What do we do when bad news hits us and everything around us collapses? How do we stay strong, how do we get back up when the going gets tough? Here are 10 pratical advice for building resilience and getting back up quickly despite life’s hard knocks.

1 – Give yourself the right to fall

The first thing to do when you’re going through a difficult time is to give yourself the right to fall.

Now, this doesn’t mean giving in to despair and lament. It doesn’t.

But it does mean giving ourselves the right to suffer, to hurt, and therefore to need moments to cry, to express our fear and anger too.

That’s why, to develop resilience, it’s essential to give ourselves the right to slow down and even stop for a while, to take care of ourselves, to experience our grief and anger too.

2 – Then, give ourselves the right to get back up again

Then it’s time to get up again, and strangely enough, we may not give ourselves the right to do so.

In fact, during a difficult moment, we sometimes forbid ourselves to get up, as if we had to carry our grief forever.

But we don’t. All grief, even the deepest, passes. It doesn’t mean that we’re no longer sad, but it does mean that we’re simply ready to move on.

There’s nothing wrong with that. Quite the contrary, in fact. It’s human nature to want to move on.

3 – Keeping in touch with those around you

When you’re suffering, it’s normal to feel the need to close in on yourself, because sadness is a withdrawal emotion.

But sadness doesn’t tell us to cut ourselves off from others. In fact, it sends a strong message to those around us: “I need support.

That’s why, when we’re sad, we need to be careful not to cut ourselves off completely from others. Yes, we need moments of solitude, but we don’t need to live like hermits either.

What’s more, let’s understand that the more we shut ourselves away in our house and in our thoughts, the more grief, anger and fear take over us. Little by little, our emotions devour us until we’re no longer able to stand up on our own two feet.

So, to develop resilience, it’s essential to stay in touch with those around us. Just a little. Just a moment at a time.

4 – Take inspiration from other stories to build resilience

Grief tends to turn us in on ourselves, and we can end up believing that we’re all alone in the world, that no one can help us or understand us. Not true!

In fact, so many people have gone through difficult times that we don’t even know about.

That’s why other people are often quite capable of understanding our pain and helping us to overcome it. Not necessarily with advice, but simply by setting an example.

We see them standing up, we see them going on their way, and we tell ourselves that it’s possible.

That’s why, to develop resilience, it’s a good idea to get to know the stories of all those people who have suffered and risen again.

Read biographies and even novels. You can also watch documentaries or biopics.

5 – One step at a time, one day at a time

Picking ourselves up after a hard time doesn’t mean we become hopeful and perfectly happy again. It doesn’t.

We pick ourselves up little by little. We even experience moments of relapse. And that’s normal. We need to give ourselves time and a great deal of kindness.

Because resilience is built one day at a time, one small step at a time.

6 – Stay active to build resilience

We need to be in action to start picking ourselves up, to show we’re strong even in the toughest times.

Would it be as simple as starting to maintain our house again, or going back to work?

Indeed, don’t ask yourself to do difficult, even impossible things. Just do the everyday things.

7 – Practice meditation to develop resilience

In fact, it’s our thoughts that most often prevent us from developing resilience.

They convince us day after day that what’s happening to us is really too hard, too unfair, and that we’ll never get over it.

The problem is that we have rarely learned to step aside from our thoughts. We believe them, we even cling to them: “Because I think that, then it’s true.” Wrong!

Our thoughts are automatic. They’re there without any control on our part. They chatter and are often very negative and pessimistic.

That’s why, to develop resilience, it’s worth learning to practice meditation. To calm our thoughts, to take that step aside to free ourselves from their negative grip and breathe more freely, more serenely.

8 – Looking back to build resilience

When bad news hits us, we have a lot of doubts about our ability to bounce back and be resilient.

Yet if we were to look back for a moment, we could see that we were once capable of resilience.

In fact, you’ve undoubtedly been through a lot in your life. So keep going.

9 – Taking care of others

Sometimes we can’t get over a hard blow, because we’re too focused on our own pain, our own suffering.

At such times, to develop resilience, it’s a good idea to take a step aside from our own pain, by taking an interest in the pain of others.

So, it’s not a contest to see who suffers the most. Rather, it’s a way of distracting ourselves.

In fact, as we have difficulty helping ourselves, perhaps we can help ourselves by helping others.

10 – Keep hope alive to build resilience

And then, sometimes we have to have the courage, even the folly, to keep hoping. One day, things will get better. We don’t know when, but one day it will get better. And that’s enough to build resilience.

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover How to develop a positive attitude: 10 great tips
Discover Bouncing back from bad news: 8 tips for moving forward

I recommend this inspiring book:

Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakeable Core of Calm, Strength, and Happiness by Rick Hanson

In Resilient, Rick Hanson offers a guide to building resilience by cultivating mental strength and emotional well-being. The book offers neuroscience-based insights and practical exercises to help us develop a resilient state of mind, meet challenges and find a lasting sense of calm and happiness. By integrating the principles outlined in the book, we can improve our ability to bounce back from adversity, adapt to change and develop an unshakeable core of inner strength.

This is an excellent book on resilience. I had already read a lot on the subject for professional and private reasons.
If you want to improve your resilience in the most effective way, you can’t go wrong using this book as a starting point.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself