We all live with personal thoughts and beliefs that guide us in our daily actions, our view of the world, our judgments of others and of ourselves. However, we have both positive thoughts and beliefs that boost us and negative ones that limit us.

So what can we do to overcome them and regain our freedom of thought and action?

What is a limiting thought or belief?

A limiting thought is a mental construct that arises from our past experiences, and which makes us believe until we’re convinced that the thought is real, true and well-founded.

This limiting thought will generate a more or less strong belief within us, and will lead us to justify it, to validate it on the basis of any evidence, thus reinforcing the veracity of this thought, which is nothing other than a belief.

Yet this limiting belief may also have the role of protecting us from any unpleasant situation…

In fact, psychologically speaking, when an unpleasant or even painful experience is felt by the being we are at the time, the very next moment we reject that part of ourselves which suffers from the situation.

In this way, we set up a protective, limiting belief system that prevents us from re-experiencing a similar unpleasant situation.

This is how our brain makes links between events, building synaptic connections between our neurons.

For example, we express and show our most intimate emotions, such as sadness or distress, to someone close to us, and receive a response like:

“It’ll pass, that’s life, don’t worry about it, it’s nothing and besides, you’re not a wimp, there are worse things in life, but maybe you should get help from a shrink…”

Okay, that may sound a bit strong, but at the same time we’re not too far from reality, are we?

REINFORCED BELIEFS AND VICIOUS CIRCLES…
The link we can make following this experience is “When I show my emotions, the other person doesn’t listen to me and denigrates me, which is unpleasant!” so this belief emerges: “Showing your emotions is risky and pointless”.

And if this experience of not being listened to when we talk about ourselves and on top of being advised and judged for what we say, our belief is reinforced creating a greater neural connection like a thought highway. This will prevent us from talking about ourselves and the things that touch us personally, to the point of perhaps generalizing a behavior of withdrawal or non-communication in front of others, preventing us from making new acquaintances…

We can see how a thought like “Other people are better than me” can lead us to focus our attention every day on everything others do better than me, reinforcing our own belief in inferiority.

This perverse circle feeds on itself endlessly, trapping us in a seemingly real and unchangeable situation.

THE POWER OF LIMITING BELIEFS
Limiting beliefs are so ingrained in us that we don’t even realize that we’re thinking and acting automatically.

Our beliefs are habits of thought, like freeways that we take every day without realizing it, without being able to get off them, without seeing that there are exits and other possible paths, other landscapes to discover in our lives.

They have the power to rule our lives, blocking us in our actions, creating daily difficulties and frustrations as we are tyrannized between our desires, our dreams and our limiting thoughts blocking any possibility of realizing them.

They affect every area of our lives, including our relationships, creativity, learning, work, happiness, personal development and success.

How many of us have never taken action, thinking and believing that it wouldn’t be possible to realize our dream or have a happier future or live a fulfilling married life?

How many times do we give up on our impulses, our desires and our dreams, just by dwelling on one of our habits of thought?

So how do we get off the neuronal and psychic highways of our limiting beliefs?

Overcoming limiting beliefs in 5 steps

Since a belief is a neural connection, to deconstruct it we need to create new connections that will change the way we think.

As with any change, this first requires us to identify our blockage, our limiting belief, by focusing our awareness on it.

Once we’re aware of this belief, we can change our point of view and challenge our thinking with a simple and effective 5-step method.

For example, if we think: “My darling never trusts me”…

We can question this belief and ask ourselves:

STEP 1: EXAMINE YOUR FEELINGS

When we believe this thought, how do we feel in terms of our physical sensations, emotions and thoughts? How do we react when we believe this?

We can close our eyes to get a better feel, and soak up this belief to feel its full effects on us and our behavior. Does it give us a feeling of inner peace, or of stress and inner conflict? In this way, we can become more aware of all the negative consequences for ourselves, our lives and sometimes those around us.

Ex: “I feel sad that he/she doesn’t trust me, I feel a tightness in my chest, etc…”.

STEP 2: PROJECT YOURSELF INTO AN IDEAL FUTURE

Let’s imagine we no longer had this belief. What would our life be like without this limiting thought? Who would we be? How would we feel, physically and emotionally?

Imagining with conviction and as much detail as possible what our life would be like without this limiting belief, enables us to visualize the life we want to live!

This is a very important step.

When we weigh the negative consequences of our belief on our life against the prospects of the advantages of living the life we desire, we decide more easily to change our way of thinking and acting.

STEP 3: TRUTH OR LIE?

Is our belief true?

At first, our automatic spontaneous response is: “Yes, I’m sure”.

But are we really sure that our belief is true?
There are two possible outcomes: either we keep saying yes, or we begin to hesitate and reflect.

Are we absolutely certain that our belief is always true?
This last question is the most important, because it breaks the absolute truth of the belief.

STEP 4: EXAMINE THE OPPOSITE BELIEF…

Can the opposite of this belief be true?
Can the reversal of this belief be true?
And can we give specific examples that prove the opposite?

We recall the example: “My darling never trusts me.”

The reverse of the belief is: “My darling trusts me.”

For example, “I remember one time when he/she trusted me and let me do as I wanted and then another time when he/she told me he/she thought I would succeed.”

Turning the belief around gives us, “I don’t trust myself.”

For example, “I didn’t dare assert my preferences and choices when we bought the latest sofa, which means it’s not to my taste!”

STEP 5: TAKE STOCK

How do we feel now?
Has our vision changed?

If so, what actions can we put in place to anchor this new vision and these new neural connections to make things change?

If we realize that our belief is not in fact an absolute truth, a new openness will emerge within us. Change is now possible. All that’s left is to think about “How can I… have more confidence in myself, and thus give more confidence in my partner?” which allows us to take another step towards taking action and dissolving this belief a little further.

It may reappear in another form, but our action will have already created a new, more serene highway of thought in our lives. This requires developing self-confidence through action.

CONCLUSION
In conclusion, as we have seen, limiting beliefs are a phenomenon arising from the reaction of our being, our psyche, to an event experienced as a threat to the integrity of our inner system. They have a powerful impact on our lives, preventing us from taking action and realizing our dreams with lightness and pleasure.

These strong anchors in our brain and neural connections limit the deployment of our full life potential, which is just waiting to be revealed.

That’s why the 5-step method we’ve provided in this article is so powerful in deconstructing our own beliefs. It’s perfectly possible for anyone to embark on a process of self-coaching to deconstruct and dissolve the beliefs that limit us.

If you’re a couple, you can also take turns using this method to share time together. In fact, entering into conversation with another person can take us deeper into our psyche and uproot our beliefs.

It’s up to you to take action for yourself, with or without support.