How to live happily? It’s a question that deserves an answer. After all, we shouldn’t leave our happiness to chance. So we might as well ask one of the world’s most inspiring men for advice: the Dalai Lama. That’s why I’m sharing with you his 14 top tips for being happy in life.

The book you need to read to live happily

I’m writing this article after reading the book “The Art of Happiness“, in which Howard Cutler, an American psychiatrist, describes his conversations with the Dalai Lama.

I really enjoyed reading the book, because it’s inspiring.

In fact, when you close the book, you’re soothed and motivated to set up actions and habits to live happier. That’s why I wholeheartedly recommend it!

The following 14 tips are taken from the book.

1 – Understand that happiness is our life’s purpose

Indeed, according to the Dalai Lama, the goal of every human being is the pursuit of happiness. Happiness is not to be found in external circumstances, such as a new job, a new partner or a new travel experience. In fact, happiness is within us and can be cultivated.

That’s why the Dalai Lama invites us to stop comparing ourselves to those who seem to have more or be better than we are. He invites us to do the opposite.

Indeed, by feeling compassion for those who have less than we do, we can realize how lucky we are, and thus be happier with our lives.

2 – Living happily: differentiating between our needs and our desires

The Dalai Lama invites us to differentiate between our needs and our desires. Needs such as good food and a roof over our heads are essential to our happiness.

However, desires such as having a bigger car or earning more than the neighbor are poisonous to our well-being.

That’s why, to live happily, we need to ask ourselves regularly: “Do I really need it?”

3 – Differentiate between pleasure and happiness

The Dalai Lama invites us to distinguish between happiness and pleasure.

Because some pleasures can be harmful to our health and well-being.

That’s why we need to be sensible and moderate in our pursuit of pleasure.

In other words, to live happily, we need to ask ourselves, “Will this decision bring me greater happiness or pleasure?”

4 – Transform our outlook and our way of thinking

The Dalai Lama tells us that happiness is cultivated by distancing ourselves from suffering.

To do this, we must learn to recognize the sources of our suffering. What are the thoughts and situations that create suffering in us? Then let’s remove them from our lives.

What’s more, let’s make room for positive thoughts and do what really makes us happy.

5 – Living happily: developing our mental discipline

But if our happiness only depends on the way we look at things and the way we think, why are so many people unhappy?

The Dalai Lama answers that it takes time to get to know ourselves, our sources of suffering and our negative thoughts.

First of all, he invites us to start each day with the determination not to waste it.

Secondly, he invites us to exercise mental discipline. That is, every evening, he invites us to ask ourselves this question: “Did my day turn out the way I wanted it to?”

If it’s a yes, then let’s celebrate. If it’s a no, let’s analyze why and stay determined to change things.

6 – Open up to others to live happily

The Dalai Lama tells us that we feel lonely because we close ourselves off from others, and sometimes we’re even afraid of others. Afraid that they won’t respect or appreciate us.

And yet, having good relationships with others is essential to our happiness. So how can we become more open?

The Dalai Lama suggests we cultivate our compassion and sympathy by developing our ability to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes, not to judge them, to understand their past, what they’ve been through…

In fact, to live happily, we need to develop a greater openness of mind to learn how to communicate with others.

What’s more, the Dalai Lama advises us to approach the other person with the understanding that we all have the same thing in common: our desire not to suffer and to be happy in life.

7 – Suffering is part of life

How could we do otherwise? We don’t understand why we suffer, and we think it’s unfair.

The Dalai Lama explains that we can’t hide from suffering: it’s part of life. However, we can change the way we experience our suffering.

Indeed, when we understand that suffering is part of life, injustice has no place. As a result, we feel less resentful and less alone.

This is why the Dalai Lama invites us to think of other people who are going through or have gone through the same thing as us, when we’re going through a difficult time.

8 – Living happily: protecting your inner peace

Sometimes we create our own suffering, and we can stop doing it.

The Dalai Lama takes the example of a person who insults us. We can choose to cause ourselves suffering by responding, or we can decide not to react and preserve our inner calm.

We can also, when a thought hurts us, decide to stop thinking about it.

In other words, to live happily, we always have the choice of preserving and cultivating our inner calm.

9 – Living happily: overcoming fear of change

Change is sometimes a source of suffering, because we may lack patience and “flexibility of mind”.

That’s why, to live happily, we need to learn to be enthusiastic about change, to appreciate the chance we have to progress and learn new things.

10 – Suffering as a teacher

In fact, the Dalai Lama sees suffering as a great teacher.

Because, to live better with suffering, we need to develop our compassion. Indeed, we learn to soften ourselves, to be more sensitive to the pain of others. In this way, we become more capable of understanding others, and more open-minded.

11 – Living happily: understanding that happiness can be learned

The Dalai Lama talks about “the quest for happiness”. He explains that it requires determination, effort and time, just like any other learning process in life.

But how do we learn to be happy? He invites us to be regular in our learning, to combine theory and practice, and to be persevering.

And, if we hit a roadblock, he advises us to step back and take the long view rather than the short one.

Finally, he invites us to comfort ourselves with things that bring us immediate happiness.

12 – Find the antidote to anger and hatred

The Dalai Lama speaks of an antidote for every obstacle to happiness. This is why he invites us to cultivate patience and tolerance, which are the antidotes to anger and hatred.

Indeed, to dissipate our anger, we can first learn to recognize that it is not a good advisor – quite the contrary.

Because anger inhibits our ability to judge right from wrong and to measure the consequences of our actions. It is therefore very dangerous. Now that we know this, we can decide not to give in to anger because we don’t want it.

In addition, to help us, the Dalai Lama invites us to calm down when anger rises within us. We can practice this by regularly meditating on anger, to learn to prefer our serenity to it.

13 – Living happily: finding the antidote to anxiety

Another obstacle to our happiness is anxiety. When we understand that anxiety eats away at our mind and body, we don’t want it anymore. But what can we do?

The Dalai Lama offers a first remedy to stop brooding with this thought:

“If there is a solution, there’s no point in worrying. If there is no solution, worrying is just as pointless.”

In other words, you can live happily by learning to be positive.

14 – Living happily: leading a spiritual life

Indeed, the Dalai Lama sees prayer as “a daily reminder” of our deepest principles and convictions.

So having a spiritual life doesn’t necessarily mean embracing a religion.

In fact, a spiritual life is above all a daily commitment to maintaining a positive state of mind: cultivating our compassion, not allowing ourselves to be carried away by anger or anxiety…

To lead a spiritual life is to strive to be a good human being, day after day.

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover I’m unhappy: 6 mistakes we all make and how to free ourselves from them
Discover How to learn to be happy: 8 powerful steps

I recommend this inspiring book:

The Art of Living: Vipassana Meditation by William Hart

The author introduces us to the transformative practice of Vipassana meditation, which aims to cultivate a deep sense of inner peace and happiness. The book explores the link between mindfulness, meditation and the art of living a fulfilled life. Hart provides practical information and advice on how individuals can integrate Vipassana meditation into their daily routine, fostering a heightened awareness of the present moment. Through the lens of mindfulness, we are encouraged to adopt a more intentional and harmonious way of living, unlocking the potential for lasting happiness and well-being.

This book confirms and reaffirms what I’m doing right, and points me in the right direction about what I may not be doing optimally.
It’s concise and well-written and, for me, there’s something that resonates on every page. I loved it!

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself