What to do when you have a painful past? How can we stop dwelling on the past and be happy in the present moment? Because, all too often, our past prevents us from being happy. Too many painful memories, too many unhealed wounds prevent us from finding inner peace and joie de vivre. So here are 5 helpful and comforting tips to help you finally know how to be happy despite a heavy past.

1 – A painful past is not a burden you have to carry around with you

We can’t forget the past, and we let it spoil our lives, because we think the past is a burden we have to carry around. In fact, we can’t leave it behind. It’s there, always with us, in our thoughts and actions.

It’s as if there’s a part of us that won’t let it go, perhaps out of loyalty to the past. It’s as if we’re afraid to forget it, as if we don’t have the right to forget it, when in fact we must learn to forget it.

If we do this, it’s because we haven’t learned one essential thing about the past, whether painful or not: that the past is an inexhaustible source of lessons and teachings. In fact, we learn from our past.

Unfortunately, we tend to have the impression that the past condemns us more than it teaches us. In other words, rather than looking to what happened in the past to teach us how to live better in the present, we look to our past for reasons to condemn us to unhappiness today.

Yet a painful past is not a burden. The past may be full of wounds that need to be healed one by one, but it is never a reason to be unhappy in the present.

To do this, take a fresh look at your past. Look for the lessons, look for the wounds to heal, and learn and heal. One memory at a time, one wound at a time. But don’t think of your past as a burden you have to carry around. Let it go.

2 – Make the decision to move forward

Sometimes our past is so painful or so burdensome that we turn our backs on it completely, turning our backs on the present and our future. So what can we do?

Personally, when I notice that my attention is focused far too much on a painful memory from my past, I stop for a moment and ask myself what’s really hurting me about that memory. In fact, I’ll give myself a few moments to satisfy my need to analyze my past in order to understand, but also to get better.

Because, I’ve noticed, all too often we lose ourselves in the memories of our painful past in a passive way. We let our painful past take up all the space, making us suffer without any clear intention of wanting to get better. In fact, we let our past torture us again and again.

But when the past resurfaces, it’s not to torture us, it’s because it has something to tell us. In fact, we still have something to learn from it. It’s a bit like emotions that keep coming back until we understand their message. The past is a bit like that.

So ask yourself why this particular memory from your past keeps coming back. Take an attentive, yet curious look: what do you need to understand, learn and/or heal? Take the time you need to do this. But, once you’ve taken that attentive look, move on.

Understand that the past is always pushing you forward. Indeed, it reminds you to learn from your past experiences, with the sole aim of building a deeper, more solid happiness. What do you think?

3 – Choose gratitude and benevolence

All too often, we do ourselves a great injustice when we dwell on our past. We see ourselves in our memories, and more often than not, we feel ashamed of the person we once were. Because we think we’ve been too weak, for example, or that we’ve made some really bad decisions. So how can we stop being so unfair to ourselves?

I’ve realized that every time I’m tempted to criticize myself in my past, it’s because it’s a moment in my past for which I can feel gratitude towards myself.

Because if I realize today that I made a mistake in the past, it’s because I made that mistake in the past. In other words, I’ve learned, I’ve grown, and to get to this point, I needed my painful past. And that’s why I can feel gratitude for him. Do you understand?

That’s why, when we travel through our past, we need to look kindly on ourselves. In other words, let go of shame and guilt.

4 – A painful past doesn’t define who we are

Unfortunately, unconsciously, we tend to let the past define us. In fact, an unconscious part of us believes that because we were unhappy in the past, then we can’t be unhappy today or even tomorrow.

In other words, a painful past is a kind of life sentence to unhappiness. This is completely false. But this idea is inscribed in our subconscious. That’s why we need to remind ourselves, and repeat to ourselves, that we have the right, and are capable, of being happy despite a painful past.

To do this, I invite you to change your perspective and mindset. Stop looking for reasons in the past for not being happy in life. Instead, look for reasons in your present to be happy here and now.

Because your painful past doesn’t define the person you have to be today. You’ve had a painful past, but that doesn’t stop you from being happy here and now. And it’s up to you to do it consciously. One day at a time.

5 – Stop dwelling on your painful past to live life to the fullest

Generally speaking, we need to understand that life is about moving forward. The past is behind us, and although it still lives within us, it doesn’t have the power to prevent us from being happy in the here and now. For that, we need to stop living in our thoughts and live fully in the present.

In other words, instead of brooding, do things! Do things that make you feel good, that make you smile, here and now. And never stop doing those things.

Get out of your thoughts and live! That’s moving forward! What do you think? Will you do it?

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover Stop dwelling on the past: 8 tips to start moving forward
Discover Zen quotes: 70 soothing quotes

I recommend this inspiring book:

The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity by Nadine Burke Harris

In The Deepest Well, Nadine Burke Harris explores the impact of childhood adversity on long-term well-being and happiness. The book looks at the science behind Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and offers insights into overcoming the effects of a painful past. By understanding and addressing the root causes of adversity, individuals can embark on a path of healing, cultivating resilience and regaining a sense of happiness despite difficult histories.

It explains a difficult subject in a simple and relevant way, based on scientific data. This is essential information for everyone. It’s about our health and what we should be doing to ensure our well-being and that of future generations.
It’s essential reading for everyone. If you’re on a health quest, get a copy, read it, you’ll be glad you did.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself