How can we stop dwelling on the past? All too often, our past spoils our present. We dwell on our wounds and mistakes, and are no longer able to rejoice in the here and now. So how can we regain serenity and start moving forward? Here are 8 tips to help you.

1 – Stop dwelling on the past: forgive others

Many of us carry emotional wounds from our childhood, adolescence or more recent past. Carrying our wounds makes us suffer…

To stop dwelling on the past, we need to realize that we’re not made to suffer, but to be happy.

In other words, we have to decide to do everything we can to stop clinging to what makes us suffer.

But how do we stop clinging?

The key is to learn to forgive others. Those people around us who have hurt us.

First of all, by letting go of our expectations. After all, the people closest to us are not there to make us happy, but to make us happy.

What’s more, we also need to understand that our loved ones have their own emotional wounds. In other words, they have their own wounds to heal.

Finally, to stop dwelling on the past while forgiving others, it’s essential to understand that others don’t hurt us on purpose. In fact, it’s our own wounds that resonate with those of others.

It’s our wounds that make us suffer, not others.

And to get out of this vicious circle, I wholeheartedly invite you to forgive. Free yourself from the burden of resentment. You don’t need it.

2 – Change your perceptions with positive thinking

From an early age, we have learned to see the negative around us: the “bad” weather, the “bad” grades, the “bad” mood…

Let’s remember that :

“Reality is neutral, it’s we who color it with our likes, dislikes, it’s painful or on the contrary, it’s pleasant.”

That’s why positive thinking can brighten our lives and improve our sense of well-being and happiness.

So positive thinking isn’t about suppressing our emotions. On the contrary! It’s our emotions that drive us forward. We can question our emotions: “Why am I sad/angry? What could I do better to feel better?”

In fact, practicing positive thinking means giving ourselves the means to move forward by listening to ourselves and trusting ourselves and life.

So I wholeheartedly invite you to take care with the words you use to describe your past and your daily life. Choose positive words to brighten up your life.

3 – Stop dwelling on the past: practice gratitude

Practicing gratitude is an indispensable tool for achieving greater happiness. Indeed, learning to see the good and the beautiful in our lives is a way of (re)giving ourselves confidence in life.

What’s more, it’s very simple!

In fact, every morning, we thank life for this new day, during which we’re going to learn so many things. And in the evening, let’s thank life for everything that has happened to us.

In fact, gratitude makes us realize how lucky we already are. Yes, it prevents us from letting the wounds of our past take over the simple joy of the present moment.

Because to start moving forward is to realize that yesterday may have been painful, but today is a new day filled with beautiful promise.

4 – Learning to live in the moment

To stop dwelling on the past is to be present to what we’re doing here, now.

We don’t always realize it, but when we let ourselves be consumed by thoughts of the past, we let the present moment slip away, along with all the opportunities it offers us to be happy.

That’s why, to start moving forward, it’s time to make a decision: “I decide to be present to what’s happening to me today.”

To do this, let’s start a new habit. The habit of regularly engaging our 5 senses. For example, 2 or 3 times a day, set an alarm clock to remind us to turn our attention not to our thoughts, but to our 5 senses.

What do I see, what do I smell? What do I hear and touch? What do I taste in my mouth?

5 – Stop dwelling on the past: contribute to the happiness of others

By dwelling too much on certain wounds, by losing ourselves in our own thoughts, we become increasingly unhappy. We close in on ourselves, and our happiness needs others.

The Dalai Lama calls this enlightened egoism.

In other words, whenever we feel really bad and alone, that’s the signal for us to help others. Because to contribute to the happiness of others is also to contribute to our own happiness.

So, there’s no need to do great things, just a few words of encouragement, a few compliments, a smile, the warmth of our gaze, a little message, a doorstop… are all little rays of sunshine in the lives of others.

These little rays of sunshine that we offer to others are returned to us.

Because there’s a lot of joy in giving to others.

So, to stop dwelling on the past and start moving forward, remember to open up to others. Don’t lock yourself away in your own thoughts.

6 – Congratulate yourself every night

Just as practicing gratitude improves our confidence in life, congratulating ourselves day after day improves our self-confidence.

Indeed, when we dwell on the wounds of our past, it’s not uncommon to feel guilty and to criticize ourselves, and so we degrade our self-image.

That’s why I wholeheartedly invite you, to start moving forward, to congratulate yourself every night on 3 things.

For example: “Today, I had the courage to…”.

7 – Meditate to stop dwelling on the past

Our thoughts are automatic, and there are a lot of them, which is why it’s so hard not to dwell on the past.

So I wholeheartedly invite you to start a new habit: meditating.

Sit with your back straight. Away from the hustle and bustle. Concentrating on our breathing, not our thoughts, we free ourselves of a weight.

Indeed, it’s time we realized that our thoughts are like passing clouds. In fact, we don’t have to listen to them and let them hold our attention. Yes, we can simply let them pass.

But don’t pressure yourself. Meditate for a few minutes whenever you feel your thoughts are getting too heavy and painful.

Sit down, breathe and let your thoughts float away.

8 – Learn to love yourself in all circumstances

Making peace with our past requires us to love ourselves.

But loving ourselves is complicated when we tend to listen to and define ourselves by our ego. Yes, because it constantly compares and judges us in relation to others. It always wants more. That’s why we’re never good enough and never have enough.

That’s why, to stop dwelling on the past and start moving forward, it’s high time to love ourselves.

Loving yourself doesn’t mean becoming selfish and narcissistic. No, it means being kind and compassionate.

In fact, the more you love yourself, the more you’ll love others.

And the more you love yourself, the less your past, your mistakes and your wounds will matter.

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover Turning the page on your past: 5 simple exercises
Discover What to do when you’ve suffered too much in the past: 4 comforting tips

I recommend this inspiring book:

The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson

The Slight Edge presents the concept that small daily actions, accumulated over time, can lead to significant positive change. It encourages readers to focus on simple, positive choices that, in the long term, can help individuals stop dwelling on the past and create a more satisfying, fruitful future. This book advocates the power of incremental progress and the impact of daily habits on a life’s trajectory.

It opens our eyes to the power of small, simple disciplines repeated over time. The author explains everything in a way that made me react positively. I’m not the same person after reading this book. Highly recommended.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself