How can we be happier? What if the question was: how can we avoid making ourselves unhappy? We’re not always aware of it, but we make mistakes on a daily basis that prevent us from being happy. What are these mistakes? I’ll tell you 15 of them in this article!

1 – Be happier: stop focusing on the negative

One of the most common mistakes that prevents us from being happy is focusing on the negative.

In fact, our brains are wired to retain the negative more easily than the positive. What’s more, we’ve learned to talk about what’s wrong rather than what’s right.

Unfortunately, this tendency to focus on the negative makes us increasingly unhappy.

So, to be happier, it’s essential to start by listening to ourselves: is what we’re thinking or saying positive or not?

If it’s positive, we enjoy it.

If it’s negative, stop and move on.

What’s more, we’re going to invite the positive in by putting in place a new habit: the practice of gratitude.

Every day, let’s take 5 minutes to list all the things that make us happy and feel lucky to be alive.

The more positive we are, the happier we are, and that’s up to us.

2 – Lack of self-confidence

Being happy means doing things that make us happy. Happiness isn’t just about being, it’s also about doing.

You have to DO things to be happy.

Unfortunately, when we lack self-confidence, we tend to retreat into our comfort zone. And the problem is, if we feel the need to be happier, it’s because our comfort zone is sorely lacking in activities that make us happy.

So, to be happier, it’s essential to build up our self-confidence by daring to do new things, little by little, one step at a time.

Ask your heart and trust it: what do I like to do? What have I been curious about lately?

Then take the plunge. Start small, then work your way up.

Remember: it’s not our self-confidence that allows us to dare, it’s daring that gives us self-confidence.

3 – Be happier: stop dreaming

How can you be happier? By allowing yourself to dream like a child.

Unfortunately, we’ve all heard the phrase: “Don’t dream. Life is serious.

Even at school, when we had to think about our future profession, we weren’t asked to dream, but to be realistic.

Being realistic about your life is the surest way to be unhappy.

Life is magical, not realistic.

Do you think we’d have the ability to dream if all we had to do on Earth was be realistic?

You’re here to incarnate, to do what you dream, so dream!

In an ideal world, what would you do?

4 – Give up at the slightest failure

“It’s not for me” is a phrase we all say, and it condemns us to not knowing what makes us truly happy.

After all, who says that happiness lies in easy things?

Of course, happiness is to be found in the simple joys of everyday life, but also in the greatest achievements.

We need to surpass ourselves to be fully happy. Not necessarily in the professional sphere, and not necessarily to achieve success and recognition.

Being happier means following our dreams, trying things and, of course, failing. Failure is just one stage in the learning process. And what is life if not learning and never stopping?

Remember, to be fully happy, never stop learning and never let failure stop you. Bounce back, it’s much more fun (laughs).

5 – Be happier: stop cultivating toxic relationships

We have a choice about our relationships. Yes, we always have a choice! Even if we’re led to believe otherwise, and we make ourselves miserable by being around people who stress us out, make us feel guilty and, worse still, mistreat us.

You have a choice. You have the right.

In fact, you’re free.

It won’t be easy to cut ties with certain people who make you unhappy, but then again, who said happiness was comfortable?

In fact, your happiness will require you to do things that are not easy, especially when the time comes for you to sort out your relationships.

Breathe and do what your heart needs to be happy.

6 – Not taking time for yourself

How can we be happier? By knowing yourself.

What makes you happy? What activities, what moments, what are your tastes in food, literature, film…?

And then, who are you? What are your qualities, your faults, your strengths, your greatest successes, your greatest failures, the lessons you’ve learned?

And, finally, what are your dreams, projects and goals?

Indeed, how can we feel happy if we don’t know what makes our heart beat with joy, without knowing our personality and what we’re made of?

To do this, we need to spend some time with ourselves, if only to find out how we’re doing.

When was the last time you asked yourself the question: “How am I doing?”

Don’t get lost along the way.

7 – Going too fast

Have you ever noticed how our days are a continuation of each other, how the years follow each other and get lost in the goals we’re chasing?

As soon as one activity ends, we start another. Over and over again. And when do we savor this life?

Going too fast is one of the surest ways to be unhappy, because we don’t see the beauty of life, we just speed through it.

To be happier, remember to slow down, to live each day as a gift. Today is not a continuation of yesterday, and tomorrow is not an extension of tomorrow.

Today is today. It’s your only opportunity to be alive, vibrant and happy.

8 – Be happier: stop dwelling on the past

Does your past make you suffer? Do you have regrets and guilt that keep coming back?

You don’t have time for that.

The past is over, you can’t go back on it, you can only learn from it to be happier today.

When your thoughts take you back to the past, let them go. Let them go, don’t hold on to them.

It’s normal to think about yesterday and have regrets. It happens to everyone. But it’s not normal to be unhappy about something you can’t do anything about.

So let go!

9 – Worrying about tomorrow

Worried about tomorrow? It’s normal. We all do.

We don’t know what tomorrow will bring, and no matter how much we do today to make sure everything goes well tomorrow, we can’t control everything.

So, here again, to be happier, it’s all about letting go.

Do the best you can and let go. No more, no less.

When your thoughts get anxious about tomorrow, breathe and move on. Do something else until it passes.

Remember that hope leads further than fear.

Your fears serve no purpose except to make you unhappy today. So replace your fears with hope and curiosity, it’s better for happiness. (laughter)

10 – Letting your emotions control you

Our emotions are all natural and useful, including anger, fear and sadness.

The problem is not our emotions, but the way we react to them.

Indeed, anger doesn’t invite us to start screaming violently, but to set our limits.

Fear doesn’t invite us to run away, but to give it our best shot. And sadness doesn’t invite us to turn in on ourselves, but to reorganize.

But that’s not what happens on a daily basis, because our emotions make us unhappy.

We get caught up in our emotions, when we should simply let them flow through us.

In other words, to be happier, it’s essential to recognize our anger, but not to give in to it, i.e. to react calmly.

Learn not to hold back your emotions – you’re angry, you’re scared, it’ll pass. Just let it go.

11 – Be happier: stop waiting for things to happen

We all have dreams and desires. We can all complete this sentence: “I would like to”.

But, unfortunately, many of us do nothing to make it happen. In fact, we can’t complete the sentence: “I’d like to… so, today, I’m going to do…”.

We do nothing. Out of fear, lack of confidence or lack of time and energy.

But we must act! There’s no need to take big steps, no need to climb the stairs 4 by 4. All we need to do is take small, regular steps.

To be happier, it’s essential to make the things you want to happen happen.

12 – Staying in your comfort zone

In our success-oriented society, which abhors failure, it’s hard to get out of our comfort zone.

Indeed, it’s best to do what you do well. No more, no less.

We don’t want to be noticed for good or bad.

And yet… Because to be happier, it’s essential to get out of our comfort zone, to learn to reinvent ourselves every day, to have the courage to follow our desires and our intuition.

So, what do you want to do, experience and learn?

If you were no longer afraid of what others think, and if you were no longer afraid of failure, what would you do?

13 – Take yourself too seriously

One of the surest ways to be unhappy is to take yourself too seriously.

When you do something, you do it well.

We take on a role right to the end.

Yet taking ourselves too seriously suffocates and exhausts us.

We fit into boxes and can’t get out. So our days are spent doing what we have to do.

What if it was time to stop and let life express itself? You’re not here to play roles, you’re here to be you, with all your imperfections.

You have the right to change your mind, to change your path, to change the way you think and do things.

In fact, you’re not here to impress anyone, you’re here to do what makes you happy. So do it!

14 – Be happier: stop fighting pointless battles

Haven’t you noticed that we waste our time and energy trying to prove that we’re right and, therefore, that others are wrong?

The choice is simple: to be right is to be unhappy. Not to be right is to be happy.

(laughs) Indeed, there’s a little voice inside us screaming, “But if I’m right, I’m not going to shut up!” Let me introduce you: the ego. We all have one, and it’s the one that ruins our lives.

Every ego wants to be right, so we argue, grumble, get angry…

What if you were to silence your ego and choose peace and happiness?

The choice is yours.

15 – Running after happiness

We tend to put conditions on our happiness: “When I graduate, when I get my promotion, when I go on vacation, when I find love…”.

And so we run after our happiness.

Which means we’re not really living now, in the present moment, we’ll live when we get what we want.

Yet happiness is always there, but it’s not tomorrow. It’s today.

In fact, happiness is wherever you decide.

Decide to be happy now, even if you haven’t graduated yet, even if you haven’t found love yet.

Here too, the choice is yours. Because happiness is simply a choice.

Do I decide to be happy today? Yes or no?

What about you? What’s the mistake you make the most? I make mistake number 7: going too fast. I run and wear myself out. (laughs)

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover Think of yourself: 6 tips for thinking less of others and more of yourself
Discover I’m unhappy: 6 mistakes we all make and how to free ourselves from them

I recommend this inspiring book:

The Joy of Living: Unlocking the Secret and Science of Happiness by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche and Eric Swanson

This book stands at the intersection of ancient contemplative practices and modern neuroscience, offering insights and techniques for unlocking the secrets of lasting happiness. Tibetan Buddhist master Mingyur Rinpoche combines spiritual wisdom with scientific understanding, offering a holistic approach to finding joy in everyday life. This book focuses on the transformative power of mindfulness and meditation, offering a practical guide to cultivating happiness and well-being.

Don’t expect to read this book once and be enlightened. There are many concepts that will take time to integrate and become part of your way of thinking. This is a book that will need to be studied and its concepts put into practice to give you the ultimate “joie de vivre”.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself