Perverse narcissistic manipulator: heavy words denouncing toxic relationships. What is a narcissistic manipulator? How can you spot one? How do you know if you’re under their influence? How to avoid and react to them?

You’ll find the answers to all these questions here, along with practical advice on how to take control of your life!

In this article, you’ll learn:

Detect narcissistic perverts with a free test;
And how to recognize typical victims. Maybe you’ll recognize yourself?
You’ll then learn 4 ways to avoid them;
and 3 practical tips for dealing with them.
Becoming aware that you’re dealing with this type of personality is essential to limit the repercussions and avoid plunging into deep malaise… So here’s everything you need to know!

Definition and origins of the concept of the narcissistic manipulator
The concept of narcissistic perversion is relatively recent. The term Narcissistic Perverse Manipulator first appeared in the late 1980s, and was popularized in the late 1990s with the notion of moral harassment. Since then, it has become increasingly well known, though without being associated with a very clear image. Just like the people it affects: hard to spot. Narcissistic perverts often have several faces, and can change from one to another in a matter of seconds.

According to specialists, between 0.5% and 5% of the population is affected. This may not seem like much, but these few percent affect a large number of people around them: spouses, family, colleagues at work, neighbors…

In concrete terms, a narcissistic manipulator is a person who, to feel happy and confident, needs to crush others, to dominate them, to feel superior. Relationships with this type of person are therefore highly toxic.

But how can you recognize them? That’s what you’ll find out in the next section.

The typical narcissistic manipulator: how to recognize them (30 criteria)
Here is 30 criteria for spotting them. Among them, you need to recognize at least 14 traits to qualify as a narcissistic perverse manipulator.

He/she makes you feel guilty by invoking love, friendship, family and professional conscience.
Demands perfection from you, that you be totally and immediately available to him/her.
Exploits your moral feelings (duty, generosity, courtesy…) to satisfy his/her needs.
Questions your competence, personality and qualities. Criticizes and devalues you.
The manipulative narcissistic pervert is jealous of everyone.
Uses flattery, gifts and favors to make himself/herself look good.
Constantly plays the victim.
Never feels responsible for anything, blaming others for everything.
Doesn’t state feelings, opinions, needs or demands clearly.
Always gives evasive answers: the narcissistically manipulative pervert keeps things vague.
May change subject without transition during a conversation.
Avoids or leaves meetings and interviews.
Uses indirect means (a third party, answering machines, written messages) to get messages across.
Invokes logical reasons to convey demands for control.
Distorts, interprets and tells lies to hide (or uncover) the truth.
Refuses criticism and denies the obvious.
Uses blackmail and implicit threats.
Creates conflict to manipulate others. The narcissistic manipulator doesn’t hesitate to stir up trouble.
Behaves differently and modifies the expression of his thoughts according to people and situations.
Lies (including by omission).
Uses the ignorance of others and tries to make them believe he/she is superior.
The narcissistic manipulator is egocentric.
What he/she says does not correspond to what he/she does.
Invokes urgency to gain an advantage from you.
Denies your feelings, desires, needs and rights.
Implicitly rejects your requests by pretending to take care of them.
Generates feelings of discomfort, helplessness and/or lack of freedom.
Can make you do things you didn’t want to do.
Achieves its goals at the expense of others.
Is the subject of frequent and recurring discussions.
Did you think of someone when you read this list? Does this person combine 14 or more criteria? Then you’re most likely dealing with a manipulative narcissistic pervert.

But why are you affected by this type of person? Do you fit the profile of the typical narcissistic pervert victim?

The typical victim of the narcissistic perverse manipulator: are you at risk?
If there’s a grid for recognizing narcissistic manipulators, their victims also tend to share common traits. These are people who often lack self-confidence and appear vulnerable. Or they may simply be going through a fragile episode: bereavement, separation, depression…

Once they’ve fallen prey to the manipulative narcissist, the vicious circle begins. Every day, the victim falls further and further under the manipulator’s control. The result is a loss of self-confidence, devaluation and guilt.

ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A NARCISSISTIC PERVERT?
Anyone can be in a relationship with a narcissistically manipulative pervert. But the most serious case is that of a romantic relationship. Being in a relationship with this type of person is a real danger to your mental and physical health.

If this is your case, you probably feel trapped in a toxic relationship. You’ve gradually lost your freedom and independence. Just like the frog that stays in the pot of water getting hotter and hotter… until it dies.

Do you hardly see your family and friends any more? That’s because your narcissistically manipulative partner has gradually broken the ties you had with the rest of the world. His goal: to be the most important person in your life. Or even the only person in your life, further ensuring his hold over you.

How to help the narcissistic manipulator and his victim?
After reading these two roles, the Karpman triangle may have come to mind. You know, that relational triangle where we find the persecutor, the rescuer and the victim. A triangle that’s perfectly applicable to narcissistically manipulative perverts! It’s something to keep in mind, whether you’re directly involved in the relationship or not.

CAN YOU HELP A NARCISSISTIC MANIPULATOR?
You alone, no. But given that narcissistic manipulators need to crush others to ensure their happiness, we can deduce that they are deeply unhappy. Or at least that they’re unhappy.

What they need is therapeutic follow-up with a mental health professional. But only if they recognize their problem. This is often a difficult first step.

Above all, keep your health and happiness your priority: protect yourself!

CAN YOU HELP A VICTIM OF A NARCISSISTICALLY MANIPULATIVE PERVERT?
If you’re currently a victim of a narcissistic pervert, ask yourself this question: is this your first time? Have you encountered other narcissistic perverts in the past?

Chances are you have.

Because, unfortunately, people who fall victim to narcissistic perverts tend to attract manipulators and fall back into the traps of toxic relationships several times in their lives. If narcissistic manipulators need help to change, so do their victims.

But you, unlike your tormentor, have an advantage. You’ll find it easier to click. That little inner voice that tells you to “stop”. The one that comes from the heart, that sounds the alarm, that tells you that you’re better than this, that you’re entitled to happiness and healthy, fulfilling relationships.

If you’re not the victim, but someone you’re dating, be gentle. Be supportive. Value her skills and her ability to be independent. She’ll need it to dare to take the step of taking care of herself.

4 ways to stop falling victim to perverted narcissistic manipulators

Prevention is better than cure! Here are some basic attitudes that will protect you and prevent you from falling (back) into the trap of a narcissistic manipulator.

LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF SO YOU DON’T SUCCUMB TO THE NARCISSISTIC MANIPULATOR
Before entering into a relationship with another person, you need to enter into a relationship with yourself. Loving yourself is a healthy foundation on which to build all your relationships.

Knowing and loving yourself is a prerequisite for opening yourself up to others, so that they can discover the person you really are, the person you want to become with all your heart.

TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN HAPPINESS
And as you think about self-esteem, you also think about happiness. Knowing yourself better means being better able to listen to yourself, to know your needs… and to act in coherence with yourself.

In short, work for your own happiness. Because happiness doesn’t depend on anything external, on any external being: it depends solely on you. You are responsible for your own happiness.

STOP FEELING RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHER PEOPLE’S HAPPINESS
If your happiness depends solely on you… the same goes for others. It’s time to distance yourself from the rescuer or nurse syndrome, and try to save others, to make them happy.

You are not responsible for other people’s happiness.

Once you’ve accepted this truth, the power of narcissistic manipulators will slide over you without ever reaching you again!

LOVE WITHOUT NEEDING THE OTHER PERSON
And here’s the last attitude for resisting the narcissistic manipulator, which follows on from all the previous ones: love without being dependent. Love without needing the other person. In a healthy relationship of tenderness, intimacy, respect and pleasure. Loving without confining. And to love without shutting oneself in. Without doubt one of the most important secrets to happiness in love.

Have you ever tried to practice these attitudes on a daily basis? If they seem easy to say, but hard to put into practice, don’t panic! Love, listening and self-respect can all be learned. One day at a time. One exercise at a time.

In fact, this is one of the key ideas of the coaching approach advocated by Full of Happiness. You have all the resources within you to overcome the difficulties you face! All you have to do is let it blossom and shine, a little more each day.

3 ways to react to a narcissistic manipulator
Often, it’s already too late. By the time you’ve realized who you’re dealing with and unmasked the narcissistically manipulative pervert, his hold is already made! Here are 3 attitudes to help you deal with them effectively.

CONNECT WITH YOURSELF AND YOUR INNER STRENGTH
If you’re under the influence of a narcissistic pervert, your self-esteem is probably at an all-time low. However, you should know that you are very valuable. You’re unique in the world. You have qualities, tastes, skills and sensibilities that no one else on earth possesses.

Above all, connect with your belly, your heart, your inner strength. To do this, you can apply these 3 steps to question yourself and get to know yourself again. Taking a step back is essential to help you refocus on yourself. These 7 magic questions for taking stock can also be a great starting point for this journey.

USING NON-VIOLENT COMMUNICATION AGAINST A NARCISSISTICALLY MANIPULATIVE PERVERT
In an ideal world, everyone would use non-violent communication. If you’re not familiar with this concept, you might want to read up on the basics of this wonderful tool. It encourages you to communicate more effectively with yourself, so that you can then communicate more effectively with others.

Applying it on a daily basis takes practice… and all the more so with manipulative people. But it will enable you to push manipulative arguments to the limit. Leave behind the toxic patterns of communication imposed by the narcissistically manipulative pervert, and propose a different register of exchange.

LEAVING A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP WITH A NARCISSISTIC MANIPULATOR
And finally, the last way to react, once you’ve (re)connected with yourself, taken stock and worked on your communication: physically distance yourself. Give yourself some space. Allow yourself some space.

These keys to dealing with a perverted narcissistic manipulator and avoiding being under his or her spell can be applied in any context: romantic, professional or family relationships…

Don’t hesitate to ask for help, whether from someone close to you, a health professional or a life coach. You have everything you need to create your own life path, in line with your values and needs. Trust in yourself.

Has this article helped you spot a narcissistic manipulator? What attitude will you choose to adopt? Feel free to share your experiences in the comments.