The desire to control everything is the watchword of modern society. Everything has to be planned, everything has to be foreseen, and everything has to go according to plan. We shouldn’t be surprised by bad news. Unfortunately, all this plunges us into endless stress. That’s why I’m sharing with you 6 tips for living more zen.

1 – Accept that you can’t control everything

We’re so used to wanting to control everything that we end up ordering life around. Yes, all we want is happiness.

So we resist and reject the things we don’t like.

To live a more zen life, we urgently need to understand that life is not a supermarket where we are the customers. Life doesn’t have to offer us one thing and spare us another.

Life is like itself, full of surprises: some good, some not so good.

It’s not our fault, it’s just the way things are.

So life doesn’t ask us to control everything, but to accept what happens to us. To be grateful for the good things and courageous about the not-so-good. No more, no less.

What if, instead of wanting to control everything, you accepted being surprised by life?

2 – Stop trying to control others

Just as we order life to have certain experiences and not others, we also order others to behave in certain ways and not others.

We like to put others in boxes, and we like to keep them there.

Yes, we don’t like to be surprised by others. And yet…

We all have a thousand and one faces. We’re overflowing with emotions and feelings. In fact, we’re overflowing with life.

Why channel all that? Why do we want others to be this way and not that way?

If you want to live a more zen life, it’s essential to accept that others can be spinning tops, that they can change their minds, that they can be one thing and then the other.

You’re not on Earth to understand others, or even to judge them. You’re on Earth to be you, to experience what you have to experience, both the good and the not-so-good. Around you, certain people will be sent, some to support you and others to surprise you.

Accept being surprised by others, accept not understanding them. Remember that if you judge people, then you don’t have time to love them.

Love others for who they are, not for what you want them to be. Stop trying to control everything around you. Other people can do what they want, but they have no power over you unless you decide to.

3 – Prefer imperfect action to dreaming

Too often, by wanting to control everything, we prevent ourselves from realizing our dreams and embarking on projects. Why do we do this? Because everything should go perfectly.

So we don’t feel up to it, we’re afraid of not knowing and making mistakes, and worst of all, we’re afraid of failing.

That’s why, rather than making our dreams come true, we prefer to just dream about them.

Does life get confused in our heads? No. Life is an action. It requires doing things, experimenting, building and even deconstructing.

We’re here to learn, not to do things right.

So stop trying to control everything and allow yourself to do things that are perfectly imperfect.

Zen living is about taking risks with the certainty that you’ll grow from every experience.

4 – Move forward with curiosity

We want to control everything – others, life – but ourselves too.

Yes, we put ourselves in boxes and we don’t want to get out. So we spend our days playing roles.

And yet, life and the experiences it brings us through transform us. Who we were yesterday is not at all who we are today, and even less who we will be tomorrow.

Every day, we evolve.

So why stick to our boxes? Why not allow ourselves to break out of them?

Rather than wanting to be a person like this and not like that, why not, every day, set out to discover the person you really are.

Your needs and desires change every day.

The dreams you cherish today won’t be the same ones you dream of tomorrow. You’re changing, every day!

So discover yourself. Be curious about yourself. Explore your tastes, needs and dreams.

5 – Don’t be afraid of being afraid

Wanting to control everything can be very comfortable. Indeed, when we control everything, we’re careful about one thing: not stepping out of our comfort zone. Yes, we do everything the way we do it all the time.

That way, there’s no need to face fear. Because fear is fear, as we all know.

Yet fear is natural and even an emotion that moves us forward in life.

In fact, every time we’re afraid, it’s because life is coming at us with its own movement, its own novelties. Life brings us an experience so that we can learn and give the best of ourselves.

So, by escaping too much fear, we no longer let the current of life flow through us. We stagnate, we vegetate in our own corner, and our joie de vivre gradually dies.

6 – Decide to play with life instead of trying to control everything

What if you woke up every morning and welcomed life as it is? What would be different if you woke up and decided to accept everything that’s going to happen to you today?

Because you can’t prepare for life, you can’t control it. It just happens.

It comes with its share of good and not-so-good surprises.

Life isn’t a supermarket where you only choose what you want to experience. Life orders for us, and we’re here to learn and grow.

In fact, life isn’t here to scare and destroy us. It teaches us. It puts us through trials to teach us certain things we need to learn.

Who said being human would be easy? It’s not easy! But it’s still wonderful. We’re so lucky.

So I suggest that, from this day forward, you stop trying to control everything and accept whatever life brings you.

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover Accepting life as it is: 4 steps to greater serenity
Discover Knowing how to let go thanks to the 4 laws of spirituality

I recommend this inspiring book:

House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski

The novel focuses on the protagonist’s obsession with controlling and understanding a mysterious house, using footnotes, different fonts and unconventional formatting to reflect the character’s descent into an all-encompassing desire for control and understanding.

Although this book is nowhere near as open to interpretation as most books that would be described as post-modern or modernist, it remains open to interpretation compared to a typical novel, which is not open to interpretation at all. There are no easy answers, no definitive answers, but there are satisfying answers that, I firmly believe, more or less correspond to the author’s intention, if you’re prepared to make the effort to discover them and if you have a flexible mind that delights in abstract concepts.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself