great keys to happiness

Life isn’t easy. That’s just the way it is. Even when we’re happy, it’s not easy.

The problem is that we’ve learned to grumble, to shout, to despair too. But do you feel it makes you feel better? Maybe at the time, but still…

In fact, the best attitude to have in life is to know how to remain calm in all circumstances.

Staying calm doesn’t mean pretending that everything’s fine or resigning yourself to the fact that everything’s going to hell. Staying calm means keeping a clear head so you can find the best solutions.

In other words, it means not letting our emotions and negative thoughts lead us to make bad decisions that we’ll regret later.

So learn to stay calm. Take a breath. And instead of clinging to what should have happened, welcome what does happen and be determined to make the best of it. What do you think?

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover How to work on yourself: the 8 best habits for self-improvement
Discover How to get rid of bad habits

I recommend this inspiring book:

The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want by Sonja Lyubomirsky

Positive psychology researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky presents evidence-based strategies for increasing happiness and well-being. The book offers a practical overview of the science of happiness, providing us with actionable steps and habits to cultivate a happier, more fulfilling life. Combining research findings with practical advice, Lyubomirsky guides us on a journey to understand and enhance our own happiness.

The author writes in a friendly manner, but without exuberance. Nor does the book promise to turn your life upside down and provide an answer to all your personal problems. I found this very pleasant. It’s one of those books you like to have in your cupboard and pick up from time to time to reflect, and it doesn’t pretend to be anything more than that.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself