What is happiness? What is the definition of happiness? It’s customary to say that happiness is unique to each person, but when you’re feeling completely lost and not really happy, this answer doesn’t help you at all. That’s why I’m sharing 10 tips to help you discover your own definition of happiness.

1 – Find your own definition of happiness: don’t try to please

We grew up learning to do what we had to do to please our parents and teachers, or risk being punished.

That’s why, as adults, we find it hard to take our eyes off the people around us and try to please them at all costs.

Unfortunately, this is not the way to find happiness. But why? Because we can’t please everyone. We’re not chameleons.

In other words, what pleases my father doesn’t necessarily please my colleague, and maybe not my childhood friend either. Which is why there’s a lot to be said for being crazy and unhappy…

Finding your own definition of happiness means stopping trying to please others. But that doesn’t mean not liking or respecting them – that’s beside the point.

In fact, you can love yourself without loving others. And you can be happy without pleasing everyone.

So how can you find happiness without trying to please? Simply by replacing the other person’s gaze with our heart.

And, to do this, rather than asking ourselves what so-and-so will think of this, we should instead ask ourselves: “do I like it?”

Yes, to be happy, we must first and foremost please ourselves.

2 – Differentiate between THE dream life and YOUR dream life

We’ve all been brought up on the same shows and movies where the princess and the prince get married and have lots of kids.

If we’re not careful, we quickly start dreaming about what we see in the movies and TV shows: a perfect body, a partner with a perfect body, a big house, a big car, a dog, a cat, children, a perfect job and a big bank account.

For the more dreamy, we turn the house into a palace by the sea, with yacht and staff at our disposal.

Is this the definition of happiness? Yes, that’s what we’re led to believe every night on television.

But what about you? What’s your definition of happiness?

I invite you to take the time to honestly ask yourself this question: “If I lived in an ideal world, what would I do? Where would I be? Who would I be with? How would I live?”

Discover your own definition of happiness.

3 – Finding your own definition of happiness: daring to be happy

Finding your own definition of happiness will require you to dare. Dare to ask yourself the right questions, dare to answer them, and above all dare to experiment with things.

Because how do you know if you like doing something if you’ve never done it?

That’s why, to find your own definition of happiness, you have to dare. Dare to do things you’ve never done before.

It’s not about taking big leaps out of your comfort zone, every day.

It’s simply a matter of opening yourself up to new things, to life’s surprises, from time to time.

You know, life’s going to ask you to dare. So do what you’re here to do, dare.

4 – Seeing through jealousy

To discover what makes us happy, and therefore part of our definition of happiness, we can turn to our jealousy.

Indeed, jealousy is a useful emotion, as it highlights what we too would like to experience.

So we mustn’t cling to our jealousy, because jealousy is an emotion that makes us tired and, in the long run, can make us sad or even bitter.

It’s simply a question of remaining curious when we recognize jealousy in ourselves.

It’s like: “Oh, I feel jealousy. Why do I feel it? What makes me jealous? What do I want to experience myself? How do I go about it?”

Nothing more, nothing less.

Finding your own definition of happiness means discovering your own tastes and desires. So go and discover, thanks to jealousy.

5 – Finding your own definition of happiness: don’t be ashamed of simplicity

We might think that a life of happiness is a life filled with great and beautiful things.

But what about your own happiness?

In fact, from watching too many films and TV series, too much Instagram and “perfect” profiles, we think that happiness lies in things that are unattainable for us.

But what if this isn’t true?

What in your daily life makes you happy? Perhaps you’ve forgotten? Or maybe even a little ashamed? Is it too simple, too banal?

And yet… Happiness is in the simple things. True enough. But you have to know how to enjoy these simple things, and not be ashamed of them.

That’s why I wholeheartedly invite you to delve into your daily life, into the simple things, to find your own definition of happiness.

6 – Taking time for yourself

Our gaze is too often focused on others: what are they doing? What are they thinking?

And little by little, without realizing it, we stop paying attention to ourselves: what am I doing? What am I thinking?

We no longer know. We don’t know our tastes, our dreams.

In the end, we’re more concerned with what makes others happy than with what makes us happy. What if we stopped? What if we woke up?

Finding your own definition of happiness will require you to take time for yourself, to take an interest in yourself, to discover yourself, to deepen your tastes, to connect with your dreams.

Because you won’t find happiness by looking at others, but by looking at yourself.

7 – Find your own definition of happiness: don’t listen to other people’s advice

So, you’re reading me and I’m advising you, in other words, my advice is unwelcome?

I’m talking about those people close to you who always have things to say to you about yourself: “Oh, you never liked this. You’re more like this…”.

In fact, you can be anything you want to be, at any time in your life. You can be one or the other, or both. It’s up to you!

So stop believing your loved ones when they tell you they know you well. Do they know you better than you know yourself? If the answer is yes, it’s really time to apply the previous advice and take some time for yourself.

Your loved ones love you and want what’s best for you, but they’re not in your body or in your heart. They don’t really know what makes your heart beat with joy right now.

So trust yourself! Listen only to yourself when it comes to finding your definition of happiness.

8 – Embracing boredom

There are always periods of boredom in our lives, and this isn’t a bad thing – quite the contrary.

Boredom comes knocking at our door to remind us of two things. The first is that perhaps we’ve forgotten to savor the things that make us happy, that perhaps we’ve lost sight of how lucky we are day after day, and that it’s time to reconnect with the present moment.

The second thing is that, perhaps, it’s time to reinvent ourselves, to take stock, to find out what we like and don’t like any more, and to set out to discover new desires, new tastes.

The world changes every day, and so do we.

Indeed, you change a little every day. Your body and also your heart. It loves differently, differently. Take care to follow it.

Finding your own definition of happiness means welcoming boredom as a friend who reminds us that happiness needs our attention.

9 – Reinvent yourself and your everyday life

You’d think that once you’ve found your definition of happiness, it’s all over, that you’ve arrived.

But that’s not the case.

In fact, your definition will change and evolve.

Unfortunately, we tend to cling to what we know, or worse, we’re afraid of what others might say about our changing tastes and dreams. Yes, we could be considered unstable…

Let’s not be afraid to change! Let’s not be afraid to surprise and even shock.

This life is full of surprises, and so are you.

So it’s high time you gave yourself the right to reinvent yourself and your everyday life.

This life belongs to you. You’re free to do what you want with it at any time.

Finding your own definition of happiness means recognizing the wind of change and letting it blow you along with curiosity.

10 – Finding your own definition of happiness: never stop looking

Sometimes we’re tempted to say “I’m here, I’m staying”. Often, it’s because we’ve fought so hard to get where we are.

In fact, we’re afraid of tumbling out of the tree if we reach for another branch. So we hold on tight and close our eyes so we don’t see all those branches waving at us.

Finding your definition of happiness is not a destination.

Indeed, there is no finish line. It’s a journey.

So never stop looking, never stop questioning. Don’t think you’ve arrived. You’re on the way.

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover Why aren’t we happy in life? 7 things to stop
Discover How to savor the present moment and be happy: 8 great tips

I recommend this inspiring book:

The Wisdom of Insecurity by Alan Watts

In The Wisdom of Insecurity, Alan Watts challenges the conventional pursuit of security as a means to happiness. Watts explores the idea that true happiness lies in accepting the uncertainty and impermanence of life, rather than in seeking constant stability. He argues that the search for security often leads to anxiety and dissatisfaction, and that finding peace in the present moment is the key to a fulfilling life. This book encourages us to redefine our relationship with uncertainty, offering profound insights into the nature of happiness and the importance of living fully in the present moment.

What fascinated me most was how his thoughts from the 1950s are still valid today, in a seemingly completely different society.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself