What do we do when we realize that we’re being too kind to others and that this is eating up all our time and energy? What do we do when we’re tired and wish we had more time for ourselves, to think about ourselves? Here are my 6 tips to stop being too available to others and regain your freedom.

1 – Stop putting other people’s needs before your own to stop being too available for others

We’ve been taught to put other people’s needs before our own, because we have to please, be nice, polite and above all, we mustn’t disappoint others. And, to make sure we’re nice to others, we’ve been instilled with a fear of judgment, a fear of how others will look at us.

The problem is, you’re probably exhausted from being too available for others. You long for more time for yourself, and that’s why you need to unlearn what you’ve learned.

No, you don’t have to put other people’s needs before your own. No, you don’t have to please all the time, say “yes” to everything, do everything for others.

In fact, you can say “no” and still come across as selfish. But so what?

Understand that it’s your fear of judgment that prevents you from putting your own needs before those of others. Because you’re afraid of being called selfish. It’s only natural. That’s the way we’ve been brought up.

So, if you want things to change, if you want to finally have some time for yourself, then accept criticism and put your own needs before those of others when you feel it’s necessary for you. What do you think?

2 – Check that you haven’t fallen into the trap of emotional dependence

Being too available for others can be a sign that we’re suffering from emotional dependence.

In fact, we may be doing other people favors all the time in the hope of being loved in return. Again, this is something we’ve learned as we’ve grown up. We were taught that people like nice people and don’t like selfish people.

And the thing is, we’ve learned to be completely addicted to other people’s love. And why is that?

Because we haven’t learned to love ourselves. So we’re constantly in need of love, and we fill that need with the love of others. And we think we have to earn other people’s love through service, among other things.

And here we are, stuck in a vicious circle that doesn’t make us at all happy in life. So what can we do about it?

First of all, become aware of it. Ask yourself if you’re suffering from a small, or even large, emotional dependency.

If so, build up your self-confidence and improve your self-esteem through personal development training. You can also start therapy or coaching to better understand the mechanisms of your emotional dependence. Whatever the case, understand that you can break free. Just one step.

3 – Meeting your own needs

I’ve noticed that we can be too available for others, because we don’t know how to meet our own needs.

That is, it’s easier for us to meet the needs of others than to take time to question ourselves: “What do I want? What do I need?”

We don’t ask ourselves these questions. Either because they make us uncomfortable, or because we feel we have no right to ask them. Or because they scare us. We’re afraid of discovering what really drives us.

If you want to stop being too available to others and regain your freedom, then start by asking yourself about your own needs. Then meet your needs. One by one. And what do you think?

4 – Start slowly, but start right away to stop being too available for others

So, if we’ve always been very kind, always available, it’s going to be hard to make the switch. In fact, I wouldn’t advise it.

It would be far too violent a change for you, but also for others. It could lead to a lot of conflict, and if you want to take time for yourself, it’s precisely because you want a gentler life. So it’s counter-productive.

That’s why I invite you to start slowly. Start with a first “no”. Then a second. Try to do it gradually. First, to build up your self-confidence.

In fact, to bring about change in your life, it’s better to go slowly but surely. Because going too fast, too hard, is the best way to scare yourself into exhaustion. What do you think?

Next, move forward gradually to accustom others to your new availability. Let them also become aware of the change, little by little. What do you think?

5 – Stop justifying and assert yourself

So, by being less available to others, by taking a little more time for yourself, understand that you’re going to hear remarks. And that’s normal!

Other people have got used to a certain way of behaving towards you, and they’ve put you in a box. A box they liked, that did them a favor.

Now they’re going to grimace, especially at first. Let them talk. Let them react. Understand their reaction. It’s only natural. Don’t act as if nothing’s happening. You’re saying no to them, maybe for the first time, and there’s bound to be a reaction.

So don’t fight those reactions. Let them talk. Don’t justify yourself. Do what you have to do to be fully happy in your life. Even if other people don’t understand. What do you think?

6 – Don’t fall into the opposite extreme when trying to stop being too available to others

It’s possible that you’ve been too available to others for too long and that today you’ve reached some kind of limit. With all your heart, calm down. Take a deep breath!

Because you can’t go from one extreme to the other. And I’m not speaking for others, but for you.

It would be too hard for you to accept. To go from being too nice to being completely closed off to others. Don’t do that. Not for yourself.

Because by making yourself completely unavailable to others, you’ll be making your heart hermetic.

But your heart needs to beat, and to do that, it also needs to be available to others, to be open, to be generous. So find the right balance. What do you think?

Find out more:

I invite you to read these 2 complementary articles:

Discover Do you have to be selfish to be happy?
Discover Don’t be afraid of other people’s opinions: 8 tips to free yourself

I recommend this inspiring book:

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

This book provides practical advice on how to set and maintain healthy limits in various aspects of life. It helps to recognize the importance of saying no and setting limits to avoid being too available to others, which promotes a balanced and fulfilling life.

What an incredible book! Written for people from all walks of life who want to understand and discover what it means to live a life with healthy limits.

Thank you very much for reading this article.

If you liked it, let me know in the comments.

Take care of yourself