I’m a psychiatrist and I read and hear a lot about happiness. And, sometimes, the wrong things. That’s why I’d like to answer the question: what does it mean to be happy? Here are 5 misconceptions about happiness.

1 – Being happy means never being sad

Wrong! Completely false.

Yes, I’m reacting strongly (laughs), because as a psychiatrist, people around me sometimes tell me this thing that makes me jump:

“It’s strange that you’re sad, isn’t happiness your profession?”

And?

Happiness isn’t about being happy all the time.

Simply because sadness is natural and healthy. In fact, it’s necessary, because it helps us to live better.

In fact, just because we’re happy doesn’t mean we don’t experience life’s trials and tribulations.

And we need sadness to grieve and get through our lacks.

So being happy sometimes means being sad.

I’m regularly sad, and yet I’m happy.

In fact, sadness is not the antithesis of happiness.

2 – Being happy means having a perfect life

In fact, we’ve learned to put conditions on our happiness. In other words, we’re used to saying: “I’ll be happy when…”.

When I had a car, a lover, children, another job…

The list is long, very long.

In the end, looking back, we can see that we were thrown into adult life with the idea that happiness was a To-Do List to be ticked off: having a job, a house, getting married, having children…

That’s why we’re not happy, because we’re waiting to have the perfect life.

But being happy isn’t about having the perfect life.

Yes, you can be happy without a job, without a lover, without children…

So, of course we have needs. We need money for food and shelter. We need quality human contact.

But once our needs are met, happiness is within our reach.

So don’t fall into this misconception about happiness.

You can be happy here and now, even if you don’t have everything you want.

In fact, it can be learned. Happiness is learned. It can’t be ticked off, and it’s not perfect.

3 – Being happy means having no problems

In fact, we believe that a happy life is one without obstacles or trials. It’s a life with a peaceful past and an equally peaceful present.

That’s why so many people who have lived or are living through difficult times deny themselves happiness.

Yes, they do.

How can you be happy when you’ve got problems? Wouldn’t that be crazy?

And yet, it’s possible.

Of course, during difficult times, happiness is more discreet, but it’s there, within our reach, all the time.

Happiness is not perfection. Not at all.

Fortunately, because otherwise nobody could be happy. In fact, everyone has gone through difficult times, and will go through them again.

That’s the way life wants it. It teaches us and sends us trials. It happens to everyone, every day.

That’s why you shouldn’t wait until you no longer have problems to be happy. Learn to be happy, right now, with what you have and where you are.

4 – To be happy is to be calm and serene all the time

Here we’re going to talk about one of the pitfalls of personal development, which leads us to harbor a misconception about happiness.

Being happy doesn’t mean we’re always accepting and letting go.

In fact, being happy sometimes means feeling anger and fear.

It means resisting change, holding on to things.

It happens to everyone.

Because being happy doesn’t mean you can’t suffer.

The only difference is that we’re quicker to realize what we’re doing, and we’re quicker to let go and work on acceptance.

In fact, don’t think that being happy will make you perfectly calm in the face of life’s trials.

It won’t.

You’ll just get calmer and calmer.

The Dalai Lama himself said it took him 40 years to cultivate his inner calm.

So when you lose your calm, forgive yourself. You’re on your way, you’re learning.

In other words, don’t question your happiness. Just learn. Become stronger, more humble too.

5 – To be happy is to be a perfect person

It’s also one of the pitfalls of personal development that leads us to have this misconception about happiness.

To be happy is to be a perfect person.

It’s not.

First of all, because it’s not possible. What’s more, it’s the best way to ask more and more of yourself and be unhappy with your life.

In fact, being happy means making a commitment to become a better person. One day at a time.

It means observing ourselves with honesty, but also with kindness, because we’re not here to punish and criticize ourselves.

We’re here to love and respect ourselves.

Then, when we observe things we don’t like, things we’re sometimes ashamed of, we accept them, forgive ourselves and learn from them.

Because being happy means realizing that we’re here to learn, grow and evolve.

It’s also about realizing that life will continue to send us trials and tribulations, no matter how happy we are. Because life knows our mission, which is to learn, grow and evolve.

And, very often, it’s through trials that we learn the most.

But we shouldn’t wait for trials to come. In fact, happiness is learned every day.

So, what is happiness?

I’ve learned to be happy. It’s a decision I made the day I realized that I had everything to be happy in my life, but that I wasn’t.

In fact, I had just realized that it wasn’t by ticking the “happiness boxes”: having a job, a house, getting married, having children… that would make me truly happy in my life.

So, yes, I learned to be happy.

And I’ve learned that being happy depends on daily habits. Habits that give you self-confidence and help you manage your emotions and stress. Habits for setting the right goals and motivating yourself. And, habits for having good relationships with others.

This learning process has changed everything in me and my life so much that I’ve made it my profession.

Because you too can learn to be truly happy in life, and I can help you.

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover I’m unhappy: 6 mistakes we all make and how to free ourselves from them
Discover Challenge yourself: 6 tips to stop getting stuck in the same old problems

I recommend this inspiring book:

The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking by Oliver Burkeman

In The Antidote, Oliver Burkeman challenges conventional wisdom about happiness, particularly the relentless pursuit of positivity. The book explores alternative perspectives and philosophies that see uncertainty, setbacks and acceptance of life’s inherent difficulties as pathways to a more meaningful and lasting sense of satisfaction. Burkeman encourages us to reconsider conventional wisdom about happiness, offering a challenging and counter-intuitive approach that fosters resilience and a deeper understanding of what it really means to be happy.

Mr. Burkeman writes more like a novelist, it’s easy to read, and it’s the kind of book you’ll want to reread or dive into. I’m happy to add it to my book collection.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself