Repartee isn’t the most widely shared thing in the world, and yet it’s very useful. Good repartee can open many doors and make you a formidable employee, colleague, boss or spouse. But the fact is, you can’t always pull it off.

Fortunately, other people have cultivated this art before you, and I’ve collected their tips and little secrets. If you’d like to have a better answer than anyone else, read on.

Why is it so difficult to have a comeback?

Classic case: your colleague bursts in with a fury and hits you with one or two sharp phrases before closing the door. You’re taken aback for a moment, then you say to yourself “Damn! Why didn’t I throw back a good line of my own?

It’s true that it’s sometimes hard to have the right comeback at the right time. Do you ever regret it? So now’s the time to take action. The sense of repartee is so useful that it is now taught in web marketing training schools! But why do we sometimes lack it? For at least 3 reasons:

Because of our upbringing: you’re a smooth, no-nonsense person who’s been taught never to say a word louder than the other? It can be difficult to respond in kind.

Lack of self-confidence: all people with a bit of spirit are full of confidence, and sometimes even have a slightly inflated ego.

Shyness: shyness is an inhibitor, and as long as it gnaws at you, you won’t cultivate a sense of repartee. You won’t even know what “retorting” and “putting someone in their place tactfully” mean until you’ve overcome this handicap.

If you’ve got the basics – self-confidence and the will to work on your repartee – let’s get on with it.

GETTING THE RIGHT REPARTEE: ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS
First and foremost, let me tell you the truth: you have to work on your repartee. It’s an art to be cultivated and a technique to be acquired with time, practice and experience.

But here’s another truth: I can teach you the basics of repartee in just 3 days. To become effective, you need to learn the first technique almost by heart:

The art of asking the right questions

This is the first level of repartee, also known as the porcupine technique. When a remark is addressed to you, use the same words and ask a question that will make the other person think. You can opt for 3 types of question:

QUESTION 1: THE KILLER QUESTION
Example: a neighbor makes fun of you by asking: “So, Michael, are you still fighting your baldness?

Your response: “And you, are you still struggling to satisfy Eleanor?

You’ve shifted the problem to a sentence that refers him to his own difficulties.

QUESTION 2: THE HUMOROUS QUESTION
Suppose your mother keeps asking you the same thing: “Julie, why don’t you want to go out with David? He’s such a nice boy?”

Your response: “Mom, do you think his herpes (or his alcohol problems, gambling debts, etc.) is just as charming?”.

QUESTION 3: THE PEACEFUL QUESTION
Your boss is furious because you haven’t finished a file. Let’s say he’s wrong, because the data provided is incomplete. You can’t intimidate him, because he’s your boss, but you can answer in a way that will make him lower his voice.

Example: “You still haven’t finished this file, Simone, you’re incapable”.

You: “Are you referring to the … file I was about to present to you, sir?”.

Or: “Can I bring it to you in a few minutes, while I make you a cup of coffee and file it properly?”.

Or: “I was waiting for you to finish with Mr. Brown so I could talk to you about it. Can I come into your office now?”

Questions like these will completely baffle a person who would be offended if you were too witty.

RESPONDING: OTHER TECHNIQUES THAT WORK WELL
Aside from the question that turns everything on its head, there are other techniques you can use to get your point across. Here are a few that have been used by artists and politicians with a sense of humor:

CHANGING A VERB TO GIVE IT A DOUBLE ENTENDRE
Of course, this kind of repartee requires you to have a bit of a vocabulary.

Practice using the verbs suggested by your interlocutors to say something more intelligent and charming.

APPROVE AND TACKLE THE OTHER PERSON
This is undoubtedly the best technique when you want to get a response, and it gives you time to mentally prepare for the retort. Here, you have to give the impression that you share the interlocutor’s point of view, and then deliver a sentence that suggests that he or she hasn’t understood a thing…

For example, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill confronted a woman in a parliamentary debate who told him: “If you were married to me, I’d put poison in your tea”.

The minister’s response: “And I, if I were married to you, would drink it”.

Notice how he goes along with the woman, only to point out to her that her thought is childish? Now that’s repartee!

A young girl was once told by her mother: “You never do anything good”.

She immediately replied: “That’s true. But you certainly know the old saying, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”…

Her mother never made that kind of remark to her again, because she understood what it meant to talk back.

PRACTICE IN 2 DAYS FLAT
To get the hang of repartee, I advise you to work on your lines and vocabulary over a weekend. I recommend a method of my own that I’ve dubbed the TVT of repartee. It’s an acronym made up of 3 words (Twitter, Videos and Tests), the aim of which is to use these tools to work out the best possible lines in the shortest possible time.

Twitter is a very useful tool for learning how to use repartee. You have to reply in just 140 (now 280) characters, which means you have to think twice before saying too much in too few words. If you have an account, reply to your contacts in the twittosphere one minute after they tweet. Pick up on their expressions and create puns in 140 signs. At the end of the day, you’ll gain experience from other people’s feedback and comments.

Watch comedy videos on Youtube. Some are so rich in jokes and repartee that you’ll quickly understand what it means to retort in a few words. When the author drops a joke, stop the video and ask yourself how you can send back something more witty. It may seem difficult at first, but after an hour or two, it will come naturally.

Test your jokes on your family and friends and ask them to throw back a few flaws that don’t make you too angry. Then try to respond with wit and humor. After two days of intense testing, you’ll be ready to take on the world the following Monday!
Of course, you’ll need to learn from your mistakes, and accept that you won’t succeed every time.