I’d like to talk to you about a subject that divides quite a number of minds: the differentiation between self-esteem and self-confidence. I’ve been confusing them for a long time, and I know that many of you can’t really pinpoint how these concepts are different.

So read on if you want to determine the difference between self-esteem and self-confidence, and discover why this differentiation is essential.

Preconceived ideas about self-esteem and self-confidence

First and foremost, we need to dispel some of the misconceptions about self-esteem and self-confidence.

OPINIONS FALL INTO 3 MAIN CATEGORIES:

Those who blithely associate the two concepts: many people confuse self-confidence with self-esteem. Why is this? Because on many personal development sites, people are encouraged to acquire one or the other, without specifying that they are different.

Those who think that self-esteem is a figment of the imagination, and that confidence alone is the answer to everything. Interesting authors state quite bluntly that “self-esteem does not exist in itself”. But in fact, there’s every reason to believe that confidence and self-esteem are both essential, and that you can have one without the other. Hence the importance of differentiating between them from the outset.

Those who believe that the two notions, though different, go hand in hand. Here again, the facts show that this is not always the case. Many people I know are full of confidence, but have low self-esteem. And there are more of them than you might think.

That’s why it’s important to know the difference between self-esteem and self-confidence.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SELF-ESTEEM AND SELF-CONFIDENCE
In simple terms, the difference between self-esteem and self-confidence lies in feeling and doing. Self-esteem is more akin to a feeling, whereas self-confidence involves more than that. It involves action.

Self-esteem is built up early, in childhood. It is usually defined as “the perception and self-assessment we have of our strengths and weaknesses when compared with our values”. Did you notice the idea of values? It’s crucial, because the development of self-esteem is based on the moral values we’ve been taught.

It’s sometimes said, and rightly so, that self-esteem consists in imagining how valuable we consider ourselves to be. This feeling is built up in the family. If you have received encouraging, caring references and words, and solid moral values, you will almost always have positive self-esteem. Expressions such as “You’re unique”; “You’re a good boy”; “I’m proud of you” and “I love you” help to improve self-esteem in younger children.

Self-confidence is another matter altogether: a definition that seems to me to be very precise and complete. I like to describe it as “a realistic and timely assessment that one has the necessary resources to face a particular situation”. So it’s not a permanent feeling, even if it is a reassuring one. You have the self-confidence to face a specific situation. It can happen that this feeling is at its peak in the face of one problem, and that you completely lose your means in the face of another. It’s a more fleeting feeling than self-esteem, which can be seen in the actions you take.

EXAMPLES OF DIFFERENTIATION
To correctly assess self-esteem and self-confidence, you can use a few examples. Suppose you’re preparing for a job interview. What do you need? A healthy dose of self-confidence to keep you on your toes. But you could be convinced of your own potential and abilities, and therefore have sufficient self-esteem. But if you’re constantly thinking “I won’t be up to the job”, it’s a sign that you lack self-confidence.

Another useful example: you can be successful in your professional life, setting and achieving several goals at the same time. And yet, deep down you think “I don’t like myself very much”; or “I’m not worth very much”. You probably don’t lack self-confidence, because that’s what it takes to be enterprising and daring. But your self-esteem may be very mediocre, perhaps because of a troubled or difficult past.

ROADS YOU MUST ALWAYS TRAVEL
Self-confidence is built with practice and experience. For example, by stressing the importance of meditation in developing inner confidence. I suggest using audio books, if necessary, or the meditation technique to gain self-confidence. There’s no doubt that self-confidence is essential: without it, you won’t take the initiative or succeed at anything.

But self-esteem is also essential. Make sure you have the values you want to defend, and that they match your needs and emotions. Accept to take risks, to make mistakes and to accept your shortcomings without thinking you’re a failure. This is the royal road to greater self-esteem.

I hope this article has shed some light on the subject.