When our love story ends, it hurts. So we do everything we can to forget our ex, but the harder we try, the less we succeed. Why is that? Here are 6 practical tips for getting over your ex and getting over a breakup.

1 – Don’t rehash the whys and wherefores

It’s the questions we ask ourselves that keep us from forgetting.

The more time we spend trying to understand why things happened the way they did and how we might have been able to change things, the less likely we are to forget our ex.

That’s why it’s important not to dwell on too many questions. But how can we do this?

Because it’s normal to have questions. We’d like to understand, and sometimes we wish things had turned out differently.

It’s normal, it’s human, but it hurts too much.

We’re hurting ourselves, and it’s up to us to stop hurting ourselves.

In fact, when you ask yourself too many questions, understand that it’s not productive at all, because you can’t change the past and on top of that you’re hurting yourself.

So don’t let your thoughts consume you, learn to calm them down.

In other words, when you feel you’re asking yourself too many questions, close your eyes and say “STOP”.

You can also take a sheet of paper and a pencil and answer all the questions you have once and for all.

Yes, take 10 or 20 minutes to really, concretely answer the questions that are eating away at you.

Give them real answers, or at least take the time to write down all your guesses.

Because once you’ve written it all down in black and white, you’ll finally be able to stop thinking about it and forget about your ex.

2 – Don’t cling to your past to get over your ex

We don’t realize it, but we tend to cling to what’s happened to us.

In concrete terms, we can hear ourselves saying “I’m unhappy, because X amount of time ago, this happened to me…”

So, yes, of course things hurt, and that pain persists long afterwards.

That said, there’s a difference between suffering from a past event when we think about it again and saying “unhappy, unhappy” forever because of that past event.

Indeed, without realizing it, we condemn ourselves to unhappiness, we cling to it.

Because we have a love story with a painful ending, we’re unhappy and we talk about it to anyone who will listen, all the time.

In other words, how is it possible to get over your ex when you spend all your time dwelling on the past?

That’s why I wholeheartedly invite you not to cling to your story. Yes, you’ve just experienced heartache and a painful break-up, but that doesn’t define your whole life.

3 – Don’t pretend everything’s fine after a heartbreak either

Obviously, I’m not telling you to pretend everything’s fine. No, I’m not.

In fact, if you have grief, anger, fears or anxieties, it’s important that you feel them, that you experience them one by one.

Because there’s no point in saying “Not even bad” when you’re hurting. It’s even worse.

To pretend is to put off our grief, all our painful emotions, but sooner or later they’ll come forcing themselves upon us.

And the longer we wait to experience our emotions, one by one, the more intense they will become, sweeping us away in their wake.

So breathe.

Accept the pain.

Accept grief, anger and any other emotion that comes your way.

It’s only natural.

In fact, understand that getting over your ex means going through a whole bunch of emotions that aren’t exactly pleasant to experience, but are necessary!

4 – Refocus on yourself and your life to forget your ex

It’s possible that, during our love affair, we made a lot of room in our hearts, in our thoughts and in our lives for our ex.

And once he or she is gone, we’re lost.

In fact, it’s as if we no longer know who we are, what our purpose is, or even what the point of it all is.

That’s why our ex is everywhere in our thoughts. Because all of a sudden there’s too much emptiness.

And, in the end, it’s not so much the person themselves that we miss, but it’s that emptiness that scares us.

That’s why I wholeheartedly invite you to refocus on yourself and your life.

That is, to put more of yourself into your thoughts and your life.

In other words, instead of constantly thinking about what your ex was happy about, what you were doing and what you could have been doing right now, ask yourself what would make you happy and what you could be doing right now.

It won’t be easy at first, but soon it will be.

That’s why force yourself a little at first. Do things that you liked or that you liked before your ex came into your life.

Or pick up ideas left and right: reading, writing, cooking, sports, sewing.

Do things. Think about yourself.

What do you like? What do you want to do?

Asking and answering questions like these is the secret to getting over your ex.

5 – Start imagining what’s next to get over your ex faster

To get over your ex, it can be interesting to think about your next love story.

No, not with a view to finding a replacement, but rather to enjoy dreaming up a new story.

Because, all too often, we can’t imagine what’s next, and that’s why we keep looking back.

And, even if that story with our ex wasn’t very happy in the end, we cling to it, because tomorrow scares us too much.

That’s why we take a little time to ask you a light, curious question.

What would I like to experience in my next love story? What kind of people would I like to meet? Where could I meet this kind of person? What would my ideal love life be like?

In other words, don’t get too hung up on the past, and open your arms to what’s next.

6 – Keep a post-it note handy to forget your ex

Breaking up with someone is never easy. It’s a rather painful moment during which a whole host of intense emotions run through us.

And all that grief, anger, fear and anxiety can sometimes leave us so exhausted that we think the best solution for us to be happy again is to win back our ex at all costs.

So, that’s why, to avoid making this mistake, I wholeheartedly invite you to write down on a post-it note a phrase like this one: “I’m forgetting my ex and making room for a new love story.”

Indeed, remember that you have to forget your ex, that it’s the best thing you can do for yourself and your life.

So don’t let your fears and anxieties, which will be numerous, make you doubt what you have to do.

So, obviously, I’m talking about people whose break-up was “necessary”, i.e. who were in a love relationship that wasn’t at all healthy and fulfilling.

Anyone who feels they don’t want to get over their ex is free to do so, of course. But remember, the title of the article is “How to forget your ex”. (laughs)

That’s why this little post-it is such a powerful tip for you if you’re really convinced that getting over your ex is the right thing to do.

I’m sending you gentle thoughts to help you through this breakup. You’ll get through it. It may take longer, it may be more painful than you thought, but you’ll get there. I hope this article was helpful and made you feel better.

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover Recovering from a breakup: 4 must-dos to get better
Discover How to accept a breakup: 7 tips for getting back on your feet

I recommend this inspiring book:

The Breakup Bible: The Smart Woman’s Guide to Healing from a Breakup or Divorce by Rachel Sussman

The author provides a practical and insightful guide to navigating the emotional road to healing after a breakup. Drawing on her expertise as a relationship therapist, the book offers practical advice, enabling women to overcome the challenges of a breakup or divorce. It is a supportive resource, guiding readers through the process of self-discovery and recovery, ultimately helping them to move forward and regain strength and happiness.

In this book, the author acts as a gentle, wise friend who accompanies you on the road to healing from a break-up. Using examples from the breakup experiences of many women (including the author herself), she validates your own breakup experience and makes you feel that you’re not alone. She comforts you in the midst of your difficult emotions and gently guides you, step by step, towards the goal of healing, strength and happiness. I highly recommend this book if you’re going through a difficult breakup.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself