Suffering from the fear of abandonment is difficult. Because we crave support, we crave listening, we crave warm, even intimate relationships, but we find it too hard to trust. So we close ourselves off, breaking off relationships out of fear, out of our own defense mechanisms. What if it was time to let go of that fear? Here are my 6 soothing tips for moving forward.

1 – Don’t pay too much attention to why you’re afraid of abandonment

So, yes, it’s important to know how this fear of abandonment originated in us, but the problem is that we often only think about the why.

And that why, far from helping us move forward, imprisons us even deeper in our malaise.

That’s why I wholeheartedly invite you to focus less on the why and more on the how.

How can we get better? How to live better despite this fear of abandonment.

Indeed, it’s important to understand that this fear of abandonment will always be present, but with time and advice, it will become less and less of a burden and handicap.

And that’s good news, because it means you don’t have to fight your fear, but rather learn to live in peace with it. Which is much gentler and, above all, more “doable”.

2 – Learn to be happy alone

The fear of abandonment is all the stronger when we believe that we absolutely need to be surrounded to be happy.

So, of course, to be happy, we need to have warm relationships with others. But not only that.

In fact, there are many people who have warm relationships with others, but who are not happy in their own lives.

So, when we suffer from the fear of abandonment, we need to realize that relationships aren’t everything in our lives, and that they aren’t the basis of our happiness.

The basis of our happiness is ourselves.

So how can we be happy on our own?

To do so, it’s important to pay attention to ourselves. Because all too often, our eyes, thoughts and emotions are focused on others. Yes, it’s other people we look at, think about and feel for.

And so we lose ourselves completely in our relationships with others.

That’s why I wholeheartedly invite you to turn your gaze inward, in other words, to take a greater interest in yourself.

To listen to your needs and satisfy them, to listen to your desires, your joy and your happiness.

Because it’s by taking an interest in yourself that you’ll become less dependent on others.

3 – Listening to yourself and reassuring yourself when you suffer from the fear of abandonment

We’d like to stop suffering from the fear of abandonment, we’d like to be free of it for good, to see it disappear.

And that pushes us to hurt ourselves.

Because we reject what we feel, we don’t want it.

What’s more, we can feel a certain shame in suffering from this fear of abandonment. As if we were not normal, not sane.

But when we’re suffering from this fear, we need to do just the opposite. Yes, on the contrary, we need our unconditional support and reassurance.

In fact, it’s because you don’t know how to support yourself in difficult times that you believe others won’t be able to.

Take a deep breath!

Understand that this fear of abandonment is normal. Yes, it’s normal. It’s a normal response to trauma, a wound from the past.

And, you can be completely happy with this fear, and that starts with taking care to listen to yourself and reassure yourself as soon as you feel it.

4 – Become aware of your defense mechanisms and let go

Fear of abandonment pushes us to adopt defensive behaviors with others. In fact, as soon as someone gets too close, or behaves in a way we consider dangerous, we get our claws out or run like hell.

When we see ourselves doing this, we are often angry with ourselves, and little by little, we lose hope, we lose confidence in ourselves, in our ability to one day overcome our fear.

Take a breath!

Defensive behaviors are normal. And the more you consider them abnormal, the more ashamed or angry you’ll feel about them, and the more they’ll take root in your daily life.

That’s why I wholeheartedly invite you to let go. Let go of your shame and anger. Accept them. Accept that you wanted to protect yourself.

Let it go. Then become aware of what happened, analyze the situation.

And think about how, next time, in this situation, you might feel more at ease, less obliged to protect yourself.

5 – Learning to trust when suffering from the fear of abandonment

In the past, people have behaved in certain ways and you’ve felt abandoned.

Maybe it was one person, maybe it was several.

And, little by little, this experience or these experiences have changed the way you look at others. In fact, little by little, you began to lose confidence in others.

Not all of them. But in any case, all the new people who try to get close to you, you distrust a little, even a lot. You protect yourself.

What if I told you that your heart is stronger than you think? What if I told you that most people mean you no harm, quite the opposite in fact?

How does that make you feel? Do you agree with this, or does it make you feel uncomfortable or even angry?

Because you need to understand that to stop letting the fear of abandonment spoil your life, you’re going to have to learn, little by little, to trust other people.

Remember that you don’t have to harden yourself in this life, but to love with all your heart. No matter the disappointments, no matter the tricks, your heart will heal. It’s strong and valiant.

However, I’m not telling you to love people with whom you don’t have a healthy relationship. In fact, always listen to your inner voice.

The point is not to love blindly either. Find the happy medium.

6 – Take a gentler view of life

When you suffer from the fear of abandonment, you might think that life is hard, that it’s a relentless struggle.

And, the more you think that way, the more it does.

In fact, we need to be aware of the law of the Universe that says we attract what we vibrate and what we believe.

In other words, the more you believe that the world is hostile, that the people around you are dangerous, the more this is what’s going to happen.

That’s why I wholeheartedly invite you to calm your gaze on everything around you.

Because you don’t have to fight, the world isn’t as hostile as you think, in fact, it’s quite beautiful, even very beautiful.

So take a gentler look at life, your life and the people around you.

Always choose your heart over your fears.

What do you think?

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover Feeling lonely and sad: 5 heart-friendly tips
Discover Learn to be Zen: 6 great tips for finding peace

I recommend this inspiring book:

Attachment Theory: A Guide to Strengthening the Relationships in Your Life by Thais Gibson

Thais Gibson’s book on attachment theory helps us understand the fear of abandonment by looking at the dynamics of human bonds. The book explores how early experiences shape our attachment styles and influence our relationships. Gibson offers practical advice for understanding and overcoming the fear of abandonment, fostering healthier bonds and building secure attachments. By applying the principles outlined in the book, you’ll gain a better understanding of your relationship patterns and strive to create more satisfying, secure connections with others.

This book has great healing potential. While it doesn’t soothe the feeling of being a victim, it does show empathy, and you’ll certainly feel anything but abandoned.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself