It’s not easy to stop putting pressure on ourselves in this fast-paced world where we have no right to make mistakes. And yet, we all know that constantly putting pressure on ourselves prevents us from being happy. How can we get rid of this stress? Here are 11 tips to help you calm down.

1 – Understand why we put pressure on ourselves

It’s important to listen to your thoughts when you feel an emergency or stress twisting your stomach: what am I thinking about that’s putting pressure on me?

Is it my need for recognition? Is it the fear of missing out, of failing, of being seen by others, of not measuring up?

What are the beliefs that put pressure on me? What do I think I should do or be?

Because, in fact, that’s what pressure is all about: believing that until we’ve done this or achieved that, we’re not good enough.

Stop believing you’re not good enough. Do you know where this belief comes from? Your childhood.

In fact, your parents and teachers did their best to educate you, but they often gave you a few beliefs along the way, including that you’re not good enough, that you have to do this to be a good person, that you have to try harder, that you always have to do better…

Breathe. Now you’re an adult. You’re free to believe what you want, so you might as well believe things that make you feel good, that make you happy, right?

That’s why, to stop putting pressure on yourself, it’s essential to know how to repeat this thought to yourself: “I’m good enough. I’m a beautiful person and I’m doing my best, nothing more, nothing less.”

2 – Give yourself 2 or 3 priorities per day or per project to stop putting pressure on yourself.

To stop putting pressure on ourselves, we need to stop running around and stop believing we’re superhumans.

Indeed, there’s nothing better for putting pressure on yourself than having an endless to-do list.

Here’s an apt quote on the subject: “If you can’t remember what you have to do in the day, and you need to write it down, then you’ve got too much to do.”

That’s why I invite you to have only two or three priorities a day. A priority is something important, and it can concern any area of our lives: professional, personal, family…

I know it may not seem like much: 2 or 3, but that’s how you’ll stop putting pressure on yourself. Because you’re not a DOING machine, you’re a human BEING.

And, if you don’t have the time to do what you’d like to do, ask for help, delegate or give up! At first, this will be disconcerting, even disturbing for those who are used to managing everything. But it’s essential if you want to stop putting pressure on yourself.

3 – A quote to take with you everywhere

In fact, to stop putting pressure on ourselves: we need a signal that invites us to look inside ourselves: how do I feel? Am I putting pressure on myself?

And that signal is a quote. A quote that makes us feel good, that reminds us to get back to basics, to lightness and joy.

Perhaps the most powerful quote is: “And then one day, you don’t care and it feels good.”

In fact, pick a quote you like and make sure it’s in front of you as often as possible.

That’s why I invite you to put it in the background of your laptop or computer screen, to write it down everywhere in your diary, on a piece of paper in your wallet, on a post-it note on your fridge, your mirror, in the entrance hall of your home, on your bedside table… In other words, EVERYWHERE!

Because, to stop putting pressure on yourself, you need to remember to get back to basics.

4 – Congratulate yourself every day to stop putting pressure on yourself

If, at the end of the day, you feel exhausted and stressed and a voice whispers to you that you haven’t done enough and that tomorrow you need to do even more and even better, it’s time to learn to congratulate yourself.

To do this, take 5 minutes in the evening, when you get home from work or when you go to bed, to congratulate yourself: what are the things I’ve done today that make me proud of myself? What did I do that’s important for me, my work, the people around me, my future or my home? What do I want to come back to tonight and congratulate myself on?

When it’s time to congratulate yourself, let that feeling of joy and satisfaction rise up inside you, and let a smile blossom on your face.

Then, answer that voice that tells you you haven’t done enough: “I disagree. I’m proud of what I did today. My day is over. I’m going to rest now.”

5 – Talk to yourself like a friend to stop putting pressure on yourself

When we put pressure on ourselves, we talk down to each other. We call each other lazy, we say we’re too lazy.

What if it was time to talk to each other like friends?

Indeed, if a friend came to you exhausted and stressed by his day and said: “I didn’t do enough today!, I’ve got to do better tomorrow…”, wouldn’t you feel compassion for him?

Because when a friend comes to us under pressure, we reassure him and encourage him. We say: “You’re a good person and you do enough. You shouldn’t put so much pressure on yourself. Look at how stressed and sad you are, take care of yourself, that’s the most important thing.”

So why not do the same with us.

That’s why, to stop putting pressure on ourselves, I invite you to talk to yourself as you would talk to a friend of yours. This exercise is just magic! It changed my life.

6 – Slow down to stop putting pressure on yourself

So, this exercise goes against your instincts. Yes, every time you feel like running around, every time you feel stress taking over and telling you to hurry up: slow down!

Yes, when you say to yourself: hurry, hurry, I’ve got to hurry, slow down! Physically! Walk slower. Better still, sit down and breathe for 2 or 3 minutes.

In fact, stay with all that stress and all those thoughts swirling around in your head. Feel all that pressure you’re putting on yourself, arching your back, pressing painfully on your shoulders. Take a breath. Let it all calm down.

Once you’ve calmed down, ask yourself this question: what’s most important to me right now?

Because it’s only by slowing down that you’ll be able to get back to the essential.

7 – Accept that there are no wrong choices or decisions

We put a lot of pressure on ourselves when we have to make a choice or a decision. Why do we do this? Because we’re afraid of making the wrong choice or decision.

But there’s no such thing as a bad choice or a bad decision. In fact, all choices are good if you respect one thing: you must make them with your heart as your guide, not your mind.

In fact, if your decision makes your heart beat with joy or you feel an inner calm, then you’re not mistaken – it’s the right decision.

Because it’s important to understand that there are things for which we are responsible, including the choices we make, but we’re not responsible for what happens next.

Because often, as you may have noticed, no matter how “correctly” we did things, life got in the way and nothing went according to plan.

In fact, learn to be surprised by life and not to resist it. Follow what it wants to show you and teach you.

8 – Accept that you’re not perfect and stop putting pressure on yourself

When we put pressure on ourselves, it’s because we want to be perfect. We don’t give ourselves the right to make mistakes.

It’s a shame, because we’re preventing ourselves from learning, which is the purpose of our time on Earth: to learn, grow and evolve.

That’s why we can’t let society make us believe that we don’t have time to learn, that we don’t have the right to make mistakes or change our minds.

You do have the right!

That’s why we don’t ask you to be perfect. Just be you.

9 – Detach yourself from other people’s gaze

We often put pressure on ourselves in the eyes of others. Yes, we’re afraid of their judgment, or we want to stand out from them, to be better, to surpass them. There’s nothing wrong with that, because deep down, we all want to be extraordinary.

Unfortunately, we tend to fall into competition and comparison.

But the other person is not our enemy.

So stop comparing yourself, stop trying to be the best.

Be kinder, gentler to yourself. To do this, remember that you have nothing to prove and that no one is superior or inferior: we all complement each other.

10 – Taking small steps

Stopping putting pressure on yourself doesn’t mean you’ve stopped having big dreams and big plans – quite the contrary.

In fact, when we stop putting pressure on ourselves, we can finally build things for the long term, have a vision, an intention for the future.

Because having a big project, like changing jobs, setting up a business, organizing a round-the-world trip… that takes time! And you can’t do it all in one day.

That’s why you have to learn to give yourself time and be patient.

Unfortunately, we don’t really know how. We’re used to speed, to immediacy even. And when that doesn’t happen fast enough, we get frustrated, or even worse, doubt ourselves: if it takes a long time, it surely won’t happen.

Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, every major project takes time.

11 – Take a break between each action to stop putting pressure on yourself

Because, to stop putting pressure on yourself, you need to take the time to savour everything you finish.

Today, we move so fast that we jump from one activity to another. Our daily lives have become a whirlwind of things to do. In fact, we chase after something with the feeling that nothing has been done.

That’s why, at the end of the day, rather than looking at all the things we’ve done, our gaze fixes on all the things we still have to do, and the pressure mounts!

Take a deep breath! It’s all over.

In fact, I invite you to celebrate every single thing you do every day. So, at first, it’s going to be hard because we’re not used to it. We’ll forget lots of times. But that’s okay.

At first, think about it at night before you go to bed, go back and look at all the things you’ve done during the day. And, celebrate them. Savor that feeling of accomplishment and contentment, so rare in this day and age.

Then, as you go along, try to do it during the day, when you’ve finished a task: an important call, answering your e-mails, doing the shopping, doing the housework, preparing dinner… Think carefully about feeling the contentment of having done something.

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover How to find inner peace: 10 thoughts that do good
Discover Learn to be Zen: 6 great tips for finding peace

I recommend this inspiring book:

The Pressure Principle by Dr. Dave Alred

Dr. Dave Alred explores strategies for overcoming self-imposed pressure and performance anxiety. The book provides guidance on managing stress, setting realistic expectations and adopting a healthier mindset in the face of challenges. Dr. Alred’s practical advice and real-life examples offer tools for coping with high-pressure situations with resilience, ultimately helping them break the cycle of self-inflicted pressure and perform at their best.

Logical process and anecdotes for managing performance anxiety, excellent toolbox with concrete examples, true stories.
The Pressure Principle gives excellent insight into the power of an unlimited mindset and how to prepare for those moments that can define a career or simply cook dinner for your in-laws (laughs).

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself